some sanity...

my professor called me and yes, i am going to be doing my student teaching at the barnard early learning center in new rochelle. i am excited, i at least will be in new rochelle and its supposedly a great school, based on reggio emilio style of teaching (very arty and where i'd like young wellsybop to go someday). she'll call me back this weekend with more details. but i'm glad that at least i have some semblence of a plan. control freak, you know?

finished jPOD. so sad. doug ended up being quite the character.

trying to start my paper. wish me luck.

i love soul asylum.

why is it that deadlines make me flock to the internet?

yea yea yea i have a research paper to do by wednesday and i haven't even began to think about it but here i am online writing my blog and contemplating doing a mindless myspace survey. what is it about having something important to do that makes my brain go retardo?

so boston was a treat. we left ever so early (butt crack o' dawn, as i'm sure i mentioned earlier) and the ride up there was smooooth sailing. rebecca and i just bullshitted, mostly talking about how much we adore children w/p.d.d. and other such nonsense. once we got to boston, however, things started to go awry. we get off the exit and turn the wrong way onto the street we're on...and we call amie, a.k.a. no sense of direction magee, and we're like, "we're near this, we just passed that...hello?!" and without any sort of help she's like, "oh." so we end up in compton and we're like, "seriously, amie, we're in compton." and she is just like, "oh." !!!! so we turn around and find our way back to her stupid street (best part: roger street!) we're like, "how do you not know if you live by a zoo!!!" anyway, we like her new apartment, its ever so chic and grown up, what with the purple walls and kitchen table and all. so we get facials at elizabeth grady. my first one ever. and i'll tell you, i was NOT looking forward to it, cuz my skin is just normal and i thought, why am i getting some woman to poke around at my face? however, i LOVED it so much. it was amazing. (even tho i'm pretty sure at one point i had a snot bubble. i recounted this to amie and amie said, "yea, my lady used a tissue to get rid of mine and said 'this happens to everyone.'" ahhhh. i don't REALLY think i had a snot bubble. i was kidding!) we sat under a willow tree in the park and tried to capture the ducks (ok, i tried to capture the ducks). we ate at some cute pub called daisy buckeyes or something, where the bartender/waiter just absolutely hated our guts. then becky & i took naps while amie was "in charge" of making that night's plans.
for dinner, we meet judy rick & krystie at some italian joint that has NO AIRCONDITIONING and is about 100 degrees no joke. i nearly passed out, as did everyone else. afterwards, we enjoyed ICE CREAM INJECTED CUPCAKES at a place oddly named "tranny" right next door. i almost fought a few bitchy women at the restraunt, but apparently my normally paranoid head was up my ass cuz i didn't notice the rude things they were saying to me. thank god. it was funny cuz amie was shocked at how "confrontational" becky and i are. and how "weird". she is such a conservative nerd-o. in a good way. i think its just that bostonians are friendlier and more laid back then us pesky new yorkers. anyway. then amie takes us to some bar where we proceed to drink a shot only known as a "red headed slut"!!!!!!!!!! ahhahahahah. it was delish, and such a funny name. the bar would have been a blast cuz a cheesy 80s cover band was playing such hits as "like a prayer" "99 luft balloons" and "love shack" but alas, once again, NO A/C. what the fuck is wrong w/boston? or amie, cuz there were other bars with a/c. dumb. she said, "i hate being in charge." well, good, cuz you're fired!
so we go home to her apt. and play silly drinking games (marry, fuck or kill for example, with the most AWFUL people named)(like, seriously awful)(worse than you could even imagine)(my sisters are really gross) and call my mom who says, "be careful and don't make a mess!" much to our absolute delight. amie quickly passes out on the horrid air mattress so we go to sleep. for the record, air mattresses are fucking dumb.
next day we go eat at some (airconditioned) diner which was a delicious occasion. then we drive around southy looking for a place to paint mugs (we are such looooooosers) and end up at quincy market, which i love. we buy some shit and eat at a wonderful restraunt where i proceed to have a lobster.
we left not too long after that.
i think i had an anxiety attack about driving home since i was so tired and my last experience driving home from boston was really fucking terrible. i thought i was having a heart attack.
however, this awful heart attack feeling keeps happening to me. its happening right now. what is wrong w/me? maybe i'm stressed out. maybe i should write my paper.

only 4 days left of my practicum!!!! i am so excited!

oh heck yes!

i am so very excited!!! first off, i did not go to sleep, i ended up talking to my mother in law for an hour. then, i decided to go online. cuz i'm a looser. then, i checked out all the usual spots: marcspitz.com, letsgosteadydebbie.com, productshopnyc.com...and LO AND BEHOLD there was a beauteous little symbol with the words next to it "BAD RELIGION playing Irving Plaza Nov. 15"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am dancing around, and ironically 'broken' just came on my mix, how wicked awesome is that?!
so i call andy all excited, and he informs me that ltj is playing in the fall. i look at their BALL SUCKING website and its all about germany and australia...so i go to ticketmaster and yes indeed, less than jake will be in long island on september 28th! so we don't have to go to warped tour and see a bunch of ass sucking bands, and i get to see all 4 of my favorite bands within a few months of each other (NIN, cKy, bad religion, less than jake! hurray!)(the best was the time a few years ago that less than jake and bad religion played together. that was wonderful!)

however, the other day andy informed me that he is no longer interested in going to concerts, which greatly concerned me. cuz we used to be concert whores. we'd be at roseland like every weekend. i personally have made a lifestyle decision that i will NEVER AGAIN sit in seats at a concert, unless they are front row. cuz i had a very sucky NIN experience last year, where i was on the floor and in "good seats." and saw dick. (no, i didn't see dick. at house of blues in a.c., however, there was apparently dick touching. but i didn't see it. even tho i was RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE STAGE!!!) but that is neither here nor there, we WILL be going to see ltj and br and ever so soon!

pizza, goop and things we don't understand

juliet and i just made some homemade personal pizzas. she is so stoked. we're waiting for it to cool down, and she's watching little bear, so i thought i'd take a moment to write.

it went nicely last night. beck found A NEW DRESS and it is stunning. she looks so beautiful in it, and we're pretty sure that it's THE ONE. lyzz and i tried on a few new ones. they're pretty (i even looked good, what with all my lumps and all). oops, the d is calling, i'll be back...

so yea, we just ate our wonderful pizza and some fruit salad yummy yummy. she kept calling the cherries apricots. "these apricots are yummy mommy." i was like, no the apricot is the one you hate. silly old jules.

so she's in bed almost asleep and i have so much to do (clean, mop, pack for boston, pack juliet's diaper bag for her day @grandma and poppy's, start my paper, etc.) yet my A#1 priority is to go to sleep right this second. i'm crippled w/exhaustion (what the hell am i going to be like when i'm student teaching & working?!)

oh i finally figured out how to make goop (this magnificent creation of glue and liquid starch; its like playdough but cooler.) not perfect, but close enough. juliet freaking loved it. i had a good fun afternoon w/her. she just took her bath, and now every time the water is draining, she looks at me and says, "relax" and lies down floating on her back (i do this to her in the pool) it is so damn funny!

yea so i think becky found her dress. we're going up to boston tomorrow which i'm stoked about yet sad...i'll miss andy and the baby a lot...yet so super exited i could burst. becky & i went up to boston to visit amie once when she was a freshman in college. we had a nice, low key weekend (this was before amie was quite a drinker hahaha)(seriously)although we did have a huge fight over my archnemesis (do YOU have an archnemesis? its so fun to have one!)in this quaint college coffee shop. then we saw "american history x" and we discussed it endlessly outside in the freezing winter air whilst drinking coffee in harvard square. it was a moment, all warm and fuzzy looking back on it now. although at the time i hated amie w/all my heart. but i'm looking forward to going even tho we're leaving at 7am aka the BCOD.

