I shared this with Beck as we drove, hazards on, through the make shift funeral procession that lost half the cars as we tried to squeeze through intersections. She agrees with some and disagrees with some.
So without further ado, how I would like my final days in that box to go:
1) My Wake:
I used to be dead set against Wake's, but after being honored to attend my cousin Tommy's wake, to see how loved and honored he was, I feel like a wake is a good way for closure. Hopefully I won't be mangled (yikes!) so we can have an open casket. Speaking of my casket. I want it engraved with (or adorned with if engraving is expensive which I can only assume that it will be) Mary Mother of God. It would be comforting to go with the Patron Saint of Women and Mothers (Mary is my girl).
I would like my Miraculous Medals all over me. Mary brings me comfort.
I would also have to insist that there be wine and beer served. A champagne toast done at the end of the viewing, perhaps a "Viva la vie Jess!"would be a nice way to end that awkward night. But it wouldn't be awkward, because you will all be milling around, looking at my photos, smiling at our memories. And making fun of how the undertaker totally effed up my hair and somehow made me look like the Queen of England ("Oh, my goodness, isn't it ironic that she looks JUST as she did on her wedding day?") And we need frat boys and girls keeping the wine and beer flowing...loosen up and celebrate my life. Don't get too wild; that's for tomorrow.
2. The Final Viewing
This part fills me with such anxiety, because yea, its the "final viewing", but then you will be forced to stare at my closed coffin for hours and hours on end. So whoever feels like they love me enough to come to the funeral home before church will be getting laminated pictures of me, like the prayer cards you get just for showing up, only super special personalized with a cute picture of me on the front and a reminder for you to "Remember me like this!" not like The Queen.
3. Going to Church
There will be limos. So in that case, fuck Kraft with their too small limos and hi falutin ways. I want my entire immediate family in a limo- so perhaps we must go with a party van. Do some hip hop spirit dancing while you drive, checking in on the cute picture of me every so often. "She had something to this plan..." you start to realize.
4. Church
Here is where things get hairy. (Oh, no its not...just keep reading) I want to go to church and have a Catholic funeral. Again, comfort, closure, God, my girl Mary. However, there will be a priest who KNOWS me saying Mass, not some fool that will tell everyone that I was a successful baker at PS 68 (throw back to Grandpa's hot mess of a funeral). Readings done by people I adore. The people who roll in the casket (I want to say ring bearers, but I'm quite aware that this is very incorrect) will be boys AND girls because fuck all that noise. Like, my adorable granddaughter can certainly walk next to my handsome nephew while wheeling me in. *If they drop me, please, please, please tell me you have that on film!*
While I'm aware that this will be a matter of great debate, I don't want a full Mass. IE no communion. Or, if it is with communion, that priest best be super quick with the rest of the mass. No one cares about your interpretation of death or the gospel. Make some beautiful quotes to comfort my fam, and move on to the eulogies.
5. Eulogies:
Make them cry motherfuckers. This is the only time you are to be sad. Make it worth it.
6. The Funeral Procession:
"I tried to dance at a funeral, New Orleans style...I joined the Grave Dancers Union, I had to file..."
Soul Asylum
I want y'all to dance and march and clap and sing your way to the graveyard. My casket will be in the back of a black horse drawn carriage. Get me some real Haitian jazz musicians and make it authentic (Cajun also wanted, fiddlin' would be cool too)(If you need more to go on, watch American Horror Story: Coven, I believe it is season 10.) Dance baby!
7. At the Grave
I don't know much about this part. It gets emotional here as well, so please look around the cemetery for the grave diggers lurking in the background, just waiting for you guys to get over it and move along so they can DIG MY GRAVE!!! Yell at these people. Perhaps throw eggs and/or water balloons.
8. And now, the family would like to invite you back to (Close family member with a nice big party house) to celebrate the life of Jess. You need to bring 2 things...a shitload of funny, heartwarming, charming stories to tell, and a bottle or 2 of liquor. Be prepared to let loooooose, get drunk, talk openly, freely, cry, laugh, hug, FEEL. (More images: True Blood Final Season when they party for Alcid at Sookie's house.)(Vampires very very welcome) So many after funeral parties feel so forced, it's "what we are supposed to do" and you go, feeling guilty that you're getting a free meal off of a family who is so deep in mourning that they don't quite realize that they are paying more for this than a wedding. And no one really talks about the deceased anymore. There is no closure. Putting a body in a ground is NOT closure. Letting out your emotions in a safe, fun environment just might be.
