☆lÅÐy jÅÐeÐ☆

2011-07-22T00:26:00.001-04:00

Echo Station rocked it tonight

Oy

2011-07-21T11:32:00.000-04:00

So I haven't written because I have been knocking out 2 classes a day which makes me AWESOME but with little free time to do anything other than study, take tests, and get Juliet out of the house for a bit. Hopefully soon I will have a minute to chat.

Just a side note. I started following a bunch of the girls from Rock of Love and ROL Bus. Now my Twitter requests have jumped by a billion. I'm having performance anxiety.

Echo station show tonite!

2011-07-19T08:58:00.001-04:00

Ok. Here we go. The brain. Take 2.

Guess who had her first severe anxiety attack since becoming pregnant one year ago?

2011-07-19T00:06:00.001-04:00

So today started off magnificently enough with taking Jules to see Harry Potter not only in 3D but in IMAX 3D. She didn't make a peep, tho I sobbed throughout the entire thing even more than the first time I saw it.
We got some shit lunch, picked Up the Scoo and came home. Without a peep, young scooter bottom fell right to sleep. Into the living room we go to get some work done. Juliet starts reading her book without me even asking.
All is well.
Until I start reading today's lesson. On the brain.
On one of the very first slides I see (this dumb iPad wont let me upload the pic so I'll post later)and I quote "The human brain can be cut with a butter knife."
Hahah. All nice an innocent. Perfectly harmless- even humorous. I snap the above-mentioned pic and send it to Andy.
And I keep reading.
About lobes and stems and other such brain related words.
And the room is getting hotter (and was already a hefty 400 degrees or so) and hotter and I'm getting blinky and I basically run down the street to the pool. Whew, I say, clapping myself on the back, way to talk your way out of that anxiety attack.
I come home and entertain Jules with a magical science experiment. Scoo awakens, I start feeding her in my cool a/c blessed room and BAM! Bitch goes down. I start seeing green, I'm blinking and not seeing the room as I should. I calmly tell Jules to run and get me water, chocolate (as if it was a dementor attack) and lo and behold I hadn't turned my monitor off and my mother was downstairs listening to all the foolishness and sends up chocolate.
I still feel weak and shaky. And while I know my trigger was none other than that mushy fucking brain, there is much more afoot going on w me. It sucks. And I'm gonna have to deal w this. Sooner rather than later. So overwhelmed. And letting myself get more and more buried under cleaning

I'm in

2011-07-16T12:10:00.001-04:00

!!!!!!!

Inspiration strikes

2011-07-16T11:42:00.000-04:00

So lately, because of my youngest sissy, I have been on Twitter. She was on- despite being techno-shy (no Facebook)- to follow the unfortunately concluded trial of that whore Casey Anthony. Emboldened by her, I retweeted and started following some cool blogs and such. I spoke of the most vital, The Bloggess, on my first new post on this here site. Another one was Hello Giggles. Which I can't decide if I love or not. Because they tend to have a lot of guest bloggers. Some of whom are shit. But one of whom, last night, intrigued me with a name. Writing In Bed. Her post was about the Kardashians, And while I do NOT keep up w those bitches, I did get her point. It had to do with sisterhood (one of the deepest roots of my soul) and body image. So from her post I go to her blog (writinginbed.tumblr.com) and then discover a sub-page called...Freelance Writing.

!

And while that's good and great and had some advice and tips, what really caught my fancy was this:

A few days ago I uploaded one of my short stories onto Amazon to be sold as a Kindle book.

It was a lot easier than I thought it would be and the only thing I lacked was a cool image for the cover.

But hey, it’s up and it’s sold a few copies already. :)

So I was thinking that you should do the same. If you want to get something self-published, I would say try offering your writing as a Kindle download.

Tons of people own Kindles. Also, I have the Kindle app on my cell phone and downloaded my own story there to see how easy it could be done and yep, it’s pretty dang easy.