i am right now listening to "the smiths" because i just need to understand them and the meaning behind the band so obsessed over in "how soon is never?" have i gushed about that on this site yet? cuz i know i must have driven amy and mike insane the other night driving home from the city cuz i am pretty sure that i KEPT talking about it. it's another marc spitz book, and it is WONDERFUL. i LOVED it so much i put jPOD on hold and finished it first. so great. read it. also, jPOD is still great just cuz its ol' doug. but now i love me ol' marc, and i cross my fingers and wish on a star that someday, in fall perhaps, i'll be buying him a drink!

also last night lyzz told me that she'd succomb to having a wedding/ceremony/party type deal IF I PLANNED IT ALL. hello!? i'm so there! i have my dress picked out and hers too!

something that is odd that i was just reminded of whilst listening to the smiths: "girlfriend in a coma" is both a smith's song AND a Douglas Coupland book!!! don't you just love when things go full circle.

on a final note: why do people try to make you feel like you're worthless? like, even if you don't have a lot of $$, or didn't while growing up, don't people realize that things change, and circumstances change? don't they see that there's a reason that some of us work our ballsacks off to go to school to get higher degrees, and get good jobs and so on and so forth? its so mindblowing. it makes me spend money lavishly to show that i'm NOT a fuckwad looser.

and to make you feel even worse for me, yesterday my grandmother told me to either blowdry or curling iron my hair cuz "you're too pretty to have hair like that."

more old skool shit; LTJ heavy

My Less Than Jake obsession part ONE: LaBorDAy

It all began on a Monday in August. I was at work, all alone. I usually do not work on Mondays, but on this particular Monday, there I was. Andy calls me and we’re talking. I am reading my e-mail, and Amie had e-mailed me that LTJ was playing at her school, Brandeis, in Waltham, Massachusetts. I tell this to Andy, who says, “Eh, whatever. We’ll go see them at Roseland when they come.” We like LTJ, and Andy has seen them twice, and I had only seen them once at last summer’s Warped Tour, but I left their show early to see Suicidal Tendencies. So whatever, I think. I really didn’t want to travel up to MA anyway.
Later that day, Andy calls again. “We are so going to Brandeis to see LTJ,” he states, “It is a free concert.” Ok, I think, whatever.
So we all journey three hours up to Waltham. It’s me, Andy, Jen, Danny and Kevin. We stop at a cool rest stop where they give out free coffee. We are weary of this free coffee, and we do not take any. Our game plan is to party at Amie’s house the night before, and go see LTJ the next day. The night is insane, filled with Ghostbusters and flipping cups. A girl yells at Kevin about Tom Green and blind people. We are very scared.
The next day we are all hung over and groggy. As we sit in the kitchen, a random girl walks by. We are frightened.
We go to Brandeis. Andy and I were not allowed to be there, for reasons I will not go into. So we are highly illegal. The concert is beginning, but we are hungry and hung over. We eat in the silly dining hall. Jen gets green paint on her calf, although we are not really sure how.
We go back to where the concert is taking place. There are a lot of people milling around. They seem to be very young. A security guard yells at Amie for having a Diet Dr. Pepper, so the two of us defiantly finish the entire thing in front of him, leaving the can for him to dispose of.
Finally, we are inside again. We find Andy and Kevin at the tee shirt booth. They have very lovely tee shirts, and they cost only $8. Suddenly, Amie states: “That guy is a looser.” I look back, and find Roger kissing the girl selling the tee shirts (on the cheek you silly people with dirty minds and a lot of imagination). He is very nice to her, thanking her for um…I guess selling the tee shirts. Amie finds him a “looser” because he states: “I just got up.” (remember, Amie is still hung over and must have been internally jealous of Roger sleeping late.)
Andy and Kevin conspire like chipmunks, and go over to him and talk to him about LTJ touring with Insane Clown Posse. Roger replies that they probably won’t because they don’t like some other band they’re touring with, and I’m loving the answer because I also don’t like this band and think that ICP should have kicked them off the tour, but that’s another story. Of course, I am not involved with this conversation, because I ran away, because I’m afraid of Roger, who is in fact, in LTJ.
We go in (I know, this is confusing because we KEEP going IN. but now, we are in the actual auditorium where the bands are playing, whereas before we were in the lobby.) That other band is on…and we are near the sound dude, and SO IS ROGER. I keep sneaking peeks at him, but again, I am afraid, so I don’t go over to him.
Then the band ends, and we go right up to the front, and we have an excellent place to stand, and we are RIGHT IN FRONT. And right next to the speakers. Oy. Amie and Jen sit on something, and they are holding their ears, and Chris, who is clad in a funny dork costume, mocks them. Yay, we cheer. Chris mocked Amie and Jen. Hahahaha. The concert rocks. We are dancing and jumping and screaming and right in front and having the best time. They play “Jen…” and we start screaming and singing to Jen, who is smiling happily. Amie screamed like a dork when they played “I think I love you…” and danced wildly from her seat. At the end, we were terrified, Amie and I were, because Andy decided to jump on stage and sing along, and we were thinking that he’d probably get us arrested because he was certainly not supposed to be on campus, let alone on stage.
After the concert, Andy and Kevin again found Roger, and got his autograph. I hate them for that.
Just months later, I find that LTJ do indeed give interviews for zines, and I cry. I weep. I moan because I totally could have talked to Roger, but I was afraid and ran away. I suck.

and this one is entitled: HOLY FUCKING MYSPACE
Do friendships really have to end?
I have to admit that I have a trouble with people. I cannot stand petty annoying bullshit, and I in the process of not standing it, end up getting really annoyed at my so-called friends. But do friendships really have to end? Can they even?
The thing is that I have some friends who are not good for me. (that sounds like it needs a little explanation, huh?)
See, some of my friends are rather…selfish, I guess. They take and take and give nothing in return. This always happens after a period of time. At first, they are the best. As the years go by though, they suck. They literally suck, too, as they drain you of all your life energy. I mean, I am the kind of person who would do anything for a friend. I am loyal and trustworthy, and let me tell you all I want in return is to know that I can trust my friends. Trust them to stand up for me, to be there for me, to not talk about me behind my back in mean and derogatory ways. I will compliment my friends, only to have them not return the confidence boost when I need it most.
Over the past year, I have met some really good people, people who I consider my closest friends even though I haven’t known them for very long. In a heart to heart with my ‘surrogate older sister,’ we discussed one of these friends who was making me miserable. She gave me good advice: step back, take some time away from her. In my head I didn’t think this was possible, but due to busy and conflicting schedules, it happened. Didn’t see her for about a month.
I saw her the other day. I began to miss her, and wonder how she was doing. Ug. All she did was bring me down with her petty gossip and constant whining. And I knew that I could never truly end the friendship, but that I should continue to keep my distance from her for my sanity.
Other friendships are confusing too. Once you pass high school, and continue a friendship after that, its sooo hard to break it, because obviously it meant something to work on it once you didn’t see the person every day. But what if you have a friend who has no tolerance for you? No allowance for the choices you make in your life? That is really a hard one. My best friend and I since a 4th grade bowling party are good with this question, as we are 100% there for each other, NO MATTER WHAT. We have both had some problems arise in our lives in which we have had to make hard decisions, and no matter what we have been accepting of these choices. I know that I personally will always back her up, and I know from experience that she will be there for me. But there are friends who disagree with something you choose to do and give you SHIT for it. Um, how can one be friends with someone like that? I don’t know, is it even worth it?
Then there are the evil friends, the ones who stab you in the back every time you see them. Because of the way you’re dressed. Or the way you talk to them. Or the way you react to someone. Yup, I’ve had these friends before. Its scary to end friendships but sometimes you have to. In this case I did, and I am still wondering if I should give them a call? I am just a sucker for friends and the past.

