Warning: Trigger Alert (aka may make your blood boil...)
The opening title states:
"Allegedly, this child was tired of being the last one to be picked up from school at the end of the day. She throws a tantrum unlike any other."Ouch. There we go, the function of the behavior was NOT escape...could have been attention seeking (you'll notice how she keeps looking at the teacher with each toss of a bookshelf), but think of the anxiety and fear she must be feeling! Her teacher says, "Ms. D is almost here," leaving viewers to conclude that she has a babysitter picking her up. My own experiences, along with what we know about Head Start, leads to the speculation (on my part), that mom is working a lot, which strengthens the argument that the child may be feeling the strains of an unsavory financial world.
I will also add that the teacher is using a calm, kind voice, yet,
yet!
is literally sitting there videotaping the whole thing instead of intervening, and towards the end, you can hear her begin to get (understandably) more agitated.
Now listen, we are all human. We are all flawed; as the proverb states: "To err is human." I have the advantage of being an "out of classroom" teacher with a very unique position as Special Education Liaison, so it is a lot easier for me to sit back and calmly and detachedly conduct Functions of Behavior Analyses. Who am I to judge? (I'm not judging, please believe me. Well, except for the inhumane commenters talking about how evil the child is and how she should be beaten. I'm judging the hell out of you fuckers!)
For me, being a parent is a LOT harder to keep myself sane enough to step back and scrutinize "Why has my daughter thrown herself on the floor of Stop & Stop and begun screeching like a banshee?" The science behind behavior and behavioral intervention is key, and works, and will result in miraculous changes in your child's ability to demonstrate self-control and be in a happier, safer place, BUT IT IS HARD WORK.
Case in point- my eldest daughter, Juliet. Who most of this blog has been about throughout the years. She was diagnosed with ADHD at age 5, and High Functioning Autism at 11. Even now at age 14- maybe more so because *hormones*- I often find myself losing my shit whenever she whines or complains or acts out in any challenging way. Sometimes I can ignore it, but depending on my Antecedent (am I anxious, running late, hungry?), it's lots of screaming and seeing red and reinforcing the defiant behavior. Because we know that it's easier to let a kid play on the Sims and be happy and quiet than to get into a war over emptying the dishwasher. Yes, this particular example is all too real, and the sought after escape plan has been all too reinforced by me and Andy.
So my point is that, one, Children are Not Evil. They're not Bad. They can act bad, they can act aggressive, they can act like disrespectful little shits. But as the adults in the situation, the responsibility absolutely falls on us to figure out how to Help Them. Developmentally, our students and children are lightyears below us (whether we act that way or not!)and need to be taught these social skills. They do not know a better way to get their needs met. Little Head Start Girl is scared, lonely, anxious, angry that her babysitter is late, and where is my mommy anyway? She's never here, she doesn't care about me! Who is teaching her, prompting her, prepping her, the correct way to react? Who is telling her ahead of time "Ms. D might be late, but let's sit and read a book." or "Since you're still here, can you help me clean the tables?" We, as adults, have more self-control, and more introspect, and hopefully will use these gifts for good.
This leads to point two. We are Failing our Kids. Students today enter Kindergarten being expected to know how to read, write absurd personal narratives, do addition and subtraction, and sit still for long, tedious periods of time. They no longer play- they don't know how to interact with each other, they don't have real world practice with body-spatial awareness, and are falling all over themselves and each other. This leads to fighting (no communication skills + no body-spatial awareness= misunderstandings that your classmate is trying to kill you, which of course spills from the recess yard into the classroom). Kindergarteners do not cut or color or glue, so their fine motor skills are basically non-existent. Behavior is challenging, starting at a young age in earlier grades in schools, and guess what? That child really might not act like that at home. At home, where she feels safe; at home, where unrealistic expectations are not placed on her. It is such a teacher cliche that the parent of an unruly student will say "She never does this at home!" and the teacher later vents or fumes or laughs with her colleagues at what nonsense that is. But is it? Does the child feel secure with you? Do they trust you? To me, the most important part of being a teacher and parent is creating a safe, nurturing space for my students and daughters. I want all of my kids to know that no matter what, I'm here for them. Is it always easy? Nah. Is it always worth it? So far, that's a resounding yes!
No comments:
Post a Comment