Whatever device you have, you can download some Kindle app or software so that you can buy Kindle books. You don’t have to own the device itself to buy these very cool books.

So if you’ve been thinking about getting your writing where you can easily manage the distribution, I would recommend providing people with a link where they can buy your stuff on amazon or even some other self-publishing site like LULU.com.

Hey, jealousy.

2011-07-15T23:21:00.000-04:00

One of my most quoted quotes is from a song from Rent! And goes "Forget regrets, or life is yours to miss." I spout this logic to Andy often, especially in affairs of the wallet (he often laments about wishing he could go back and NOT get into debt)(which is something to regret for sure!) I truly feel that whatever happens is life was SUPPOSED to happen. We don't make mistakes. We go through bad times, difficult times, total shit times, but these times shape us into who we are supposed to be. This is so trite, but in my heart of hearts (when I'm in a good place)I firmly believe this.
I do.
I really do.
So why do I have a regret?!
Way back in this blog I spoke about having lunch w my baby cousin who was going off to college and aspiring to be a writer. Fast forward 3 years, and said cousin is getting her foot in the door and is well on her way to becoming a successful journalist.

And since this my blog I'm going to honest. I am so fucking jealous of her that sometimes it hurts me.

So recently, I decided I needed to evaluate this situation. Forget regrets and all.

I love my cousin. I'm proud of her. We are very close and getting closer as we speak. Well, as you read. And I write. Anyway. Sure, I am resentful that she has the means and balls to do cool internships instead of menial shit jobs like i had to do in college, but that's more my family resentment deal (omg all these regrets popping up all over the joint).

I love my life. I'm proud of it. I love being married and having 2 awesome girls who kick such total ass. Recently at a dinner, I vocalized this love to a girl who was overcompensating for being 40 and single by saying kids and a husband would tie her down. Her words were "I love my freedom too much." I said "I don't feel that I've given up my freedom. I still do what I want." And I do.

I love my job. I am proud of it. I am in love with my kids and I enjoy going to work. I feel like I'm accomplished. I know I'm a great teacher. I know my shit. I am close to having 2 masters in education. That's impressive.

Yet every time I heAr that she's sold another article, I cringe. Because...because writing is MY dream. And I sat on it. I took the easy way out. I let my anxiety take over and gave it up. And guess what?

I regret that!!! I regret the shit out of that.

My dad recently said that he blames himself that I didn't become a writer. I think that's funny since it's so obviously me. My fear of rejection. My taking the easy way out. (yes School is the easy way out. You pay, you attend classes, you read, you write papers. Being a writer takes work- pitching ideas, being rejected, hearing nasty opinions about your work) so I have decided that I am taking control of this regret. This blog will help me.

The first step was admitting I have a problem. I am jealous. I regret that I'm not a writer. I admit that I desperately want to be a successful writer. A wildly, amazingly successful writer.

The second step was reopening this blog.

The third is setting goals. My first goal is blog related. I will start writing more frequently. I will write with specific expectations. What are these so called expectations? I don't know yet. But stay tuned. They are sure to be entertaining.

judge not...

2011-06-29T11:05:00.001-04:00

who is able to truly say that they are not judgemental? i doubt anyone can really look into their soul and not feel one way or another about a situation or person or whathaveyou.

but when is it ok--truly justifiable--to judge aloud. like, let your particular feelings be known. to me, i say shut your fucking mouth.

case in point...
my daughter. she's hyper, she's unfocused, she floats all over the place. we know that. she's not hurting anyone. she's annoying you, maybe, but unless you are her teacher or a classmate directly harmed by her talking out of turn, shut the fuck up. especially members of our family. she is NOT docile, she never WAS docile and she never WILL be docile. no one is going to rub off on her no matter how long they hang out together. accept her. and if you are too impatient to love her for who she is, stay away. because as a mother of a child with adhd, NOTHING is more frustrating than YOU getting frustrated with her--for what? running around? making a mess while eating? in a NON-SCHOOL related setting?--and telling me she should lay off the sugar. she doesn't even consume sugar. and i'm pretty sure that the sugar thing is an old-wives tale. she is what she is. and while most people who "love" her love her for all of her flaws, those who don't just suck as people. and i hope YOU get to deal with an imperfect child and see how the judging eyes and nasty comments feel.

time to play catch up?