i love this one too!

this is from december, 2003:
Things I Hate:
My job
Greenwich
People who care about age
Cranberries
Wombats disguised as humans (*******)
Creed
Evil people who tell you you look like a Neanderthal
Teachers who are not teaching you anything
Going to school
Waking up in the morning
Going to sleep at night
Bars
Hearing gossip
People who yell at me
Blink 182 (sure, that song about ‘this is growing up’ was cool, but this new crap should just shut up!)
CARSON DALY (die Carson, die)
People who try to discuss “what art is” and disagree with your opinion and just dismiss it as wrong
My adolescent lit. teacher
The book “Wifey” by Judy Blume
MTV
Total Request live
Snow (unless its bad enough to cancel school)
Not graduating on time
$Money$
bills
Diana Ross
WCW
Rereading books I’ve read before and having them suck the second time around
When cousins say snotty things about your boyfriend
Lita and Trish Stratus(um, gag)
Things I Love:
Summer
The beach
Books by Stephen King
Circle of Death
Playing volleyball in the road
System of a Down
Incubus (eh, that was then...)
Meeting Less Than Jake
Parties at Andy’s
Adolescent Literature
“Summer Sisters” by Judy Blume
Having friends who are cool and not dicks
Memories
Being a witch
The sun
Greek mythology
The 60s
“Dazed and Confused”
Not having to go to work or school
Thinking about my future
Dreaming about going to LA (fucking FINALLY!)
Strawberry Margaritas
The taste of the 4th of July (Tequila and Bud Ice)
PeeAire
Cool lyrics
Andy
Having the bad people out of my life
Writing cool stories
WWF (oope, E)
The 80s
Being engaged (aww...being married is MUCH better)


how fucking cute is this silly list? also, i STILL hate wombats disguised as humans!

just reposting some old shit...

remember this?

A Lament to my Friends, who Rule.

There is a song which sings, “How do I get back there to the place where I fell asleep inside you?” and whenever I hear it I think of you.
I think of the few of you who have made me happy through these years, when I have been a self-proclaimed nontrusting, antisocial, paranoid and highstrung bitch.
There is a girl who lives far away, and I’ve doubted her as much as I’ve loved her. She has proved me wrong, dancing wildly on the roof of a glass building.
On that same glass rooftop, there is a girl who screamed “Death!” and how we laughed. And although our relationship started out badly, we have proved that circumstance wrong. She sacrifices to make me happy and she is always there when I need her.
In that family there is a brother, and although he was younger and friends with my siblings, he too turned out to be someone I fell asleep inside of while doing tequila shots and throwing wild hotel parties.
And halfway around the world, or at least as far as Hollywood, there is a girl who knows as well as me that misery loves company and who flew a million miles to be with me on one fine day and who inspires me constantly and urges me to push myself.
When I’m with them I feel like I could die and it would be all right.

i am such a misanthrope...

this is me and young dico. isn't he handsome?

so i'm on the phone w/my mother and we're just congering up some 'witches of eastwick' type brooding (my family is quite witches by blood, both sides, so bad things often come of that whole brooding thing). why is the human race, as a whole, so corrupt and evil? i know evil, and it is in the form of a man. a man who is a fucking hairdresser. most of you know who and what i speak of, some of you have come in contact with the meltingfaced devil. anyway, i'm just amazed that some people are so fucking miserable and what, BORED? with their lives that they find it necessary to act like 7th graders and talk smack about people who they haven't seen in many a year. i'm not even going to go there, cuz i am blocking it from my brain so as not to have a hemmorage, but seriously. FUUUUCK OFFFFFFF!

and to commemerate my pure and burning hatred i am going to republish (?) something that i wrote in Draconian Sunshine about 5 years ago:

The Top Ten Reasons I Hate My Job:
1. The people there are all uneducated in many ways, are slightly white trash, very loud and obnoxious, and although its not a terrible thing to have not gone to college, its very annoying when you have to take 2 (difficult) finals in one day, and have to go into work, and have these uneducated, white trash HAIRDRESSERS make faces at you because you’re 15 minutes late (hey bitch, try taking a final that isn’t related to cutting hair, then coming to work after. Good luck!)
2. The people there are unattractive, have funny hair (one girl had weird blond hair that is never brushed and the owner is BALD with a dumb comb over) yet have the fucking nerve to come up to me and my lovely curly hair and say, “What happened to you, did you get caught in a wind tunnel?”
3. Yes, I understand it is a very upscale hair salon (!) but really, contain your jealousy. I got my hair cut and colored at a spa in Stamford, and because this place is their number one ENEMY/competition, the owner (refer to Man With Comb Over) tells me they RUINED MY HAIR. “You do know that you’re hair is ruined right?”
4. And I am not kidding when I say that the other day my eyebrows were not properly tweezed and one of the girls came up to me and said “My God! Look at your eyebrows. You look like a Neanderthal.” Yes, the girl told me I looked like a NEANDERTHAL.
5. I am a part-time receptionist. The full-time receptionist doesn’t like me being there. She is insane. She whines all the time and threatens to leave and quit and retire. She is in her 50s. She acts like a 16 year old whose boyfriend is not paying her enough attention. I am scared.
6. When I couldn’t be there one Saturday because I was going to visit my sister in Boston, my 18-year-old sister covered for me. Remember the Bald Man With the Comb Over? Well, the first thing he said to my sister was, “Oh, how cute, you came in with your hair two different colors just like your sister.”
7. I don’t fit in because I don’t wake up 4 hours early to primp and put on make up. I don’t put on enough make up to be a drag queen. I am not a Barbie. I am not a snob. I am not a creep. I am a free spirited individual who sometimes dyes my hair with pretty colors. Or just bleaches it. But I cannot here, because I will be yelled at.
8. Case in point: last week my boyfriend’s punk band was performing. I put temporary purple in my hair. I didn’t wash it out before going to work, and this one girl (refer to White Trash) yelled at me, “What the Hell did you put in your hair?” and the Bald Man’s alcoholic wife said, “What did you think it was Halloween?”
9. After New Years this year, the full-time receptionist took 2 weeks off, leaving me there alone. When she came back, she made a list of all the mistakes I made, and taped it to her desk for everyone to see. The main point was to show Bald Man with Comb Over that I am not as fucking good as she is.
10. Do you really need another reason I hate this job? I mean, they are degrading, make mean comments about my looks, and are just horrible, rude people. I am a sensitive person, so imagine how I almost cried the day I was alone at the desk, taking a phone call appointment, and Bald Man with Comb Over *yelled* at me for not immediately taking care of a paying customer. I was ON THE PHONE BOOKING AN APPOINTMENT you piece of shit. But if you insist on a number ten reason I’ll give you the most putrid reason of all. I recently got engaged, and I have the most beautiful ring ever. I am not a big diamond girl, I prefer moonstones and mood rings to be quite honest. But here I am with the greatest boyfriend in the world, who sacrificed a lot to get me this beautiful one-carat ring. And Mr. I am Bald and have a very unfashionable Comb Over remarked that it was “cute.” He then proceeded to tell me that I should wear on of the very large, very gaudy cubic zirconium rings that they sell at the salon, since my ring was so small, and he remarked that my fiancé would “never notice the difference.” Yea like the kid didn’t work his ass off to get me this ring, which means more to me than anything…go ahead. Make fun of it. Asshole. I hate everything about this job. It’s horrid.

