30 DAYS OF SELF-COMPASSION | Day 13 Activity

This is number five of the nine (9) activities you will access this month :)
This week we are taking steps towards setting boundaries between your work and your life - Because you are a person deserving of boundaries.
Yesterday, you established what your current top 3 life priorities are.
Today we are setting non-negotiables - Activities you must do every week that align with your priorities.
ACTIVITY 5: YOUR NON-NEGOTIABLES

• Rewrite your 3 life priorities from yesterday's reflection. 

1. My Family

2. My Work

3. My Health- not only physical but mental. Mental health is really important but where I struggle the most. A piece of this priority is fostering my creativity.

• Look at priority 1: What is something you need to do daily or weekly to feel fulfilled in priority 1?
• Take 5-10 minutes per day to sit and talk with the girls and old Wilson one to one
• Less tv
• Dinner around the table (Oh, also making dinner at home)
• Talk about our days- high/low
• Weekends should be less lazy- it's so hard because I'm so drained, but it really bothers me that even playing a board game is too much mental energy. We need to spend time doing something together- going out somewhere, playing a game, something, anything. 
• Look at priority 2: What is something you need to do daily or weekly to feel fulfilled in priority 2?
• Keep work at school- literal work. This is hard because I often have IEPs to review, emails to send, etc. Which should lead to:
• Keeping on a schedule at school. Not allowing every little interruption to take up all of my time. Setting specific time frames and STICKING TO THEM.
• This includes ideas for helping kids (visuals, worksheets, etc) and the administrative side of things (IEPs, schedules, meetings)
• Look at priority 3: What is something you need to do daily or weekly to feel fulfilled in priority 3?
• Stick to my diet!
• Keep tracking my food
• Cook dinner at home (or have Andy cook at home)
• Prep meals for school!!!
• Eat dinner around the table 
• Start doing Yoga or walking
• Spend time doing what I find creative and fulfilling at home
• lettering
• drawing
• The hard part: Figure out something to do outside the house that will give my brain piece of mind
• mani/pedi?
• time with sisters?
• massages?
• hair?

Those activities you specify should be considered non-negotiables - because, remember, they help you feel fulfilled in the areas of life most important to you. 

PRACTICE:
Schedule your non-negotiables in your calendar. Treat them as an important appointment that needs to be kept . They take precedence. Because without them, what is work really for?

At this point, I'm going to stop blogging. I'm going to ignore honor but move past the anxiety I have being so behind on this self-care process (isn't it Ironic? Don't you think?)and get out the 6th!!!! planner I've bought this year (have an issue, I'm ok with it) and schedule my priorities RIGHT NOW. 

30 DAYS OF SELF-COMPASSION | Day 12 Reflect

This week we are talking about SETTING BOUNDARIES. A common feeling among teachers is that they are "never doing enough" - Can you relate? I'll tell you one reason why - In teaching, you could technically always be working! And that's rough on the mind.
You know those lucky 9-to-5'ers who get off work and actually don't think about it until the next day? 

Oh boy! This hits the nail on the head...I am constantly putting the work I have to do on the backburner because I think I should be in the classroom (a specific classroom at the time) because it is basically on fire and the teacher is pouring gasoline instead of water. I cannot take a step back, even though this week has given me an inside look at the amount of shit this woman goes through on a daily basis. But it is also making it abundantly clear how behind these students are, and that there is absolutely nothing being done about it. Partly because she isn't trained properly, doesn't know the curriculum, and is far too uptight/sensory sensitive to be successful. Mostly because administration is pushing her to follow the curriculum despite the students having not a CLUE what is happening. 

That aside...the kids are constantly on my mind. All day, all night, but I have to say, I care so much about them and it is vital to me to help them. 

The downside is that I get home dead. Dead to the world. Like ready to pass the fuck out. I don't want to cook or clean. I don't want to watch tv. I don't want to read. And I don't give my girls the attention they deserve. 

