I'm ready for my close up. Ha!
One of my summer goals (along with redoing the playroom and cleaning out the garage to create a workspace for myself- out of which 1/3 has been done with a paltry, pathetic 3 weeks left) was to get back into my creative self. I used to be an artist, a writer, a photographer, an actress and a poet. Being creative "lit me up" as Arty from Creative Galaxy says (Arty may have been a lame but true inspiration for me, not gonna lie)(Amazon Prime exclusive show to promote art, kind of like an OITNB for kids. On Amazon. But about a weird green alien named Arty who fixes all of life's problems by going to other planets and learning different types of art. Such as pointillism).
I love my job, and to be honest, there is quite a lot of opportunity to be creative. Everyday, I felt like I was on stage, making mundane subjects seem exciting, thrilling even. This past couple of years, being in a more administrative position, my creativity dwindled into...well nothing. A shrunken, wizened piece of my soul, aching to be fed. Alas, I've had a block. Like writer's block, but far bigger. I don't know if this makes sense, but I was scared of failure, I was unsure where to start. Maybe that part of me hadn't just shriveled due to neglect, but totally died altogether? Because we all know that old people let their dreams die and become miserable shells of the person they once were. Was that me? I mean, let's face it, I am pretty old.
When the school year ended, I went into veg mode. I had sworn I would work on center games, lesson plans, writing, reading, drawing, painting! I didn't. Well, I read. But not even as much as I'd like to have. But that is a whole other post. (Trust me) I cleaned. I organized pantries and broke lazy susans while trying to organize them (true story). But no creative juices. None!
Keeping true to myself (which I am so grateful that I did), I revisited Lady Jaded. I had been writing my ramblings here since 2006. I had almost deleted it so many times, but luckily I did not. I read through some past posts. I laughed. I cried. I cringed. I decided it was worth it to try again. So I did. And here we are.
Writing: getting myself back onto this here blog and actually writing! Check!
Art. It is so strange, out of body even, to say I used to be an artist. Like a painting, drawing artist. I was. I had some paintings on display at The Common Sense Cafe (remember TCSC??? Awwwwww!), and when Andy and I got together, 5/8 of my entire curriculum consisted of art classes (math may be off, but I had AP English, and Law or Economics, and the rest of the day was spent with Ms. Des). I wasn't fantastic, but fuck that. I loved it. I found a couple of my paintings downstairs, and have them up in what will someday soon I hope become my workspace. I have a sculpture I made when J was born in her room. Then yesterday, in my cleaning expedition, I discovered a watercolor I had painted. Very simple, but really powerful (It had to do with motherhood; J is more of an inspiration than Arty, I assure you). So after washing the few Jean Butt pocketbooks that I had saved (another artistic endeavor) and feeling kind of like that little dead piece of me was opening its eyes, I went upstairs and set S up with some arty crafty little stuff. And it just came over me. Using pieces of teal blue ribbon, I attempted to create a perspectivey view of the ocean. Using pieces of the fabric of my couch, ripped paper left over from my scrapbooking days, and a strange mixture of parsley, salt and black pepper, I made "sand". It has texture, it has (some sort of) perspective. It is a work in progress, but I really like how it came out.
Releasing my creativity through some sort of art: Check!
Poetry: I have a beautiful red leather journal. I wrote a couple of quickies about my girls, but not really what I used to do. Goal: incomplete. Next Steps: Keep that beauty of a journal out with a fabulous pen to remind and inspire me.
Photography: since we all have cellular telephones now, equipped with 8-megapixel, five-element lens with 2.4 aperture, dynamic ‘low-light’ mode, which “evaluates nearby pixels to give photographers up to two f-stops great performance in low light”, as well as 40% faster photo capture, with great low-light performance (Nerd Talk thanks to iphonehacks.com)
as well as Instagram and all these Instagram-like apps, everyone is a photog. In addition, my good friend has become a relatively famous family photographer. (I know you've all heard of Dani Cavazzi. She's ridiculous. Check out her page by clicking on her name, and you'll see lotsa pix of my beautiful little chickens). I haven't used our good camera in over a year.Goal: amateur photographer using precog frames and filters with my iPhone. Next Steps: maybe charge my camera for one? Start using my phone to take inspirational photos as opposed to selfies. Interview DC and get the inside scoop to her art and inspiration.
Acting...well, I think I would have totally gotten back onto the stage if Andy had told me that spouses could be part of Godspell. Or if we still lived in PC. I don't know what outlets there are up here, and I don't know what sort of time I have. Goal: dead. Next steps: not sure now...focus on the above instead?
So in all, I'm trying. And trying is Half the Battle, right GI Joe? No? Well, whatever. It works for me.