i just want to point out that after i wrote this, i became the full-time receptionist cuz i drove the old woman to quit, and i wasted away for 4 more years in the hellhole. and i'm not going to lie. while i still never got up hours early to primp, i made sure my (eventually perfect and blond) hair was always blown out and that i looked presentable. while i was there i started to loose myself. my brain melted and started to rot out of my skull. yet i was making serious dough, so i stayed...cuz i was getting married and wanted to save $$ then cuz i couldn't quit, the job market was too bad then cuz i would be screwing them over but THEN i got knocked up (HEHEHE) and left a month early (cuz the asshole wouldn't buy the 500 lb. preggo comfortable fucking chairs to sit in) and never looked back. and i'm in SUCH a better place now, i love what i do and i'm so happy. yet he's stil fucking talking shit about me and my family...to my UNCLE for fuck's sake?! and my grandmother has this fucking obsession with him. my mother told her to tell him that he was on becky's wedding list (cuz he WAS) and now that all this shit went down, he's off. (this is the god's honest truth) and my grandmother (grandmere. if you know her, you get it)is like, "oh, don't make that decision yet."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i know, i said i wouldn't get into it, but i just had to get it off my chest :{

and also, i was just talking to lyzz about other annoyances, mostly from THAT SUMMER, and some fucked up shady bullshit that has started to circulate. all i'm saying is that i am doing a LOT for this wedding already, as is andy, and if there is any nonsense with the other dickholes who are in the wedding party, i will have to lay down some severe punishment.

crikey.

andy is currently at iona doing stuff for grad school! i am so happy to be done, and it SUCKS for him that he's just getting started. just kidding, at first its good. its at the end of 2 years that you're ready to kill.

speaking of which, instead of writing my paper that's due wednesday, i'm going to boston for the weekend.

senioritis.

echo station in the paper (a.k.a. beadlepaloozakiller)

damn you mr. pillowpants

so much to say and so little time in life to do it...saturday night we went to this crazyass bar in nyc called Karma which we choose bc of the hookas...it was supposedly like Kush, but not all pretensious and um, $300/bottle expensive. we got there and it was a bit suckfest, cuz suzieye (whose bday it was) was pissed cuz there were no tables, we were all tired, the redbull and vodkas were $9, so on and so forth...and the table we were scouting was supposedly reserved but there was only one drippy drunk girl there dancing like a lanky weirdo...luckily andy spotted a sweeeeet ass spot right in front, with a velvety couch and a long table and not one but TWO hookas and a bunch of silly little stools. our party of 11 was quite comfy, and we had a fucking blast! i FINALLY got to do a jagerbomb (which was que delicioso) and we got SIX rounds of hooka tobacco which is quite insane looking back on it. by the end of the night i was um, drunk, so i ordered "chicacherrycola" flavor, which was one cherry and one cola. how retarded is that? the next day, of course, the baby woke up and started calling for me at some ungodly early hour (see, when paulie and the twins babysit, they stay up later than we get home so they're not awake when the baby gets up. they suck!)so i was up and awake and hungover all day. andy and the guys had practice at 11, which i thought was a joke cuz i figured they would all be out of commision. but no, they were all there by 12ish, and they sounded so awesome. they had a really fun practice, really loose and silly and just amazing and playing crazy songs like "i'm just a girl in the world..." after, we sat around on my mom's porch bullshitting, talking about the upcoming beadlepalooza, planning the t-shirts, getting excited, having fun. then we go home to nap (uh, cuz i had to go to a wedding that night.) as soon as i close my eyes, andy's cell phone starts to ring (the dx theme)and it's michael j, with the worst news EVER... beadlepalooza is cancelled. what the fuck?! unfortunately the amazing article in the westmorenews got them in some trouble w/billy's landlord and the police and firemen...they must have assumed it was some sort of pagan rockfest instead of a fucking barbeque...anyway, we're still trying to come up with ideas, so we'll discuss that later.
okay, so then i go to a wedding. the thing was with this wedding was that it was one of andy's old friends from h.s. who i wasn't really close with, but i was informed early that i would be sitting at a table with 2 guys i knew from a few years ago during quite a bad summer...so i was NOT looking forward to it. i was STILL hungover at the cocktail hour and didn't want to drink. i ended up hanging out w/chucky and sandy eye, who i fucking LOVE (they are awesome the likes of phil and april! i adore them!) when andy breaks the news that my fucking exboyfriend is tending bar that night. NICE. like its not bad enough all the weird old people i have to see. but whatever. i like weddings. i start drinking some cabernet and loosening up and i end up talking to the weirdos i used to be friends w/, and the wedding is beautiful and i cannot wait for becky and mark's wedding! some bitch w/frizzy hair in bad need of a flat ironing made some fucked up comments about my tattoos on my back (her:"are you an astrologer?"with a dumb bitch look on her face. me:"do you have a flat iron?" with a cheesy grin and my middle finger up)but other than that, it was a good time. i sang loudly tho, that last song "last dance" and andy was like, dude, shut up! but i liked it a lot.
monday night andy and i took paulie the squirrel out for his 14th bday which was today. we ate the heavenly treat that is chillis, and went to see clerks 2.

clerks 2.

it was a big fucking risk for kevin smith to do this movie. i mean, clerks is ingrained in our brains, its a part of our soul, so there was really no way that he would really succeed with this movie. at first i was totally hating on it. first of all, dante is not a fucking stud, and he was making me uneasy with his confident act. rosario dawson should NOT have been a lead. having kevin smith's wife was ok, cuz she's like one of the new jersey regular people that should be in this movie (where was veronica? where is caitlin bree?)but i hate when these bigname hollywood actresses come into these movies, cuz they don't really work. like that dumb chick from dogma. come on, couldn't they find someone who fit more? but whatever. there were some cute clerk cameos (the original wilem appeared, jason lee was some douchey guy who looked like my name is earl, ben assface was there for one second, and ethan suppley a.k.a. wilem from mallrats was there buying drugs with the kid who bought drugs from jay and silent bob strike back. i love things like that).
the guy who played elias was fucking hilarous and made the movie bearable (oh man, mr. pillowpants the pussytroll). as of course did jay and silent bob (oh man jay nearly kills me with the chapstick). there was a very funny lotr/star wars fight, which made me giggle. there was a lot of bullshit and dumb gags that were just not funny (most awkward scene: randal is slamming on some handicapped guy's blog, calling him crippy and talking shit about him being in a wheelchair. and of course there is a young dude in a wheel chair in front of us.)anyway, the end was great. after a big cheezefest of retardation, it goes full circle and yes, i had tears in my eyes when i saw the guidance counciler with the milk. and then they end the movie with a soul asylum song. so it ended in a positive fashion. i'd like to see it again. cuz i love clerks.

then i took paulie to get his other ear pierced. my parents (who hate me for getting his ear pierced)got him a new doggy, which he named dico (yes, after brandon) and he is a cute little guy. he is 14. ew. paulie not dico, dico is only 3 months. and he nearly ate juliet.

becky picked out a dress! we're going thurs. night to check that shit out.

the fucking WHO is playing this summer at jones beach and madison square garden and the tix are $400 each. whY!?! i would LOVE to see the who. ahhhhh. and POISON too. good seats, like vip ones, are $250 each. bummer. one of these days i'm so going to spend $400/ticket to see the who. before they die, for fuck's sake.