A similar vibe is what I want for you in teaching - but we need to set some boundaries to make it happen.
To start off, today I want you to dig deep and think about what your life priorities are. Get to the root - What in your life is most important to you?

REFLECT: WHAT ARE YOUR PRIORITIES?

1. What are your top 3 priorities in life? These priorities should include all areas: work, personal life and wellness. 

So...my work IS part of my top priorities. I love my job, and I truly think I am making a difference. I would like to find a way to have more energy after work.

1. My Family

2. My Work

3. My Health- not only physical but mental. Mental health is really important but where I struggle the most. A piece of this priority is fostering my creativity.

2. Start to consider: Is the current way I spend my time aligned with my priorities?

No. I think right now I spend my energy on Work vs. Family. I push creativity to the absolute back of the line. Health is starting to be more of a priority, so I need to push that up.

My take away from this little exercise is that I need to first determine or set the time spent on all 4. Ideally that would look like:

50% Family

25% Work

25% Health

30 DAYS OF SELF-COMPASSION | Day 11 Recap

Here's a rundown of what we did this week: 
Day 5: Set Affirmations
Day 6: Do you treat your body with love?
Day 7: "Exercise should feel good. Healthy eating should feel good. Self-care should feel good."
Day 8: Hand-on-Heart
Day 9: What are you grateful for?
Day 10: "Anxiety lives in the future. Regret lives in the past. Peace lives in the present. I choose to be present."

This week...well, it was actually weeks ago, but at least I'm here, and catching up. It works, though, because as I was going through these in real time, I was quite disheartened because my body was being super abused by my eating. As in, eating 3 bowls of cereal per night before going to bed. 
I'm proud that right now, I've been taking much better care with my eating habits, and I've lost the holiday weight. Not exercising still, but that is a goal. 

30 DAYS OF SELF-COMPASSION | Day 10 Mantra

We have been talking a lot about staying present in our bodies and minds. This mantra helps us remember why we strive to stay present.

I am literally weeks behind with this challenge. I have been absurdly busy at work, and I am really living in the future. "What is going to happen with these kids? What is going to happen with these teachers who will all be rated ineffective because of unfair observation rubrics?"
I need to Live in the Present. 


Mantra Note: The idea is to have a short and sweet phrase you can repeat to yourself to remind you of a mindset or behavior you would like to adopt. 
 
MANTRA: ANXIETY LIVES IN THE FUTURE. REGRET LIVES IN THE PAST. PEACE LIVES IN THE PRESENT. I CHOOSE TO BE PRESENT.

30 DAYS OF SELF-COMPASSION | Day 9 Reflection

A self-compassionate life is much more easily achieved when you choose to live in the present moment. But with the fast-paced nature of the school year, staying present can definitely be a challenge.
One way to get back into the present moment is to get out of your head and back into your body through a practice like yoga or yesterday's Hand-on-Heart Activity.
Another way is to regularly practice gratitude. We often focus on what we are dissatisfied with, not all the beautiful things we are satisfied with right now in this moment.
REFLECT: WHAT ARE YOU GRATEFUL FOR?
These are questions you can journal, reflect on, or talk through with a partner. 

• What is 1 thing you love about yourself? (This can be physical, skills, personality, etc.)
• I guess one thing that I love about myself is my empathy, and ability to connect with people. I also love my creativity. 
• What is 1 thing you love about your job or your particular class this year? 
• This year, being out of the classroom, I have more time to support teachers. I have the ability to make changes in the school- which I have already done as a Liaison, including creating a protocol to streamline the sped process. 
• Who is 1 person in your life who supports you and loves you unconditionally?
• My father
• What is 1 thing you have now that you only dreamed of having last year?
• Being a liaison first and foremost- basically administrator of the entire school's sped, but without the paycheck 🙍

Close your eyes and really allow yourself to feel gratitude for all you have today, in this moment.

