i can't believe that ten years have really gone by...

"Let me give you some insight into my insides
I haven't been this confused in such a long time
you can't believe I've spent just losing my mind
I can't believe that 10 years have really gone by
it's been a long time
Had a plan for every year I've been alive
a million more I've built up inside of me
there's a million more that I have bottled up
and that I've fucked up
do you feel like the hard times are mountains you've climbed lying awake
it still feels like it's '(96) it's been along time
those mindless days the plans that I've made
the countless mistakes all the times I've changed
through the years I faced all that's kept me sane
every single day."

i just realized that i have been at the college of new rochelle for 10 fucking years this september. 10 years ago i started my college career, as a bright eyed freshman. my whole future was ahead of me. because i'm still @ cnr (as a grad student, it didn't really take me 10 years to graduate)it is so fucking weird. i remember exactly how it felt to be there, starting anew, at 18 years old. certain sights, smells, sounds, transport me right back to 1996.

this year is feeling a lot like that year. i am embarking on a new quest/journey, being student teaching/aba therapy, so i have that same nervous butterfly feeling of hope in my stomach, like i did starting out in my cultural legacies class. i was an honor student (for that whole freshman year, before i really started to hate college and therefore not really go as i was supposed to), i was really trying hard to make friends, even tho i was a commuter who was basically used for her car. i drove to white plains the other day, and yep, i was there again, with katie and diane, trying to manuver my way through the pesky one way trappings on the way to the galleria. once, i ended up in the bronx. ah, the joys of being the only one with a car.

so in all, it is totally freaking me out. because while there are talks of 10 year high school reunions going on (which should have happened by june the latest as far as i'm concerned) i really don't believe i belong ANYWHERE for a ten year reunion. i was only at pchs for one year, so i could give a shit to see anyone. the people i hang out with graduated before me anyway, and those who i did graduate with who i want to see, i do see. or at least keep in touch with. you know, on myspace. but seriously. its only been 10 years. i haven't even finished college. (hehehe, you know what i mean) i mean, a lot has changed in my life (i.e. i am married, have a 2 year old, etc) but who doesn't know that? let's wait til its 20 years, then see where we all are. that is much more interesting.

and i read something on myspace about john jay having a reunion. but alas, i was only there for 3 years. and while i should feel i belong there, i really fucking don't.

if the college of new rochelle had a 10 year reunion, maybe i'd feel like i belonged enough to that school and that community to go to it, but i'm just not feeling the high school bull shit.

strangely enough, in pchs, i hung out w/a group of girls. we called ourselves the 7 sisters (there were, in fact, seven of us). out of the 7, three will have gotten married within months of each other this very summer. isn't it so odd how things go down? i know i was at one of these weddings (love you amanda!) and i know that there will be 3 of them at the upcoming wedding. the one that just transpired, i don't think anyone was there from pc. but it just got me to thinking how at the time, high school is so important, and your friends are everything. but then life goes on...and things change so rapidly and so abruptly. its weird.

i'm getting so fucking old.