GOAL OF JESSICA'S DEATH:
What I've concluded after a year of way too many deaths is that we, the people left behind, are the ones who need help, we're the ones who need the support, the strength, the prayers. Instead of mourning, why don't we celebrate what we had. You will miss me (your loved ones) and you will never get over that. Don't. Keep my "Final Viewing" picture in your mirror, and smile at me everyday. Nothing will change the memories we had.
I would also have to insist that there be wine and beer served. A champagne toast done at the end of the viewing, perhaps a "Viva la vie Jess!"would be a nice way to end that awkward night. But it wouldn't be awkward, because you will all be milling around, looking at my photos, smiling at our memories. And making fun of how the undertaker totally effed up my hair and somehow made me look like the Queen of England ("Oh, my goodness, isn't it ironic that she looks JUST as she did on her wedding day?") And we need frat boys and girls keeping the wine and beer flowing...loosen up and celebrate my life. Don't get too wild; that's for tomorrow.
2. The Final Viewing
This part fills me with such anxiety, because yea, its the "final viewing", but then you will be forced to stare at my closed coffin for hours and hours on end. So whoever feels like they love me enough to come to the funeral home before church will be getting laminated pictures of me, like the prayer cards you get just for showing up, only super special personalized with a cute picture of me on the front and a reminder for you to "Remember me like this!" not like The Queen.
3. Going to Church
There will be limos. So in that case, fuck Kraft with their too small limos and hi falutin ways. I want my entire immediate family in a limo- so perhaps we must go with a party van. Do some hip hop spirit dancing while you drive, checking in on the cute picture of me every so often. "She had something to this plan..." you start to realize.
4. Church
Here is where things get hairy. (Oh, no its not...just keep reading) I want to go to church and have a Catholic funeral. Again, comfort, closure, God, my girl Mary. However, there will be a priest who KNOWS me saying Mass, not some fool that will tell everyone that I was a successful baker at PS 68 (throw back to Grandpa's hot mess of a funeral). Readings done by people I adore. The people who roll in the casket (I want to say ring bearers, but I'm quite aware that this is very incorrect) will be boys AND girls because fuck all that noise. Like, my adorable granddaughter can certainly walk next to my handsome nephew while wheeling me in. *If they drop me, please, please, please tell me you have that on film!*
While I'm aware that this will be a matter of great debate, I don't want a full Mass. IE no communion. Or, if it is with communion, that priest best be super quick with the rest of the mass. No one cares about your interpretation of death or the gospel. Make some beautiful quotes to comfort my fam, and move on to the eulogies.
5. Eulogies:
Make them cry motherfuckers. This is the only time you are to be sad. Make it worth it.
6. The Funeral Procession:
Soul Asylum
I want y'all to dance and march and clap and sing your way to the graveyard. My casket will be in the back of a black horse drawn carriage. Get me some real Haitian jazz musicians and make it authentic (Cajun also wanted, fiddlin' would be cool too)(If you need more to go on, watch American Horror Story: Coven, I believe it is season 10.) Dance baby!
7. At the Grave
I don't know much about this part. It gets emotional here as well, so please look around the cemetery for the grave diggers lurking in the background, just waiting for you guys to get over it and move along so they can DIG MY GRAVE!!! Yell at these people. Perhaps throw eggs and/or water balloons.
8. And now, the family would like to invite you back to (Close family member with a nice big party house) to celebrate the life of Jess. You need to bring 2 things...a shitload of funny, heartwarming, charming stories to tell, and a bottle or 2 of liquor. Be prepared to let loooooose, get drunk, talk openly, freely, cry, laugh, hug, FEEL. (More images: True Blood Final Season when they party for Alcid at Sookie's house.)(Vampires very very welcome) So many after funeral parties feel so forced, it's "what we are supposed to do" and you go, feeling guilty that you're getting a free meal off of a family who is so deep in mourning that they don't quite realize that they are paying more for this than a wedding. And no one really talks about the deceased anymore. There is no closure. Putting a body in a ground is NOT closure. Letting out your emotions in a safe, fun environment just might be.
GOAL OF JESSICA'S DEATH:
What I've concluded after a year of way too many deaths is that we, the people left behind, are the ones who need help, we're the ones who need the support, the strength, the prayers. Instead of mourning, why don't we celebrate what we had. You will miss me (your loved ones) and you will never get over that. Don't. Keep my "Final Viewing" picture in your mirror, and smile at me everyday. Nothing will change the memories we had.