Reflect on these questions as often as feels beneficial for you. The more you can reflect on the things you are grateful for, the more satisfied you will be with your life at this current moment. Because there are so many beautiful things happening right now in this chapter!

30 DAYS OF SELF-COMPASSION | Day 8 Activity

This is number three of nine (9) activities you will be gradually introduced to this month :)
We have started talking about feeling more present in our bodies, and doing more self-care that feels good. Today's activity helps to gently bring you back into the present by calming the mind and getting you back in touch with your body.
Staying present is a great act of self-compassion - why? It's hard for emotions like anxiety, fear, doubt, and regret to live in the present. They all tend to live in the past or future. The more present we can get, the more at peace we will feel in both mind and body..
ACTIVITY 3: HAND-ON-HEART OR SOOTHING TOUCH
One way to pull yourself into the present and comfort yourself is to give yourself a gentle hug or caress. It may sound silly, but your body responds to even the warmth and gentle touch of your hand on your heart. Research indicates that physical touch releases oxytocin, provides a sense of security, soothes distressing emotions, and calms cardiovascular stress - so let's give it a try!
Hand-on-Heart

• When you notice you're under stress, take 2-3 deep, satisfying breaths.
• Gently place your hand over your heart, noticing the warmth and weight of your hand. Experiment with placing both hands over the heart to feel the difference between one and two hands.
• If you wish, you can make small circles with your hand on your chest. 
• Feel the natural rise and fall of your chest as you breathe in and breathe out.
• Linger with the feeling for as long you like, or as long as time allows. 
• You can add a mantra that feels appropriate if you wish such as "I am safe" or "I am loved".

PRACTICE:
Practice stroking the skin of your arms or placing your hand on your heart when hard situations arise or when you sense yourself feeling stressed. Do this multiple times a day for the next few days.
This is a surprisingly simple yet effective way to self-soothe. 

This one I've done in a bit of a different way. For when I'm in an all out tizzy, my best friend who is also my best therapist/social worker, gave me the "inner child" techniques, where I can actually visualize one of my babies (used to be my daughter, now it is one of my nephews) being hurt the way I'm hurting. How would I comfort THEM if they were in my shoes. Would I just agree with the critic? Hells to the no! Physically comforting them (hugging myself, rubbing my arms), visualizing the child, and saying things like "No one will hurt you" and "You're protected" has actually helped soothe me. Haven't done this yet, but now I'll try to be mindful of it. 

Today's going to be another stressful one (I can only assume), so I will update. 

30 DAYS OF SELF-COMPASSION | Day 7 Mantra

Reminder on mantras: The idea is to have a short and sweet phrase you can repeat to remind you of a mindset or behavior you would like to adopt. This is sort of a 3 in 1!
 MANTRA: EXERCISE SHOULD FEEL GOOD; HEALTHY EATING SHOULD FEEL GOOD; SELF-CARE SHOULD FEEL GOOD.
If you dread it or it leaves you feeling exhausted, cranky, or drained...it's not self-care. Self-compassion asks us to find what feels good in our bodies :) 

This is obviously important, as was day 6, but to be totally honest, I'm not there yet. The mantra doesn't fit with me. I'm going to need to do more work with this one. 

30 DAYS OF SELF-COMPASSION | Day 6 Reflect

Our bodies are the root of everything we do. If we don't care for them it makes it harder to do anything, but especially the physically demanding job of teaching.
In the face of New Year's Resolutions, aka the busiest time of year to be hard on your body, it's time to dig deep and -
REFLECT: DO YOU TREAT YOUR BODY WITH LOVE?

1. What attitudes or beliefs do you hold towards your body? What words or phrases come up? Are they positive or negative? Notice without judgement.
2. What do you regularly do to care for your body now (nutrition, exercise, rest, etc.)?
3. If you unconditionally loved your body, would you do anything differently (with your nutrition, exercise, rest, etc.)?

