The Thorn Necklace: An In-Depth and Personal Review

I was recently fortunate enough to read the newest book written by the goddess of prose, Francesca Lia Block. It is titled The Thorn Necklace: Healing Through Writing and the Creative Process. 

"In this long-anticipated guide to the craft of writing, Block offers an intimate glimpse of an artist at work and a detailed guide to help readers channel their own experiences and creative energy. Sharing visceral insights and powerful exercises, she gently guides us down the write-to-heal path, revealing at each turn the intrinsic value of channeling our experiences onto the page."

Named for the painting by Frida Kahlo, who famously transformed her own personal suffering into art, The Thorn Necklace offers lessons on life, love, and the creative process.

Buy Here!

When I started reading the book, I'll admit that I was a bit turned off by the palpability that it was a "how to" book, assuming that it would read like a text book, or worse, as an arrogant instruction manual. As a teacher, I've read through waaaaay too many of those types of texts(ahem, Lucy Calkins), and and this presumption kept the book unread by my chair for a few weeks before I bit the bullet and picked it up. I like my FLB books full of potent imagery, lyrical language, and bursting with magic and glitter. I was disappointed that I wasn't going to be getting this.

The Foreword (Four Simple Words, written by Grant Faulkner)was dry and cliche, vaguely positive and uplifting in a "You can do it! You ARE a writer!" FacebookPost kind of way ("The path to holding onto your truth is charted in this book" p.x) and I thought "Yep, this is going to be a book I'm not going to finish." I scanned through the 5 pages, and was finally about to burst into the "actual" book. 

The first line. 

'My father had always supported my creative endeavors, but I never knew how much until, weak with radiation treatments, his frail voice boomed through the earpiece of the dorm room telephone. "You are a writer!"'

Ripe with imagery. Lyrical. My heart fluttered. Was I wrong? 
It continues. 

"I stood clinging to the phone like a lifeline. Black-mascara tears streaked my face and my stomach hurt from the mounds of white rice and tofu I ate each night in the cafeteria and the copious amounts of liquor the dorm RAs had provided to their underage charges the night before."

 Oh, yes, Ms. Block, you have not let me down! 

Through flashback-style storytelling, the reader gets sprinkles of advice on how to strengthen the elements of their writing, while being given an honest glimpse into the life of Ms. Block. It could be described as an autobiography with the added bonus of getting tricks of the trade from a true literary master. 

This guide, this story, this actual gander into the real-life of a woman whom I love madly, was phenomenal. Whenever I have read any of her novels, short stories, or poems, I have always wondered what went on behind the scenes. Was FLB really free-spirited, pink loving Weetzie? Was she Witch Baby, with the curly toes and knotted hair? Was she Marina from Wastelands, having dealt with a loved one's suicide? Did she feel overshadowed by her mother and ignored by her father like Echo? 

My secret author-crush book questions...were answered. 

I reveled in the memoir, not only because it felt like she was telling me her innermost secrets, but also because it was written in Ms. Block's trademark stream-of-consciousness writing style, with lilting prose and emotion-provoking imagery. As I had always imagined, there are pieces of her life that are intertwined with many of her novels and short stories. Weetzie Bat is her "alter-ego." Yes, she did feel overshadowed by her beautiful, idolized mother, and lacked attention from her artist father, like Marina. Her much loved and adored father has given Charlie Bat pieces of his aura. Her feelings about herself, and her beauty, and her body, bleed into all of her characters.  

As far as the "teaching" piece, her guidance for writers flowed seamlessly throughout the book. She broke the vital elements of writing into 12 Questions, and in each chapter (named after her own stories), she spotlights one of these elements, incorporating examples from classics like To Kill a Mockingbird and The Great Gatsby, along with books from her own catalogue. She targets aspects of writing such as character gifts and flaws, wants and needs, the arc of the story, the antagonist, the setting, your style of writing, theme, crisis, climax, and resolution, ending with overall Scene. In addition, each chapter encourages would-be-authors to find support within their lives to gain the strength from within to pursue their dreams. The chapter Echo urges writers to Find a Mentor, and Dangerous Angels, a Muse. Blood Roses describes how to Channel Pain into Art, Quakeland insists that you Banish the Critic, and The Frenzy teaches how to put Chaos into Order. Roses and Bones, Guarding the Moon, and Beyond the Pale Motel delve into Developing Your Style, Persevering, and Facing Your Fears. Rough Magick focuses on Love, and The Thorn Necklace advises you to put your Words into Action.

The book ends with 5 pages of Exercises for all aspiring writers to use as a stepping stone to their own creative outputs. One guides the writer to "Write your main character's childhood wound scene, the moment when your character was hurt in some deep way. (pg.267)" The book concludes with the Afterword, The Magic is Within.  

I must say that I, as a writer, have hit not a block, but a BOULDER, and haven't been able to write in many a moon. This book seems to have wedged that boulder a bit, and I have been able to start my creative juices flowing once more. As my writing tends to flow organically, I concede that I am still wary about using the 12 Questions, but the concept of "Channeling Pain into Art" is enticing. The significance of finding support within myself, however, is remarkable, and my primary objective. I can't wait to see what comes next!

