Rock of Chlamydia

(i had to google how to spell "Chlamydia"...i am just imagining andy seeing that in my internet history and being very, very concerned...)

so we were watching rock of love with old 46 year-old bret michaels tonight, and it got me thinking.

yes, watching a bullshit, godawful, melodramatic vh1 celebreality show had me seriously thinking about who i truly am inside and what my life's philosophy is...

this tends to happen with flavor or love too.

hear me out.

you watch these lame-ass girls who, mind you, are on national television. you watch how they interact, backstab, fight, lie, throw drinks at one another (if only this was something that only happened on tv...)and you, in your mind, pick favorites. don't lie, you know you do. whatever reality show you watch, and unless you are my cousin stephen i bet you watch SOME reality show, you decide who you like and who you hate. the shows we watch tend to be centered around an ex-musical legend and therefore there tends to be a lot of screaching girl-drama. especially on flavor of love.
oh, and on rock of love.

girls fake looking for love=a lot of screaming and insanity.

what am i saying???

oh yes. you watch the girls talk about each other and become fake friends to gain valuable gossip to sneak into the rocker's suite to rat them out and personally it makes me nervous...i have trust issues as it is, so imagining myself watching these shows back and hearing awful things that people said about me makes me feel actually sick in my stomach. and it makes you wonder if you are a good reality show star, or an evil reality show star.

just me?

so i was watching RoL tonite and there was a now-expected-las vegas meltdown (which was actually quite tame compared to the flavor of love girls but that's besides the point) because duck-faced daisy and her whiny-ass voice still lives in a one bedroom apartment with her supposedly ex boyfriend who looks like tommy lee and is named charles. and destiny, who may or may not be a groupie, thought they were friends and when she found out that daisy didn't think she was prettier then her, she freaked out and started screaming and throwing a tantrum on the pool table and there were a couple of drinks thrown but despite the rewinding of dVr about 7 times we're not really sure who threw what when but...uh. then bret got angry and his body guard actually said "why are you disrespecting bret like this?" which was just so silly to me...and there were 2 other girls sitting there, nice and quiet, taking the highroad, not being psychotic on television, not being bitchy backstabbers...seriously taking it all in and making bret notice that they can chill and be good people (this is a stupid show, i realize).

and it gets me thinking. if I was on a reality show like this, would i be the psycho screaming and tearing out her hair? or would i sit there calmly and say to the duck, "did you just say your uncle is oscar de la hoya? WHY?" but i have the feeling that i might be screaming at the top of my lungs and making a total fool out of myself. because i tend to do that. thank god i'm not on tv.

i like it when the world fades away.

i am in total loser mode right now. too much is going on, too much is swimming thru my head, making me anxious and feeling both drained and insane. therefore, i get migraines. henceforth, i cannot go to work. and then, i feel like shit.

the vicious cycle.

i did accomplish one thing today: the establishment of LaBella Bambini! thank god. it is not really all good in that department yet(don't ask), but at least i'm making headway. i spend a good part of my day driving around white plains and paying parking meters on offical court house type places only to walk in to find i was in the unemployment or welfare house. it was always awkward. then when i did find the right place (where i was to declare my business to the state of NY) there was a scary man who was muttering "boobies. small boobies. boobies. small boobies." over and over. what the EFFFFFFFFFF?

if you don't get "what the EFFFFFF?" as a refrence, you should absolutley watch this here youtube clip:

stress

hahaha

it got worse.

not to sound like a big fat baby but

i seriously don't think my day could get any fucking worse. today alone. one thing after another. one BAD thing after another. since 8am.

do you remember...

that game "don't spill the beans" from when you were a kid? where you stack up beans into a red pot of some sort but if you put too much KERPLUNK! well, that's how i feel...i feel like if one more thing gets added to my brain, one more stressful, awful, evil thing, my brain is going to just explode...yet it seems like daily there is another bean added...i'm wondering what it is going to take to make me freak. do you know that my last paycheck was in december? do you know what it's been like struggling to pay our bills like were were poor, jobless souls all the while working your ass off and having bruises and scratches all over your body to prove it not to mention coming home at 9pm utterly exhausted, both physically and emotionally? it's really really bad. do you have any idea how STRESSFUL buying a house is? ( i know some of you do, and kudos because it's the most stress i've ever dealt with...)

but it's spring! that's awesome...and i have 5 hours of intense, challenging work ahead of me, what where kids that are as big as me might beat the living crap out of me, but then i'm offffffffffffffffffff for 5 days in a rooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwww!!!!

Rockband...

is seriously the most fun game EVER. if i owned it, i wouldn't leave my house. i wouldn't read. i wouldn't cook. i wouldn't clean. (hahaha, i don't clean ANYWAY!) seriously, as soon as i get paid, this is what i'm getting. i totally get why if you were in a band you'd be like, this is laaaaaaaaame. but since i can't sing and i aspire to be a rockstar anyway, this game is the BEE'S KNEES!!!