So this one? This one I'm going to have to come back to. My well intentioned "resolutions" were:

• Making and bringing breakfast and lunch to school every day
• Cooking dinner at night
• Less takeout
• Exercise starting with very small steps- walking Leia down to the playground every morning

Let's put it this way- I'm not going to give excuses. But it hasn't happened. At all. And its the 9th of January. 

Again, I'm going to have to come back to this one. 

30 Days of Self Reflection Day 5- Setting Affirmations

ACTIVITY 2: SET AFFIRMATIONS

Affirmations are short phrases you can think, write, and say in response to your inner critic. The goal is to slowly train the mind to think these thoughts instead of the negative ones.

Often affirmations can be the opposite of what your inner critic tells you (Example: When you think "I'm not good enough", you respond "I am good enough.").

Here's the thing--affirmations may seem like big, fat lies at first. That can be part of the process. But if you want to believe a certain idea, you need to start introducing it regularly.

PRACTICE:
Write 3 affirmations to respond to your critic. Write them down or say them aloud each morning and evening. Think them as often as is needed throughout the day.

1. You're feelings are Valid

2. Be the Change

3. You have no Power over me

30 Days of Self Compassion Day 4- Self Reflection or YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER ME

I've been home, as it is the weekend, and my mind has been more able to focus on my inner critic's voice. I had a pretty terrible revelation. 

I don't realize that She Who Won't Be Named is the one talking to me, because I have always thought that this voice was Me. Not only Me, but Me telling the absolute, deep rooted, 100% accurate truth. I've been accepting it. Even when I try to fight it, it comes back to me saying, but it's true. Even if it's negative, even if it sucks, it's true. 

When I had this awful epiphany, I was still like, "Ok, that's The Bitch, but she's still telling the truth!"

So here's what I do (and this is the truth!): I closed my eyes tight, and separated the voice from the work I've been doing, and said, "Your feelings are valid, but what are you going to do about it?" I felt a rush, almost felt like I was going to start crying. It was powerful. I was able to move forward. Now, will this happen all the time? Will I be able to hold on to the ability to seperate myself from The Bitch? Most likely not, at least not right away. But I felt a change, and so I have hope. I know it worked. 

So I have hope. 

30 Days of Self-Compassion Day 3- Mantra

For those new to mantras, the idea is to have a short and sweet phrase you can repeat to yourself to remind you of a mindset you would like to adopt or a behavior you would like to start. Going off the last few days, give this mantra a try when you are hearing your inner critic, but would like to hear your inner friend instead.

I won't lie, this one isn't easy for me. I had a really short work week, but it was still overwhelming and busy.  I was not really set on specific New Year's Resolution. I wanted to focus on Self-Care, obviously, but have been so frustrated with every bullshit "self-care suggestions" that I've read (hence doing this challenge). I named my inner critic, I came up with a friendly response(ish) to say to my inner critic. I reminded myself to pay attention and notice when my inner critic reared its ugly head.

However. 

When I'm living life, I am so manic and ADHD and in the moment, that I am unaware of basically all things. Driving home, trying to listen to my audiobook and veg out, that's when everything that I said and did all day comes flooding back. 

So I guess at this time, I hear my inner critic, who I named Zelda but think I should rename to a person I work with but can't actually say her name because Privacy. So, perhaps we will refer to her as She Will Not Be Named. This bitch is rewinding the day, highlighting on how I verbally regurgitate everything that bothers me to my team. Every little annoyance, everything someone said or did, or how unfair the system is. How everyone is doing a shitty job in their classrooms. How these kids are being serviced. Blah Blah Blah. Every conversation turns into ME complaining, and that turns into an existential crisis. 

So I've decided that I'm reviving my old mantra, which still resonates with  me. Stop complaining- although my feelings are absolutely valid, my focus needs to be "What will you do about it?"