Born Evil Pt. 2: Why it's OUR Fault

Ok, so things have gotten even more heartbreaking! I just did a YouTube search (all I needed to do was put "little girl destroys classroom head start), and got the video for you to (enjoy). 

       Warning: Trigger Alert (aka may make your blood boil...)

                      


The opening title states: 

"Allegedly, this child was tired of being the last one to be picked up from school at the end of the day. She throws a tantrum unlike any other." 

Ouch. There we go, the function of the behavior was NOT escape...could have been attention seeking (you'll notice how she keeps looking at the teacher with each toss of a bookshelf), but think of the anxiety and fear she must be feeling! Her teacher says, "Ms. D is almost here," leaving viewers to conclude that she has a babysitter picking her up. My own experiences, along with what we know about Head Start, leads to the speculation (on my part), that mom is working a lot, which strengthens the argument that the child  may be feeling the strains of an unsavory financial world.

I will also add that the teacher is using a calm, kind voice, yet,

yet!

is literally sitting there videotaping the whole thing instead of intervening, and towards the end, you can hear her begin to get (understandably) more agitated. 

Now listen, we are all human. We are all flawed; as the proverb states: "To err is human." I have the advantage of being an "out of classroom" teacher with a very unique position as Special Education Liaison, so it is a lot easier for me to sit back and calmly and detachedly conduct Functions of Behavior Analyses. Who am I to judge? (I'm not judging, please believe me. Well, except for the inhumane commenters talking about how evil the child is and how she should be beaten. I'm judging the hell out of you fuckers!)

For me, being a parent is a LOT harder to keep myself sane enough to step back and scrutinize "Why has my daughter thrown herself on the floor of Stop & Stop and begun screeching like a banshee?" The science behind behavior and behavioral intervention is key, and works, and will result in miraculous changes in your child's ability to demonstrate self-control and be in a happier, safer place, BUT IT IS HARD WORK. 

Case in point- my eldest daughter, Juliet. Who most of this blog has been about throughout the years. She was diagnosed with ADHD at age 5, and High Functioning Autism at 11. Even now at age 14- maybe more so because *hormones*- I often find myself losing my shit whenever she whines or complains or acts out in any challenging way. Sometimes I can ignore it, but depending on my Antecedent (am I anxious, running late, hungry?), it's lots of screaming and seeing red and reinforcing the defiant behavior. Because we know that it's easier to let a kid play on the Sims and be happy and quiet than to get into a war over emptying the dishwasher. Yes, this particular example is all too real, and the sought after escape plan has been all too reinforced by me and Andy. 

So my point is that, one, Children are Not Evil. They're not Bad. They can act bad, they can act aggressive, they can act like disrespectful little shits. But as the adults in the situation, the responsibility absolutely falls on us to figure out how to Help Them. Developmentally, our students and children are lightyears below us (whether we act that way or not!)and need to be taught these social skills. They do not know a better way to get their needs met. Little Head Start Girl is scared, lonely, anxious, angry that her babysitter is late, and where is my mommy anyway? She's never here, she doesn't care about me! Who is teaching her, prompting her, prepping her, the correct way to react? Who is telling her ahead of time "Ms. D might be late, but let's sit and read a book." or "Since you're still here, can you help me clean the tables?" We, as adults, have more self-control, and more introspect, and hopefully will use these gifts for good.

This leads to point two. We are Failing our Kids. Students today enter Kindergarten being expected to know how to read, write absurd personal narratives, do addition and subtraction, and sit still for long, tedious periods of time. They no longer play- they don't know how to interact with each other, they don't have real world practice with body-spatial awareness, and are falling all over themselves and each other. This leads to fighting (no communication skills + no body-spatial awareness= misunderstandings that your classmate is trying to kill you, which of course spills from the recess yard into the classroom). Kindergarteners do not cut or color or glue, so their fine motor skills are basically non-existent. Behavior is challenging, starting at a young age in earlier grades in schools, and guess what? That child really might not act like that at home. At home, where she feels safe; at home, where unrealistic expectations are not placed on her. It is such a teacher cliche that the parent of an unruly student will say "She never does this at home!" and the teacher later vents or fumes or laughs with her colleagues at what nonsense that is. But is it? Does the child feel secure with you? Do they trust you? To me, the most important part of being a teacher and parent is creating a safe, nurturing space for my students and daughters. I want all of my kids to know that no matter what, I'm here for them. Is it always easy? Nah. Is it always worth it? So far, that's a resounding yes!

Born Evil Pt. 1: Kids Gone Wild!!!

Yesterday I was scrolling through Facebook and came across this video of a little girl destroying a classroom. The child's mother posted the video with an asinine comment like, "The little princess is getting a time out tonight lol" or something flippant to that effect. She mentioned that it was in her Head Start classroom and there was an *edit, telling people to stop making rude comments about her parenting style and "don't tell me how to raise my child."