2011-06-29T10:37:00.001-04:00

an amazingly large amount of things have happened since i last wrote on this here blog, in the world as a whole as well as in my world.
i have spent some time reading past blogs, and i am so happy that i didn't decide in a spur of the moment to delete it like i did my youtube. it has served as a phenomenal diary and it has been very interesting to read back on the past years. there were some very painful times represented in this blog, very dark times that are a very gargantuan reason why it's taken me 3 years to even look at this site. a year after working at my classroom, (a year after i stopped writing) i was diagnosed as having an anxiety disorder and slight depression. it SCREAMS obvious, at least to me, and while i am currently unmedicated (breastfeeding) and therefore slightly crazy, i am in such a better place. i was having anxiety attacks in grocery stores, not going out to parties and events that i should have been attending, and it was taking its toll on not only me, but really andy and JULIET. so i did something about it. and i am so happy i did. that is a huge change. what else has happened?
here's some things:
*i had a baby (scarlet judith. she's almost 3 months old!)
*andy lost his shit job at storage deluxe which means
*we lost our apartment so
*we moved to port chester but
*andy got an AMAZING job doing computer nerd shizz and he is BRILLIANTLY HAPPY
*in the world of echo station, jen and steve had a 2nd baby, a girl, and mike and amy had a lil' boy. while that is all gravy in creating the next generation of our echo family,
*joebags died in february 2011. it was totally devastating and really rocked our world. he was still living in costa rica, and was happily married and most heartbreakingly of all expecting a baby in september. it's horrible.

as far as the whole wide world, here are some things that stick out from my reading of this here blog:
*michael jackson died, and it was a far bigger deal than when anna nicole smith died.
*no one has myspace anymore. it is all about the facebook (which i will commonly refer to as spacejam or spacebook)

however, somethings have remained steadfastly same. for instance:
*juliet is still juliet. which is to say actually diagnosed adhd. still having a hard time in school, still impulsive, still wonderous.
*i'm still a psycho especially when people write things on the interwebs that involve me no matter how indirectly.

Ooooh yea baby!

2011-06-24T08:55:00.002-04:00

Test

Yea I can blog from my iPhone!

wow

2011-06-23T11:36:00.000-04:00

i haven't written on here in YEARS. isn't that wild?

so much has changed.

which i, of course, cannot document right now.

still in jams. have to get jules in 20 mins. baby asleep. yiiikes!

i promise things HAVE changed.

i just can't prove it yet.

guess who's back...back again...jaded's back...tell a friend...

2011-06-22T11:20:00.000-04:00

(title to be sung to the eminem song which may or may not be titled "shady's back.")

i discovered a new blog yesterday entitled The Bloggess. which may or may not be pronounced so that it rhymes with Goddess. right? some random person that i'm friends with on facejam shared her latest post and i read it and i swear i peed myself. and i fell in love.

because i tend to do that. fall in love with writers. they are like rockstars to your brain. i have literary crushes on ppl from bret easton ellis to francesca lia block all the way back around to my latest love, joe hill.

i fell in such literary love with this blog and it's writer that i spent most of my night reading up on her past blogs, her other projects and her sex column. which is hilarious. and also stalking around for more info about her. turns out she has many cats AND insomnia AND a daughter juliet's age. we are obviously soul mates.

i love her style of writing so much- it's madness, it's comedy, it's satire, it's NOT SERIOUSNESS- that i have been INSPIRED to get my ass back on here and WRITE AGAIN.

but i can't write now. because i have to pick jules up at school in a few and i'm in my pjs and i have to wake the baby up and get her ready and because the fucking mouse of this fucking computer is sticking and NOT working like a mouse should which is making me insane and because the cats are seriously annoying me and stepping on the keyboard and trying to write a post of their own. which might say "i would greatly appreciate being let out of this room. k thx bai." so i PROMISE to write later.

come up for air...

