Echo Station rocked it tonight

Oy

So I haven't written because I have been knocking out 2 classes a day which makes me AWESOME but with little free time to do anything other than study, take tests, and get Juliet out of the house for a bit. Hopefully soon I will have a minute to chat.

Just a side note. I started following a bunch of the girls from Rock of Love and ROL Bus. Now my Twitter requests have jumped by a billion. I'm having performance anxiety.

Echo station show tonite!

Ok. Here we go. The brain. Take 2.

Guess who had her first severe anxiety attack since becoming pregnant one year ago?

So today started off magnificently enough with taking Jules to see Harry Potter not only in 3D but in IMAX 3D. She didn't make a peep, tho I sobbed throughout the entire thing even more than the first time I saw it.
We got some shit lunch, picked Up the Scoo and came home. Without a peep, young scooter bottom fell right to sleep. Into the living room we go to get some work done. Juliet starts reading her book without me even asking.
All is well.
Until I start reading today's lesson. On the brain.
On one of the very first slides I see (this dumb iPad wont let me upload the pic so I'll post later)and I quote "The human brain can be cut with a butter knife."
Hahah. All nice an innocent. Perfectly harmless- even humorous. I snap the above-mentioned pic and send it to Andy.
And I keep reading.
About lobes and stems and other such brain related words.
And the room is getting hotter (and was already a hefty 400 degrees or so) and hotter and I'm getting blinky and I basically run down the street to the pool. Whew, I say, clapping myself on the back, way to talk your way out of that anxiety attack.
I come home and entertain Jules with a magical science experiment. Scoo awakens, I start feeding her in my cool a/c blessed room and BAM! Bitch goes down. I start seeing green, I'm blinking and not seeing the room as I should. I calmly tell Jules to run and get me water, chocolate (as if it was a dementor attack) and lo and behold I hadn't turned my monitor off and my mother was downstairs listening to all the foolishness and sends up chocolate.
I still feel weak and shaky. And while I know my trigger was none other than that mushy fucking brain, there is much more afoot going on w me. It sucks. And I'm gonna have to deal w this. Sooner rather than later. So overwhelmed. And letting myself get more and more buried under cleaning

I'm in

!!!!!!!

Inspiration strikes

So lately, because of my youngest sissy, I have been on Twitter. She was on- despite being techno-shy (no Facebook)- to follow the unfortunately concluded trial of that whore Casey Anthony. Emboldened by her, I retweeted and started following some cool blogs and such. I spoke of the most vital, The Bloggess, on my first new post on this here site. Another one was Hello Giggles. Which I can't decide if I love or not. Because they tend to have a lot of guest bloggers. Some of whom are shit. But one of whom, last night, intrigued me with a name. Writing In Bed. Her post was about the Kardashians, And while I do NOT keep up w those bitches, I did get her point. It had to do with sisterhood (one of the deepest roots of my soul) and body image. So from her post I go to her blog (writinginbed.tumblr.com) and then discover a sub-page called...Freelance Writing.

!

And while that's good and great and had some advice and tips, what really caught my fancy was this:

A few days ago I uploaded one of my short stories onto Amazon to be sold as a Kindle book.

It was a lot easier than I thought it would be and the only thing I lacked was a cool image for the cover.

But hey, it’s up and it’s sold a few copies already. :)

So I was thinking that you should do the same. If you want to get something self-published, I would say try offering your writing as a Kindle download.

Tons of people own Kindles. Also, I have the Kindle app on my cell phone and downloaded my own story there to see how easy it could be done and yep, it’s pretty dang easy.

Whatever device you have, you can download some Kindle app or software so that you can buy Kindle books. You don’t have to own the device itself to buy these very cool books.

So if you’ve been thinking about getting your writing where you can easily manage the distribution, I would recommend providing people with a link where they can buy your stuff on amazon or even some other self-publishing site like LULU.com.

Hey, jealousy.

One of my most quoted quotes is from a song from Rent! And goes "Forget regrets, or life is yours to miss." I spout this logic to Andy often, especially in affairs of the wallet (he often laments about wishing he could go back and NOT get into debt)(which is something to regret for sure!) I truly feel that whatever happens is life was SUPPOSED to happen. We don't make mistakes. We go through bad times, difficult times, total shit times, but these times shape us into who we are supposed to be. This is so trite, but in my heart of hearts (when I'm in a good place)I firmly believe this.
I do.
I really do.
So why do I have a regret?!
Way back in this blog I spoke about having lunch w my baby cousin who was going off to college and aspiring to be a writer. Fast forward 3 years, and said cousin is getting her foot in the door and is well on her way to becoming a successful journalist.

And since this my blog I'm going to honest. I am so fucking jealous of her that sometimes it hurts me.

So recently, I decided I needed to evaluate this situation. Forget regrets and all.

I love my cousin. I'm proud of her. We are very close and getting closer as we speak. Well, as you read. And I write. Anyway. Sure, I am resentful that she has the means and balls to do cool internships instead of menial shit jobs like i had to do in college, but that's more my family resentment deal (omg all these regrets popping up all over the joint).

I love my life. I'm proud of it. I love being married and having 2 awesome girls who kick such total ass. Recently at a dinner, I vocalized this love to a girl who was overcompensating for being 40 and single by saying kids and a husband would tie her down. Her words were "I love my freedom too much." I said "I don't feel that I've given up my freedom. I still do what I want." And I do.

I love my job. I am proud of it. I am in love with my kids and I enjoy going to work. I feel like I'm accomplished. I know I'm a great teacher. I know my shit. I am close to having 2 masters in education. That's impressive.

Yet every time I heAr that she's sold another article, I cringe. Because...because writing is MY dream. And I sat on it. I took the easy way out. I let my anxiety take over and gave it up. And guess what?

I regret that!!! I regret the shit out of that.

My dad recently said that he blames himself that I didn't become a writer. I think that's funny since it's so obviously me. My fear of rejection. My taking the easy way out. (yes School is the easy way out. You pay, you attend classes, you read, you write papers. Being a writer takes work- pitching ideas, being rejected, hearing nasty opinions about your work) so I have decided that I am taking control of this regret. This blog will help me.

The first step was admitting I have a problem. I am jealous. I regret that I'm not a writer. I admit that I desperately want to be a successful writer. A wildly, amazingly successful writer.

The second step was reopening this blog.

The third is setting goals. My first goal is blog related. I will start writing more frequently. I will write with specific expectations. What are these so called expectations? I don't know yet. But stay tuned. They are sure to be entertaining.