Well.

Of course I had to go dive headfirst into the comments section and boy oh boy was that a mistake.

I really shouldn't have reread these comments. Jesus Christ. 

It was the usual internet-troll-holier-than-thou mothers putting in their two cents- that child needs a beating! That child should get her ass whopped! Kids these days... Parents these days...What a spoiled little brat...Evil...Obviously she gets away with this at home or she wouldn't do it at school... on and on and on until eventually

I snapped.

No.

No no no!

This was a CHILD. A child that was obviously in some sort of turmoil, some sort of pain, to be acting out in this aggressive way.

Let me start at the beginning. As I mentioned, the little girl was in a Head Start program. 

What is Head Start? According to Wikipedia, 

"Head Start is a program of the United States Department of Health and Human Services that provides comprehensive early childhood education, health, nutrition, and parent involvement services to low-income children and their families. The program's services and resources are designed to foster stable family relationships, enhance children's physical and emotional well-being, and establish an environment to develop strong cognitive skills." While eligibility is mainly income-based (you have to have a family income of 100% less than the federal poverty level), other factors are considered, such as such as disabilities and services needed by other family members."

So this means, off the bat, this child is (probably) living AT LEAST 100% under the federal poverty level! The federal poverty level for a family of 2 (say the girl and her mom) is $16, 460. We don't know if she's homeless. We don't know if she's starving. We don't know, but can assume, that she is living under her mother's stress and anxiety of living without proper means. 

(edit: I just came across this post in draft, so while it's not fresh in my mind, I'm going to continue my rant).

Head Start, cont.

"While eligibility is mainly income-based (you have to have a family income of 100% less than the federal poverty level), other factors are considered, such as such as disabilities and services needed by other family members."

 Ok, so let's say that the child isn't living in poverty. The only other way to be included in this program is to have a disability, or have a family member in need of special services. "Services needed by other family members" can allude to many things, but all of that can be attributed to the same effects that poverty may have on this child (anxiety, worry, fear), so let me move onto the idea that she has some sort of disability.

A child with disabilities may exhibit extremely challenging behaviors in the classroom. They may elope (run out of the classroom), act disrespectful or aggressive, tantrum, be noncompliant, self injurious or inflict self-harm...or, destroy the classroom. And guess what? There is always, always!,  a function for the behavior. 

Very Important Footnote: There is motivation behind every behavior that each and everyone of us display- which means, forget her having a disability- she's a tiny human! 

Regardless of whether or not she has a disability, or how severe it is, the fact of the matter is that something is playing a role in her actions. Many times, the function (reason or cause) of destructive or defiant behavior is escape (because they are unable to understand the work, cannot process verbal directions, are ashamed, are overwhelmed, or are bored). The function may also be attention seeking- an alternative (and unfortunate) way of pursuing a teacher or classmates to "Look at me!", stemming from the inability to communicate her needs effectively. The function could also be sensory (the classroom setting is too loud, too busy, too bright). She might have been hungry, or not have gotten enough sleep the night before.

As I don't know this child, and wasn't in the classroom prior to the incident (or ever), all I can do is use my professional experience to continue my assumptions. The teacher(s) need to answer the question "What happened prior to this incident? What caused it?" In other words, what was the Antecedent that occurred prior to this Behavior, and what was the Consequence of her actions? This is known in the SpEd world as an A-B-C analysis. Was she displaying escape Behavior, after the teacher gave her verbal directions that were unclear and confusing? Did she then effectively get to escape the undesired task as a Consequence? Did she destroy the classroom in order to gain the teacher's attention, negative though it was, as a Consequence (teacher yelling, punishment, being put on display on social media to cause shame and embarrassment)? When the child is able to achieve the desired outcome of the behavior (function), such as being able to get out of doing the assigned task, or get attention (any attention), the teacher is reinforcing that behavior. In other words, "I can't understand how to do this, so I'm going to throw the books around, and then my teacher won't make me do it...it's happened before!" Perhaps the teacher busy with other students, so she decided, "If I make a mess, the teacher will have to pay attention to me...that always works!" 

When you look at challenging behaviors as a teacher, or as a parent, it is absolutely essential that you are reflective of yourself and your response, because (not to play the blame game but...)how you react directly correlates with the function of the behavior (in layman's terms, letting them "get their way"). Giving in to escape, or giving attention in the form of yelling or punishment, strengthens the behavior and the likelihood of it reoccurring. As I recall, this was not an isolated incident with the little girl in the classroom, so it is fair to say that the behavior has been unknowingly reinforced. This little girl needs to be taught replacement behaviors- or the correct way to get what she wants- in order for this aggressive behavior to stop. What should she do if she is confused and needs assistance? How can she get positive attention from her teacher an peers? How can she communicate her needs effectively? Punishment for her acts of defiance may seem like the Consequence, but what happens next time she is confused, or feels like no one is paying attention to her? Yup...classroom eradication commence!