2008-10-13T09:19:00.003-04:00

holy crow how long has it been since i've written a blog? it's columbus day and whew, i have a minute to myself. last week, i had yom kippour off, but no car so juliet was home with me. the week before i had 2 days off, but no car, juliet was sick and i cleaned my house real deep down. so i'm home alone now, putting off doing my lesson plans and some more cleaning, so lucky you, you get to read about my past few months :)

1) fyi i almost totally deleted this blog because some fuucktards decided to float around on youtube and come across my page. and write rude fucked up messages to me. this bothers me so much i don't think you could possibly comprehend. so i deleted my entire youtube page. one motherfucker wrote that juliet was really annoying and wished that he had his 23 seconds of his life back. UH, YOU PIECE OF SHIT. YOU CAME ACROSS A VIDEO OF A 4 YEAR OLD AND WATCHED IT. WHY????? AND THEN FELT THE NEED TO COMMENT??I WOULD SERIOUSLY SLAP THIS PERSON IN HIS COCKFACE IF I EVER MET HIM. another one commented on my kevin spacey vid and merely said "ugh, you piss me off." i swear to god i turned into the incredible hulk and saw green (maybe red). why are you looooooking for a fight? i hate people looking for a fight. so i almost deleted this because i don't want some LOOSER INTERNET FUCKHEAD who is sitting around sans pants saying "ugh, this blog pisses me off. let me TELL HER that she PISSES ME OFF despite the fact that she's a complete fucking stranger." ugggggggggggh.

2)nightmare revisited. juliet is obsessed with the new cd remake of all the nightmare before christmas songs. so i've been listening to it. and it's partially awesome. like the marilyn manson version of "this is halloween" is pretty awesome. the korn version of "kidnap the sandy claws" is fantastic. amy lee's "sally's song" is haunting and beautiful. HOWEVER what the hell was flyleaf thinking with "what's this" which is the most wonderful song in the movie. they made is quite painful to listen to. as did who ever made the oogie boogie song and turned it into a cheesy lounge song. the cd is awesome tho. if you like the movie and the songs, it is so worth downloading. especially if you have a 4 year old who loves jack.

3)suzy i asked juliet to be her flower girl!!! how awesome is that?? i am so excited :) :) :)

i feel like i had so much to write about but now i'm in brain freeze mode and i guess that i'll just go clean.

oh wait! i wanted to write about:

*Southport Brewery in Stamford: oh. my. dear. sweet. lord. it is heaven. angels cook in the kitchen. the food was, without a doubt, the best food i've ever eaten. in my life. and the beer, which they make on site since it is, indeed, a brewery, was laughing at me.i in fact wanted to brush my teeth with it. it was RIDICULOUS how amazing this place was. i got a beer entitled "big headed blonde" haha, and i fucking dream about it...

*Bowling: my aunt decided "let's go bowling! as a family!" totally random one day last week. despite the fact that there are a million of us, a good portion of my family got together and went to white plains bowl for an afternoon of totally different and fun family bonding and togetherness. we had a blast. there is so much you learn about people you think you know when you do something like bowling. like for instance, grandmere is a great bowler, and very competitive. and so is grandpere. competitive!!! it was just so awesome to see everyone let down their hair and go crazy. i love family bonding! i urge everyone to do it!