8 days left of my practicum! haven't even pretended to start my paper.

it's the end of the world as we know it (and i feel fine!)

yes, another damaging storm.

crazy ass thunderstorms are afoot here in new ro...we even lost power for a bit this morning. however, the sight of lightening hitting the rr tracks behind our house didn't stop us from traveling to the bronx zoo for some good old fashioned animal seeing. it was a steaming mess in the zoo. no joke, i was quite literally soaking wet because of the rainforest-like atmosphere. it was worth it tho...wellsybop loved it, and got to come face to face with monkeys and gorillas and flamingos...at the children's zoo she almost had the chance to hold a chicken for a hefty fee of $15 which was just ridiculous. due to the stormy morning, we were let in for free which was pretty neet-o (since it would have cost about $30 just to get in).

dude, the channel 12 news team just informed me that the lincoln ave. exit in new ro is closed due to flooding...we just got off of that exit a few hours ago...we have such impeccable timing, don't we? becky & mark thought it would be a good idea to go to the met game...in the rain? dumb.

i found my marc spitz book "how soon is never?" in the back of my truck, and i started reading it (one of my quirky personality traits that i bet you never knew: i read more than one book at a time.) i fucking LOVE it. even more than "too much, too late." it is thus far pure brilliance. not as much as a character in a douglas coupland book meeting douglas coupland on a flight to china which just happened in jPOD, but so far so good. just as a sampling of how wonderful it is, the title of chapter six is simply "the first violent femmes album". heavenly!uh-oh, the d is squawking about in her crib...i best check on her to assure that she is not naked.

hmmmmmmmmm...she was lying quite serenely under the covers, thumb in mouth, watching Dumbo the Grape...

anywho, had a nice lazing about afternoon reading the book, cooking healthy food for trapskin to eat even tho she awoke asking for chips and candy (christ!). the save the date magnets that i have designed are pure fucking brilliance. i don't know why i'm not a graphic designer, cuz i'm so good...i also should have a mac, but alas... the 2 that are the forerunners are quite nautical and charming if i say so myself... my fave is the downward spiral-looking one altho andy and rebecca like the one with the starfish (which is also adorable!) i downloaded some funny fonts, such as JEDI and the font from the tv show "Charmed" (is that what its called? w/alyssa milano?)(or is it "charming" and i'm a douche?)

echo station news: there is an article on the boys in this weeks The Westmore News. ahhhhh!!!! i am dying to see a copy and i'm stuck here instead. oops i didn't pick up my dress from the dry cleaners today either.

this girl i know from cKy concerts got a crazyass tattoo on her hand, like on her hand onto her middle finger. it is the cKy logo, plus the A for an answer can be found. it is quite slinkster. it has gotten me thinking quite seriously about band tattoos. we've had the discussion before, andy and i, and it just sucks cuz my fave bands logos are too obvious or too scandalous.
bad religion: a cross w/an anti-sign thru it. not only is it quite shocking, it kind of bothers me. the anti-sign is red, the cross is black...but what about the background? do i have to get a WHITE tattoo? that is just so dumb...and it would not look right w/skin...
tool: very phallic wrench symbol (i'd thought about going the alternate route and getting a very large scorpion on my spine, but who would equate that w/tool other than andy and i?)
less than jake: silly pez boy? dynamite? too cartoony for me.
cKy: eh, the A is a cool idea. but not the album i'd be willing to scar onto my body.
nine inch nails: um, other than the NI(backwards)N, really none to mention...and the NI(backwards)N is again, too obvious.
andy claims that if they get signed, he WILL in fact get an echo station tattoo. i'm still awaiting my infinity symbol, dragon fly, and purple heart.
oh, anyway, we concluded that the best band tattoo to get would be a perfect circle... but who the hell wants to get an apc tattoo? i mean, yea, maynard. but not really.

yea that is enough of my ramblings for today. i'm going to go read marc spitz gush about how much the violent femmes rock the world.

if JANE can do it, so can i

currently listening to: "you need this" by reel big fish
current mood: starving quite to death and weak
plans for tomorrow since i'm cutting out on work: taking juliet to the zoo! "i see bears and tigers and lions and penguins..." (penguins!?)
things i'm currently obssessed with:
*jPOD by douglas coupland*~ i fucking love him and this book and i'm excited for andy that he's going to get his master's in c.s.
*in with the out crowd by less than jake*~ as i've said before in my last posts, i am really starting to dig this album especially track 11.
*green olives*
*it's always sunny in pennsylvania*~ i admit that it took til the 2nd (3rd 1/2 hour) episode to get into it (entitled denis and dee go on welfare. ahahahahah.), but damn, what a funny fucking show.
*vanilla soy milk*
*wheat germ*
*the latest delia's catalogue*
new song playing on playlist: "individual" by bad religion
current musing: how is deron miller doing in rehab?
oops, even newer song playing: "my own flag" ltj ...which reminds me
current band obsession: LESS THEN JAKE (should we just dough up the $35 for warped? i think so especially andy's wasting money on rhcp and 311. right?!)
show i currently watch yet thing is fucking retarded: lucky louie
man, songs keep on acomin' on this playlist: "blue" by apc (i fucking love this song too. i heart maynard.)
current t.v. show that i should be on making $250, 000: world series of pop culture. seriously, i know the answer to 95% of questions.
current plans: eating mickey dees w/ andy.

changed my mind...

the new ltj album has some amazing lyrics just keep jumping out and smacking me in the brain. my current fave is "hopeless case":

I have this feeling inside that i wouldn't like me if i met me. it seems like a losing fight, if you can see thru my eyes then you'd believe me. the truth is that i'm overrated, I can't think straight I'm formulaic, the truth is that it's sad to say it, but you can't help me. you don't see me that way, you hear the words that i say, you just tell me that my heart's in the right place, it's the world that's confused and it's never too late to save a hopeless case i've always known a ghost like me, can disappear in a moment, i'm my own worst casualty, everything i touch can get broken, the truth is that i'm self-destructive, i'm insecure, i'm out of focus, the truth is that i've had enough but you still help me. you don't see me that way, you hear the words that i say, you just tell me that my heart's in the right place, it's the world that's confused and it's never too late to save a hopeless case. you're giving me perspective, it's better than mine, and i'll still be defective and you're wasting your time.

powerful and beautiful don't you think? i have found that while i'm not impressed with the catchiness of the music (ltj usually has me dancing in the aisles) the lyrics are far more mature and meaningful than usual (i have a word fetish; i can't help it).

on a different *note*, have you ever heard the ben fold's version of "tiny dancer?" i am quite in love with it.

my observation went well today, thanks for asking. my professor is impressed with the beautiful classroom i'm in, as i am . my teacher (the one i'm working with) is probably one of my favorite people in this world and that's a pretty powerful statement considering i've known her all of 8 days. she is the most unique, strongest and unabashidly (is that a word? poetic justice) nonconformist person i've ever known, and she's 63. she could give a shit what anyone else says or does or thinks, and just knows that when her gut says something, its the way it has to be. she has been around the block, lived in greece for years, in paris for some, has 2 grown up sons, was a high fashion model, has been divorced and still in a 25 year relationship with a different guy, and went back to get her degree at 59! her experience makes her unflappable, and i truly hope that i am in contact with her forever. i feel like i get strength from her. have you ever felt like that? like when you're with a certain person, or have them backing you, you're invicible? i used to feel like if christina and i were in h.s. together, we could conquer it without being self-conscious or insecure---we'd always have the back up of each other. well, anyway, this is a different more grown up feeling, a more professional/career feeling. i would love to have her as my mentor, because i know that while i've learned a lot about her in the classroom, i'd truly grow with her as a person.
she kicks all sorts of ass!