30 Days of Self-Compassion- Day 2- Being kind to your inner critic?

Yesterday we talked about naming your inner critic. Today's reflection questions might surprise you--they are meant to help you show kindness towards that inner critic.
Show kindness to the enemy?? That's right, and here's why.
You can't fight fire with fire, and being angry at that voice will only reinforce the habit of being hard on yourself. What if...you treated that voice like you would a hurt friend instead?

REFLECT: HOW WOULD YOU TREAT A FRIEND?
These are questions you can journal, reflect on, or talk through with a partner. 

1. How do you respond to a friend, a loved one or a student when they are struggling? What do you say? What do you do? What is your tone?
2. How do you treat yourself when you are struggling? What do you say? What do you do? What is your tone?
3. When your inner critic pops up, what is something kind, compassionate or loving you can say in response?

Today's challenge was to come up with one friendly response you can have ready for your inner critic. 🙏

Once a person whose job I took over told me the day I started “You’re going to drown!” What?! Bitch!!!! 

I replied “I don’t drown!” And that has become my mantra. Now to my inner critic too!!!

I realized I was writing to my inner critic, but not as I would address my best friend! So edit: to my best friend, I always tell her (and she tells me) "Your feelings are valid, feel them, own them, because how you feel is not wrong! But then let's look at it (what's bothering you) logically." This validates how we are feeling in the moment, when we are venting to each other. We are allowed to feel how we feel- anger,embarrassment, frustration, sorrow, but then have to (kindly and logically) work through how to alleviate these feelings, and come up with next steps.

30 Days of Self-Compassion- Day 1- Your Inner Critic

ACTIVITY 1: RECOGNIZING YOUR INNER CRITIC
The purpose of this activity is to become more aware of your inner critic, and to help you start to recognize that those thoughts are not you. You don't need to be fixed and you are not the problem. The problem is the voice.
Consider the following questions below and write down, say, or think your response (I recommend journaling, but do whatever works best for YOU). 

1. What types of things do you typically judge or criticize yourself for? (career, appearance, relationships, parenting, etc.) I definitely judge my ability to be a good mom to my children after a long, strenuous day at work.
2. What language do you use with yourself when you notice a flaw or mistake? You suck at life, you're ruining your children's lives.
3. Close your eyes and get in touch with the voice behind that negative language. What does the owner of that negative voice look like to you?--what name would you give it?

PRACTICE:
As you go through the rest of this week, notice when that negative voice comes up. Without changing anything else, work to become more aware when the critic is present.Research shows when you label your experience or name your emotion it steadies your mind and helps you remain calm. 
And the more familiar you become with that inner critic, the faster you will be able to spot it and eventually stop it in its tracks. 

Today, I choose the name I would give my critical inner voice. The activity today walks through steps to recognize and name your critical voice and why it's important. 🙏

 I’ve decided to name my critic Zelda, the scariest character in the movie Pet Semetary. She’s a fear I’ve never been able to conquer, like she was to Rachel, her sister who had to feed her when she was a young girl. It was too overwhelming, bordering on child abuse, for a young girl to have to deal with her deformed and maleficent being that transformed from a family member to a monster. Rachel is traumatized by the death of her sister, and this trauma carried through to her adult life. 

On day 3, I also thought of another, more personal name. The name of a colleague that has had it in for me. This might be more appropriate, in a different way. We shall see where this discovery takes me.  

30 Days of Self-Compassion

This year so far has been sucking the life out of me. I work ft in the city, a 2 hour round trip commute, have 2 girls, and a husband, and a house- and all of this gets pushed to the back burner in place of my work... I love my position, but I’m emotionally drained this year, with not only my responsibilities at my job, but with the added personal issues and circumstances of my students and their struggles. It’s to the point that I get Angry when I see articles with “tips” on self care. None of which: 1) make sense for me personally, 2) take up time I don’t have, or 3) get to the root of the burnout. I like the “self care” and “self compassion," because they seem more realistic, based on individual needs, and personal self growth. I’m hoping to gain some much needed relief 🥰