last weekend we went apple and pumpkin picking, and it was just really great to be with my family, out of the house, doing something. when you grow up and get married and have your own family, it's amazing when you can spend a day as a grown up kid, back with the "team"you grew up with. ahhh. nostalgia. plus last week we were in hopewell, and we had a beautiful day. my mom, liz, ryan and paulie went to some antique store (?) while my dad, andy, jules and i went to the creek and skipped rocks, and then hung out at the new park at the rec, where i totally grew up. it was just a really cool feeling.

anyway, now i feel like babbling brook, so i'm really going to go. clean. and do lesson plans. yay.

oh, please SAVE THE DATE FOR ECHO STATION'S XXXMAS SPECTACULAR 12/20 AT THE HAUNT IN YONKERS...

first day of first grade

2008-09-02T18:18:00.002-04:00

for all of you who read my blog, i apologize that i'm basically sending out a MASS MESSAGE about my first day. i am so exhausted i can't even see the screen right now. i wore a brand new, super cute pair of shoes--red!--and my toes are so blistered that i will not be able to wear shoes for AGES. i was in my class room from 7am-5pm. but it was great! my kids are sweet (altho 23 at a time to manage is a lot different than my usual ONE). it was a good deal of lining up and going to the bathroom and clapping and trying to remember names..but so far so good.

i need to sleeeeeep now.

my-so-called blog

2008-08-25T20:19:00.003-04:00

i had a really rough day today and to get my climbing-towards-a-migraine mind off of the bullshit, i decided to watch my my-so-called life dvd. there are a few things i just needed to say about watching this as a 30 year old.

1. i am so fucking depressed that its been 15 years since that show has been on the air.

2. i am also so fucking depressed that i am identifying with the (godawful, stick-up-the-ass) parents.

3. clare danes was straight scary looking in the pilot episode. real white and eyebrowless.

4. rayanne was NOT really as cool as we thought when we were 15. (this is the mother in me coming out).

5. even though i love my mother and she was never like patti chase...no wait, she absolutely WAS patti chase. everything about her. her hating any new, cool friends. stating they were RUDE when they clearly were just kids. i adore my mother. i really do. but in high school, this was her.

6. i would have ditched sharon as a friend too. she was awful.

7. jordan catalano was a complete fucktard. when angela goes in the room at that party and he's there watching "i touch myself" he looks at her, and looks away. without saying anything. fuuuuuuuuuck you. that is absolutely unacceptable. and then, he only talks to her--hell, suddenly knows her NAME--only when she is put in a cop car. fuck you jordan catalano. you are a fucktard.

8. and the leaning thing?! it's like he has a stroke every once in awhile. not cool. weird.

9. brian krackow. why?

10. then the scene at the rave when everything happens...them switching shoes, "with your hair like that it hurts to look at you", her finding her dad cheating, her crying on her mom and falling asleep...this episode was the best show that has ever, ever hit the airwaves. it is DESPICABLE to be that it was taken off the air.

11. i hate that the youth of america doesn't KNOW this kind of sincerity, reality, beauty. they know the motherfucking HILLS and THE OC and other inane, mindnumbing bullshit. it's disgusting.

1990 called. they want their teen angst back. wait, they just called again. they want their joke back. hahah.

me, a first grade teacher. in general ed. who wouldv'e thought?

2008-08-05T21:56:00.002-04:00

yes, i accepted a position as a general ed 1st grade teacher in the bx. i am so excited, yet totally freaked out. here is a review of the school:

At a time when other public schools struggle to provide students with even minimal exposure to music, PS 68 is doing the impossible. Through an eight-year partnership with Education Through Music, a not-for-profit organization promoting music education in the schools, PS 68 offers instrumental music instruction for all students beginning with keyboard twice weekly in kindergarten and 1st grade. By 3rd grade, children are learning the violin and continue with it, or viola or cello, through 5th grade. Many graduates of PS 68 go on to attend specialized arts middle and high schools, and the program boasts of alumni now attending Julliard and the Manhattan School for Music. Children are taught to share their skills with others by performing at nursing homes and community events. As Cheryl Coles, principal for 13 years, explains, "If you have been blessed, and we have, you have to turn around and share that blessing."
PS 68 has been featured (twice!) on the cover of Scholastic News, the children's magazine, and on Fox News, and has received numerous awards in honor of its children and programs. Television news personality Jane Pauley has acted as "Principal of the Day," and renowned classical musicians have participated in its programs.
PS 68 has a partnership with the Chess in the Schools program. Children learn the game, participate in competitions, and use chess as a vehicle for understanding their academic subjects, particularly math. We saw a bulletin board showing how children used different math skills to calculate the number of squares on a chess board.
In 2003, in response to some moderate discipline problems, the school implemented a good-behavior incentives program that, according to Coles, has been very effective. The program operates by awarding "tickets" to classes for good behavior and removing tickets for bad behavior. For example, if a 1st grade class lines up quietly for lunch, and each child is wearing the school uniform (maroon and gray plaid for girls; gray slacks and a tie for boys), the class will receive tickets. If, however, the same class runs down the stairs on the way to the cafeteria, tickets will be subtracted. When a class accumulates a certain number of tickets, it is asked to work on a literacy project and a math activity (such as writing a story and creating a bar graph) showing how it earned the tickets. The class is then awarded a pizza, popcorn, or ice cream party.
On the day of our visit, the children at PS 68 were remarkably well behaved. Whether listening attentively to their teachers or engaging in activities with their classmates, these children showed respect for adults as well as each other. The relationship between students and adults is formal. Students call teachers by their last names and greet the principal in unison each time she enters a room. When we spoke with 5th grade students, children stood and gave their names before answering, and did not interrupt each other.
Many students are immigrants from the Caribbean and have varied educational backgrounds. Other children transfer to the school after having been unsuccessful in the local parochial schools. With these needs in mind, regular classroom instruction is supplemented with math and literacy assistance in the after-school program. Children also receive weekend and holiday homework packets, and, for those approaching standardized testing, "test sophistication" activities help students tackle the exams with a strategy for success.
The classrooms were very large and bright. Living plants, colorful art projects, and enormous chess pieces filled the entryway and main office. In addition to a large play yard, the school has a smaller courtyard with playground equipment designed for younger children.
Admissions: Unfortunately for those not living in the school's zone, PS 68 is full to capacity and rarely admits children from outside the neighborhood.
Special education: The school has "self-contained" classrooms (children with special needs only) as well as classrooms where two teachers lead a class comprising one-third special education students and two-thirds general education students.
After school: The program features academic enrichment as well as chess, chorus, boys' and girls' basketball, and cheerleading. (Melanie Acevedo, January 2005)

some people are disgusting.

2008-07-20T10:07:00.004-04:00

i've unfortunately had to deal with people like this in public while working...young, ditzy lifeguards yelling at a mother of 2 autistic boys to keep better control of them...however, there is a particularly ignorant and awful man who is on a nationally syndicated radio show. read the story and sign petition to get this total fuckhead fired.

On the July 16 edition of his nationally syndicated radio show, Michael Savage claimed that autism is "[a] fraud, a racket." Savage went on to say, "I'll tell you what autism is. In 99 percent of the cases, it's a brat who hasn't been told to cut the act out. That's what autism is. What do you mean they scream and they're silent? They don't have a father around to tell them, 'Don't act like a moron. You'll get nowhere in life. Stop acting like a putz. Straighten up. Act like a man. Don't sit there crying and screaming, idiot.' " Savage concluded, "[I]f I behaved like a fool, my father called me a fool. And he said to me, 'Don't behave like a fool.' The worst thing he said -- 'Don't behave like a fool. Don't be anybody's dummy. Don't sound like an idiot. Don't act like a girl. Don't cry.' That's what I was raised with. That's what you should raise your children with. Stop with the sensitivity training. You're turning your son into a girl, and you're turning your nation into a nation of losers and beaten men. That's why we have the politicians we have.