...is this thing on at all?

i actually got off my ass after writing yesterday and cleaned my apartment up real nice. i even mopped the paint off the kitchen floor! however, i do need to dust. and do my closet. but at least i started!

so i've become re-obsessed with less than jake, and i finally popped 'in with the out crowd' into my cd player in my car. the best thing about the cd so far is that juliet was singing along to some "hey, hey" part of one song. i dunno, i'm just not feeling it so far. but we want to go see them at warped tour (even tho the tix are THIRTY FIVE fucking dollars) so i gots to be learning the new songs. i like the overrated song, and i love that damn video so much i could watch it over and over.

i have my first official observation from my professor tomorrow...and i am doing a lesson on drawing in a line, from the left to right side. not sweating it, tho. i'm going to say right here, on the record, that i have SENIORITIS. the itis, for short. there is a place right down the street from my school in the bronx called 'soul food' and i want to go there and lie in a bed and eat candied yams. anyway, i got my goddamn B+ (thanks, whorebag) so i could give a fuck about grades right now. oh, plus i landed my dream job, so again, who gives a shit if i do well in the 2nd to last class i ever need to take?! exactly. and lemee tell you, i've been slacking off like the old me. might as well be listening to nitro by the offspring on repeat.

my favorite part of the new ltj cd is the opening lines to 'overrated' which are:
"Maybe I'm jaded and bored
Always looking for more
Wait around for the next big fix
I know I'm a wreck, I'm a mess
But I couldn't care less
Don't know what it would take to change me"

...that is me in a nutshell right now!

i just keep getting more and more tired...

and my apartment just keeps getting messier and messier. and i just keep getting clutzier and clutzier.

seriously, i feel asleep while playing with juliet, and awoke to find myself covered in wiggles stickers. after she hit me in the nose with mikey the glow worm.

even more seriously, i was emptying the dishwasher so that i could get the blender filled with soymilk and blueberries out of the sink, and i flipped a knife over (round and round it went, like a goddamn slowmo movie) and yes, it knicked my knuckle.

yet, even more painfully, i stubbed my toe on juliet's snow white bench becasue there is just shit EVERYWHERE in my house. shoes, clothes, towels, blueberries...mostly its juliet's doing, cuz she is the tazmanien devil in actuality. she whirls about in a sea of madhair and swirling eyes, picking up everything in her wake. kind of like that tornado that hit tarrytown. we used to call her hurricaine ivan, but that's directly due to her crazyass hair, not the fact that she spins incessently.

anyway, instead of getting my life back on track (my life within this apartment anyhow) i'm bullshitting my way around myspace and this blog and somehow that makes me feel better. i tried to stick to my diet today but found some twizzlers in my beachbag and just needed to snack. and i just cannot get enough. its nearly 6. only 3 hours til bedtime...

how do i get hungover at 2 in the afternoon?

i feel like shit. my stomach has got that hollow vomit feel, and my head has the spinnys. yet i woke up okay, despite puking all night after a lovely evening at beckwith pointe. i just don't get how one pukes after drinking beer. like, at amanda's wedding, i should have puked what with doing tequila shots and drinking rum and cokes all night. yet last night is the night i get sick. i have such a stupid stomach. and the crazy d just fell asleep despite the fact that she's been in her crib for 2 hours, and andy's family reunion started 17 minutes ago. we will wait for her to be well rested however, because if we don't we're in for a hellish day. so yea, i'm sitting in the bathtub reading douglas coupland's new book, jpod, which is awesome so far, and bam! the fucking hangover hits. so stupid. argh. um. i really have nothing else to say. i think i'll go lay down for a bit. oh! i discovered vinny from less than jake's blog, pickyourpoisons.com.

i'm a meloncholy (wo)man...

driving home from the bronx today, i just broke down and started crying. i don't know why i feel like there's this huge weight of sorrow pressing down on me. everything seems like its underwater right now. this may be a chemical thing (when i'm pmsing, i really get fucked up)but i think i may just be crashing and burning from having so much on my plate.

please excuse me as i lament myself and sing a song of sorrow...

it is tough to juggle having a baby and the rest of life, let alone school and an internship. i've read things about how hard it is to be a single mother, but dude, its just as hard for us not single mothers. andy helps me 100%, as do a myriad of other people: my parents, sisters, in-laws, my new manny, paulie, grandparents...i mean, everyone does so much for us that its ridiculous.
yet its still always me. i'm the mommy. i'm the one who has to get up for her in the morning, regardless of whether i have to be in the bronx in 10 minutes or not. just because she's my baby, because she's my heart and soul. i want to do everything i can for her, and i don't deny myself of this. but i'm saying that the emotional and physical exhaustion catches up with me once in awhile. i wouldn't have it any other way, but caring so deeply for this little sunshine of a being is a 24/7 job...you're constantly thinking about her, her health, her happiness, her mind, is she having fun? has she had enough to eat? is she learning enough? and the guilt i feel, being with other kids 4 hours a day.
and being with children with special needs for a half of a day is very emotionally draining too. my kids are amazing, and very high functioning. but as a good teacher, i'm constantly "on", asking questions, posing scenarios, thinking of ways to entertain and teach, every minute of the day that i'm there.
and school. christ. every class requires these ridiculous papers, with research and thinking involved, and i am just ready to be done with it. i just cannot do it anymore. cuz i can't just take the easy way out of things, i have to create an original and daring idea, and implement it so that i really shine. its all consuming.
i don't know. i'm not complaing about my life. just the other day (monday, to be exact) i was king of the world. i love my internship, i love my baby and my husband and my family...i love everything, and i am extremely happy with my life. but i'm just so damn tired.
and i assure you that i am pmsing, so this is a chemical thing right now that's causing me to lament and feel sorry for my hard ol' life...just ignore me.

"...am i two souls? one hard? one whole? am i real? i don't want to feel anything anymore..."

ahhhh, a brand new, fresh day.

i'm feeling much better now! i'm going to the bronx late cuz my teacher is out today, so its me and the 2 assistants, and no one but ginny and i get there before 8:30. meanwhile, i'll still be there earlier than anyone else, i'm sure.
jules is watching sesame street and getting a lot of knowledge crammed into that skull of hers. also, my in-laws got her this skull, like a pirate, with a bandana and eye patch and such, and she keeps refering to it as "rocket!" as in "Mama, get me rocket! See rocket? Those bananas are bad!" hehehe. and the kees are destroying my closet and making quite a racket. and now flava flav is staring at me quite intensly. what a nice morning.

creeps!

i know, i'm online again. i got an email stating that i had a comment on my youtube account. so i go, assuming is suzi i or something telling me how cute ruff ruff being a dog is, but no its a strange creepy old motherfucker who had watched the d naked and dancing in bed (which ANDY uploaded, i assure you, not me)and said, :be careful putting pictures of your children online, a friend of mine had a scary run in with a pedafile." so at first i'm abashed, thinking, shit i'm a horrid mother, allowing her child to be seen and cybermolested on the internet. then i realize, what the fuck? how did this pervinoid come across this clip titled "naked!" in the first place? so i write back, "why did you watch it in the first place?" and immediately deleted the video and made all of hers private. i mean, the only reason we even joined youtube is so that 1)people can see my awesome video of chad and deron and 2)to easily share videos with our family and friends. fucking perverts. i'll kill them.

breaking point...

i think i've gotten to a point of burn out. i love my internship, and i truly feel like i'm getting a lot out of it, but i am just exhausted. there is so much emotionally and cognitively involved (as anyone who has ever worked with preschoolers or children with special needs will tell you) and i am just always thinking, coming up with ideas or methods or just going over my day. i think i'm going to just take tonite OFF (i've been out of the house since 7:30 am, and just got home after class, quarter to 6) i know you were wondering, and yes, thank you, i did finish the invitations for the engagement party! i'm just afixing the shipping and return labels and then poof! i'm done! i also finished organizing the wedding list. yes, i'm taking the night off from this as well.

