whatever gets you through the night

i've been up since 5:30 am. like, literally up. sitting at this computer. i don't even know how long i tossed in bed, trying to force myself back to sleep. it is def. this wedding, it is all i can think about! yesterday, rebecca and mark invited me (the control freak) to check out wedding reception sites with them. i was very honored, and it was a really cool thing to be a part of. when i got married a thousand years ago, it was very different. andy and i were the first ones in our families to get married, and we were still in college. i am pretty sure i was 20 and andy was 19 when we got engaged (either that, or we were 21 and 20) and we were still a year from graduating...we were engaged forever. anyway, we were young, dumb, and POOR kids, and we really had no control over a damn thing that happened with our wedding. not that we really cared. we just wanted to be together, which is the way a wedding that is going to work is supposed to be. plus, we're rock stars, so we could give two shits about flower arrangements and other ettiquitey details of weddings. but it would have been nice to feel special about our day. like, celebrated. yes, i would have loved to have been celebrated as a couple for the 2 or 3 years we were engaged, instead of feeling scared because we didn't know how people would react (we're too young, we're still in school, we have no money, why don't you wait until you're established?etc.) i am so happy for my little sister, because she is truly one of the greatest people in the world. she always makes people happy, she just has that knack about her. her boyfriend/fiance is one of my favorite people on earth, and they are the most wonderful, in-love, (anal retentive) couple i've ever seen :) and they're getting the fanfare that they deserve. they've had champagne toasts up the wazoo, an entire 4th of july spent toasting their happiness. my dad even made a toast, which he never would do for my wedding (my mother said he isn't phony so he doesn't need to show of his love in front of people). i told rebecca from the start not to let anyone dampen her day. while my wedding day was a celebratory masterpiece, the years, days, hours, minutes leading up to it were painful. from quotes such as "your ring is too small" and "oh how cute your ring is" to comments about the bridesmaids dresses, the way i was wearing my hair, "i hope people aren't planning on making toasts at your engagment party" on and on and on. my family doesn't have a lot of money, so the fact that my parents paid so much for my wedding makes me very greatful, but it wasn't easy finding a place, because of the money issue. it wasn't like we could just go to an insanely gorgeous seaside wedding haven and sign on the dotted line...oh wait, if we had the experience we have now, we sure could have...i'll never regret my wedding. everything was perfect, and andy and i had the time of our lives (and we are still happy as larks, cuddling on one dented side of our extremely large king sized bed) but i really wish we had had more fun in the process.
a lot of my friends have gotten married since andy and i tied the knot. and every one of their wedding days were fairytalemagical. especially jen's...i was a big part of her day(as she was a vital part of mine)so i got to witness first hand how a fairytale bride gets to be...getting ready all day with her "ladies in waiting," all her best friends from childhood through adulthood...the transformation of the tired girls into beauties, the insanity of watching the blushing bride become a queen... the pictures with the family, and just the fun and enchantment that goes into a wedding.
i wish that kind of fun and happiness on my sister. i have been trying to buffer her from any negativity (not that there is a lot, but yes, there is some...mostly bout the guest list, the money, the wedding party...bla bla bla)my advice to her (which she has taken) was to just do what you want (or what she and mark want) and do it. no one has a say. and they have...yesterday they booked the most enchanted reception site i've EVER seen...
beckwith pointe, right on the water...
beautiful bridal suite, with a balcony overlooking the ocean.
insane cocktail hour, which includes a martini bar (think martini's with names like "madonna" "absolutly screwed up" "caramel apple" "always a bridesmaid" "she's paying..." on and on) and a scrumptious assortment of tasty food.
a reception room that is in itself enchanted...twinking lights in the ceiling, wall to wall view of the ocean, tented outdoor area...the place is PERFECT.
it's killing me to wait until october 5, 2007. so here i am , not able to sleep. and it's that far away...