i miss my baby. she is at my mother in law's right now. she should be coming home soon. andy is at echo station practice but has to be in court for work (not cuz he's in trouble, silly! because some idiot's stuff got ruined and he didn't have insurance on his storage room) so he should be home soon. i went to mrs. green's natural food market after class, and i got her some sugar free cookies and organic raspberries, so she can perhaps go back to some semblance of a healthy diet (last night, i kid you not, my mother gave her ICE CREAM for dinner. i don't say anything, cuz i know grandparents spoil their grandchildren. hey i've been there. i'm still there. but really, she is now asking for sugar cubes. i cringe).

hurray. andy just called and he's going to get her and then coming home. i cannot wait to see my wild-haired child. she really is nuts. most fun ever. i'm so excited that i am actually going to be able to spend another month with her before i have to start student teaching/working at theracare. oh and btw, i have my aba training finally scheduled for a week in august. so exciting.
i actually observed an aba class today. um. i don't love it. it reminds me a lot of training a dog. which makes sense since one of the father's of behavioral therapy is pavlov (and we all remember pavlov's dog. and if you don't you're lucky your brain isn't filled with this crap). at least i have a better idea about what i'm going to be doing...did i mention i love my internship. if anyone is in the field of early childhood/special education, i'd strongly recommend trying to get a job at ahrc, which is just a fantastic, caring, nurturing company.
okay. i'm done for the night. i'm not even going to type in my practicum log. i'm signing off.
yea right. like i'm not immediately going to start working on the save the date magnets. did i mention i have a.d.h.d?

It's Official! Let's Go Steady, Debbie! is the big winner...

finally, product shop nyc has officially announced that echo station is the winner of marc spitz/spin magazine's "let's go steady, debbie!" contest. the guys have won a fantastic promotional package, including a showcase at CMJ music festival this fall! the representative that contacted the band said, and i quote, "And once again, a big congralutations on writing such a rock n' roll composition. You are The Jane Ashers!" if you've read the book, you'd know that that is a pretty hefty quote there. an excerpt from the book describing the song reads: “You think she’ll like it?,” Harry wondered aloud. He couldn’t care less that he’d written something like an American classic. A song that anyone could cover and not ruin – even a teenage pop queen, someone who didn’t know shit about love.” so boys, you've written quite the song! i am so proud of you guys, and i cannot wait to see what awaits the band next! give them love and listen to the song...myspace.com/echostation or www.echostationmusic.com. and learn more about the contest at www.letsgosteadydebbie.com
AND READ THE BOOK. it's really good, and you'll be able to hum along to the "debbie" parts, cuz now you know the song!

dream anxiety

i dreamt that it was the "big day" and i missed it. i was flat ironing my own hair hours before and it was coming out horrifically, we didn't have dresses, the photographer didn't take pix of us bridesmaids, and we missed the martini bar. then the wedding ended, and i was suing michael from beckwith pointe for not handling things properly. i think i need to get a life.
as the dream continued, i was on some beach, and roger daltry walked by and i ran after him.
don't you love dreams?

and now the printer is not working

i am so tired my eyes feel like they are filled with glue. and i have to finish the engagement party invites a.s.a.p. and my fucking printer is not working at all. it's just blinking at me. i want to throw it out the window. good news, however: i passed my content specialty tests!!!! multisubject & special education...and i did pretty damn good on them too. i am so happy, that's one less thing i have to worry about with my certification. now i just have to student teach for 3 months. for no pay. oh no. i seem to have fixed the printer, but i might have ruined my sister's wedding... she was going by my wedding list, which i had printed out for her. but a part of it just printed out on the $30 stationary that i'm using, and she may have a lot more people to put on her list...i think i will throw this printer out the window. yea it's still printing. oh no, it's okay, it seems to just be reprinting a random page. christ. i'm racking my brain to come up with my research project for my practicum, and all i know is that i want to work with my little boy with Down Syndrome. he listens and communicates with me and seemingly me alone, which of course is so special :) ooh and i tried to upload another picture on here. if you can see it, it's juliet as e.t.

whatever gets you through the night

i've been up since 5:30 am. like, literally up. sitting at this computer. i don't even know how long i tossed in bed, trying to force myself back to sleep. it is def. this wedding, it is all i can think about! yesterday, rebecca and mark invited me (the control freak) to check out wedding reception sites with them. i was very honored, and it was a really cool thing to be a part of. when i got married a thousand years ago, it was very different. andy and i were the first ones in our families to get married, and we were still in college. i am pretty sure i was 20 and andy was 19 when we got engaged (either that, or we were 21 and 20) and we were still a year from graduating...we were engaged forever. anyway, we were young, dumb, and POOR kids, and we really had no control over a damn thing that happened with our wedding. not that we really cared. we just wanted to be together, which is the way a wedding that is going to work is supposed to be. plus, we're rock stars, so we could give two shits about flower arrangements and other ettiquitey details of weddings. but it would have been nice to feel special about our day. like, celebrated. yes, i would have loved to have been celebrated as a couple for the 2 or 3 years we were engaged, instead of feeling scared because we didn't know how people would react (we're too young, we're still in school, we have no money, why don't you wait until you're established?etc.) i am so happy for my little sister, because she is truly one of the greatest people in the world. she always makes people happy, she just has that knack about her. her boyfriend/fiance is one of my favorite people on earth, and they are the most wonderful, in-love, (anal retentive) couple i've ever seen :) and they're getting the fanfare that they deserve. they've had champagne toasts up the wazoo, an entire 4th of july spent toasting their happiness. my dad even made a toast, which he never would do for my wedding (my mother said he isn't phony so he doesn't need to show of his love in front of people). i told rebecca from the start not to let anyone dampen her day. while my wedding day was a celebratory masterpiece, the years, days, hours, minutes leading up to it were painful. from quotes such as "your ring is too small" and "oh how cute your ring is" to comments about the bridesmaids dresses, the way i was wearing my hair, "i hope people aren't planning on making toasts at your engagment party" on and on and on. my family doesn't have a lot of money, so the fact that my parents paid so much for my wedding makes me very greatful, but it wasn't easy finding a place, because of the money issue. it wasn't like we could just go to an insanely gorgeous seaside wedding haven and sign on the dotted line...oh wait, if we had the experience we have now, we sure could have...i'll never regret my wedding. everything was perfect, and andy and i had the time of our lives (and we are still happy as larks, cuddling on one dented side of our extremely large king sized bed) but i really wish we had had more fun in the process.
a lot of my friends have gotten married since andy and i tied the knot. and every one of their wedding days were fairytalemagical. especially jen's...i was a big part of her day(as she was a vital part of mine)so i got to witness first hand how a fairytale bride gets to be...getting ready all day with her "ladies in waiting," all her best friends from childhood through adulthood...the transformation of the tired girls into beauties, the insanity of watching the blushing bride become a queen... the pictures with the family, and just the fun and enchantment that goes into a wedding.
i wish that kind of fun and happiness on my sister. i have been trying to buffer her from any negativity (not that there is a lot, but yes, there is some...mostly bout the guest list, the money, the wedding party...bla bla bla)my advice to her (which she has taken) was to just do what you want (or what she and mark want) and do it. no one has a say. and they have...yesterday they booked the most enchanted reception site i've EVER seen...
beckwith pointe, right on the water...
beautiful bridal suite, with a balcony overlooking the ocean.
insane cocktail hour, which includes a martini bar (think martini's with names like "madonna" "absolutly screwed up" "caramel apple" "always a bridesmaid" "she's paying..." on and on) and a scrumptious assortment of tasty food.
a reception room that is in itself enchanted...twinking lights in the ceiling, wall to wall view of the ocean, tented outdoor area...the place is PERFECT.
it's killing me to wait until october 5, 2007. so here i am , not able to sleep. and it's that far away...

Transamerica

seriously just blew me away. are you telling me that reese witherspoon beat felicity huffman for best actress in this years oscars? ROBBED. she was fucking amazing. the movie was so fantastic. a few times, i wondered if she watched the movie and cringed because she really looks like a man, baby. dee snider to be exact. but what a fine actress she is.

such a relief!

today i took my final final in models and policies of special education. phew, i am so happy that's over with! i got 3 As on my papers, which was a delightful thing to hear. now i have to wait and see what i got on my final and what grade she decides to punish me with since i left class early for california...i also started my practicum in the bronx, in a self-contained classroom. i fell in love with my kiddies, especially this little boy with down syndrome. such a sweet little devil. and the ride to the bronx was nothing, only 10 minutes. and finally...i am registered for my student teaching, and its all paid for and done and I AM ALMOST DONE WITH SCHOOL! how wonderful is that? i'm exhausted straight down to my bones, but in a good way. now i'm going to feed the wellsybop some chineese food and go to sleep. or maybe i'll start writing my research paper...or my practicum log. it really never ends, does it?

no time for love, dr. jones

unfortunately for whatever reason i cannot get my pictures to work on my last post as anything other than links. and i have to get to school. so i apologize and will try to fix them later :)

Wonderous news, partying like a rockstar, and a series of unfortunate events

so much to say and i think i have a minute to post. first of all, my little sister who is my best friend, and her longtime boyfriend, who is also my b*f*f*l (as i often jokingly refer to him) got engaged on the 4th of july, 8 years to the day of their first hook up. i am the *world's most excited* maid of honor. or, geez, i guess i'm the MATRON of honor. damn, now i feel old and bloated. i'm predicting they'll be married by next october. hurray.
onto echo station's last show w/joebags (until the fall). they played in this weirdass joint in elmsford, paulie's, where cactus jack's used to be (where i once had the unfortunate experience of having sangria spilled down my bra). the place was bursting with people. i was in the waaay back chilling w/my sister and her NOW fiance, my crazy friend blaire, and my in-laws, and we were PRESSED against the wall. it was madness. in a good way. jen, amy and i (also known as A.K.A. the echowives) wore matching t-shirts which proclaimed "Let's Go Steady, Debbie!" quite loudly across the front.
(if you want one, email me and i'll have it to you by beadlepalooza, i promise!) as i mentioned before, joebags is leaving us for the sandy beaches and exotic women of costa rica, so this was his adieu show (until the fall) and i must say that he went out with a BANG. the ever-anticipated 'since you've been gone!' got an amazing reaction from a bunch of crazy ass girls (it was awesome to hear them screaching out the lyrics so passionately).
andy's heartwrenching rendition of 'keep on rockin' in the free world' was delicous as always, but i have to express that the best part of the night was the original e/s songs. dude, we flipped when they played 'veitnam' which i'm pretty sure they retired after kevin went away to college 5 years ago. forget 'tear in my beer' which of course jen, keely, kristen (who we missed dearly) and el gato sang back up on on the echo station ep. 'claire' roused several screams, and 'debbie' caused a dance riot to break out. however, nothing compared to the reaction that 'princess leia' received. a joebags original, i seriously cannot recall the last time they played it. however. this room chock full of fans, both old and new and never before seen, ERUPTED. joebags even stopped singing for awhile cuz we were singing for him. meanwhile, i personally have not been able to get the damn song out of my head. it's just so great. and they lyrics are so cool. man. the show was just bursting with energy (haha, get it?) and passion and happiness and fun times. i don't think i've ever had more fun at one of their shows, and i still don't have a voice from screaming so loud. now, if only beadlepalooza can top that...
my last order of business is my trip to the often-dreamt-about-by-yours-truly land of california. one of my best friends from high school (one of the 3 i still speak to) got married in a magical fairy tale wedding on the rooftop of the Oviatt Penthouse. magical tho her wedding was, our trip was riddled with unbelievable bad luck! it all began when we got stuck in traffic going over the whitestone bridge. which they are doing construction on so that you can see right down the middle of the bridge which is quite terrifying. we felt relieved that we got there before they were even boarding the train; however that just resulted in us getting on the plane 25 minutes late. then andy, in a foolish attempt to lose his wedding ring for the 2oth time, leaves it in security in one of those buckets. the ladies there hassled him endlessly, urging him to leave the damn thing on at all times (the first time he lost it was on our honeymoon. disaster.) we were 20th in line for take off, so i pretty much finished "too much, too late" before we even took off (p.s. READ IT). the flight was long but uneventful. there was a very weird, orange juice drinking maniac next to me however. we got our rental car literally 5 minutes before the rental car place closed, and got to the standard hotel in west hollywood on SUNSET BLVD. (where, yes, strange models hang out in a windowed area behind the reception desk. just to look good. there was a girl, looked about 15, sitting on a pillow, listening to an i-pod, checking her e-mail. so fucking odd) around 5am NY time. didn't stop us from ordering room service from the world's most insane room service man. he came straight into our room, and onto our bed, where i was hiding under the covers in my jamskins. he loved what we were watching, and nearly stayed for awhile.
next morning, we were going to meet the bride, groom, and their families at graumann's chineese theater to see superman returns, when lo and behold the valet guy drives out our saucy little sebring convertible WITH A FLAT TIRE. after hasseling the morons at budget rental car (do NOT go there ever) andy ended up changing the tire himself (well, the valet guy really did it while andy stood by). we went to IHOP for breakfast, and saw dennis rodman. then off to the movie which was quite good, and a noneventful day hanging out on Hollywood Blvd. that night we had 2for1 margaritas at some mexican dive ax the street from the hotel, and were in bed by 8:15 (me sleeping, andy playing his bass). the next day would have been so lovely, cuz we went to santa monica to lay on the beach (i just had to swim in the pacific). however, i got the directions off mapquest, and they sent us into compton. where andy tried to get me to go into a gas station for directions). 2 hours later, we were indeed relaxing by the waves and having a grand old time. got back to the hotel in time to get a trendy yet $40 haircut in the hotel's barber shop and get ready for the wedding. despite being stuck in dead-stopped traffic, we got there in time...
ah, the magic of this wedding. as i might have mentioned earlier, it was held outdoors on the rooftop. the officiator was a jolly ol' fellow, and the groom cried. the bride looked like a model, and her sister and mother looked amazing as well. the cocktail hour was nice with unique and yumskin food, but the fun was really cranked up when the father of the bride talked us into doing tequila shots with him! the bride and groom had a ben fold's song as their wedding song, which added to the sheer perfection of the evening. i never wanted it to end. the downsides are that i did the electric slide (quite badly i must add) and don't even remember the drive home.
the next day was pretty much spent at guitar center and another mexican restraunt, followed by 12 fucking hours of traveling. we were in the airport at 2:30 (oh, sidenote! andy thought it would be a good idea to lock his guitar case regardless of my warnings. and he was called back to security over the loudspeaker which was just so embarassing. and then he almost got locked out of the airport cuz he forgot his boarding pass. it was so disasterous. always listen to me!) and didn't get home until 3:30.
i haven't really slept since. i think i might die soon. so much is going on, all of it wonderful and exciting...i start my internship tomorrow morning, have my final final (thank the lord) and hopefully will one day be able to see my daughter again...

here i am, rock you like a hurricane.

i'm here. and i've got so much to say re: california and echo station's asskicking show last night, but right now i'm going to eat carvel and get fat while watching supergroup on tivo.