"

Savage also stated: "[W]hy was there an asthma epidemic amongst minority children? Because I'll tell you why: The children got extra welfare if they were disabled, and they got extra help in school. It was a money racket. Everyone went in and was told [fake cough], 'When the nurse looks at you, you go [fake cough], "I don't know, the dust got me." ' See, everyone had asthma from the minority community."

Talk Radio Network, which syndicates The Savage Nation, claims that Savage is heard on more than 350 radio stations. The Savage Nation reaches at least 8.25 million listeners each week, according to Talkers Magazine, making it one of the most listened-to talk radio shows in the nation, behind only The Rush Limbaugh Show and The Sean Hannity Show.

Someone created a petition to stop Michael Savage! Please fill it out...it takes a second and will hopefully be a step against someone who needs to be stopped:

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/fire-michael-quotautism-is-a-fraudquot-savage

i need to push that last blog down a bit

2008-07-16T22:19:00.002-04:00

so i thought this might be fun for you to watch.

pretty boy floyd

2008-07-16T22:18:00.001-04:00

for all of y'all who didn't see andy last night at the all star game with his fellow bleacher creatures, wearing a tux:

and this year's youtube sensation is...

2008-07-13T23:30:00.003-04:00

my mom!?!

i just uploaded a new video to youtube and while perusing through my account, i discovered that people have been watching my videos. 10, 000 people have been watching my lame, juliet heavy, kid's birthday party videos. i didn't believe it, but upon further investigation i find that they can tell you EXACTLY how many hits each video got.

my mother's kevin spacey video has been hit 4, 775 times.

almost five THOUSAND people have seen my mother meet kevin spacey! she is basically chris crocker.

but this is the new video...despite my large, warewolf like teeth, it is a great and hilarious video.

*sigh

2008-07-09T17:54:00.003-04:00

i am feeling really comatose right now so writing is possibly not a great idea despite the fact that there is a LOT to write about.

for instance, the fact that juliet fell face first (teeth first?) into my grandparent's couch. at first, the roomfull of people barely glanced her way, since as everyone who knows her knows she basically falls or hits her face or skins her knee once every five minutes. but my cousin keek had a real concerned look on her face, so i kind of ran over...andy picked her up and sat her down to check out the damage and he freaked out ("jesus chriiiiiiiist!") so i grabbed her and ran to the kitchen...deflected everyone from putting ice on it (don't EVER put ice on an open wound) and got some wet paper towels to hold on the booboo...through her screams and cries she managed to spit out not one...not two...but THREE gushing mouthfuls of blood. her lip was about the size of her foot, and her teeth were pretty fucked up. she was a brave little toaster tho. once she calmed down, her only concern was that she could no longer suck her thumb. my mother in law has her ins with the oral surgeon (where she works) so she got us in despite the late hour. she (juliet, not my mother in law) sat in the doc's chair like a grown up who has never had a doctor/dentist related anxiety attack (my first one was at age 3 so i'm hoping that she is NEVER like me) and even after he pushed her teeth back into place merely said "ouch, that HURT!" and "when can i suck my thumb again?"

i myself went into a traumatic shock coma/manic breakdown and then, due to the ginormous migraine, took a tylenol3 (codine). which was apparently not codine, but acid, because instead of sleeping, i started tripping, all night long. needless to say, after a day/night/day of no sleep and my entire world of being a mother violently shaken up(and then taking a panicky, horrifying acid trip that was probably god's way of making sure that i don't ENJOY taking perscription drugs), i'm feeling pretty awful and surreal right now.

on a totally unrelated (but somehow vitally important) note, i finished the 3rd and 4th installment of megan mccafferty's jessica darling series. they are fucking fantastic and i basically wish i WAS megan mccafferty. because not only did she write 4 amazing books, 2 of which i am totally obsessed with, but she has a blog that has her 10 year old diary excerpts in it. fucking awesome. PLUS, her diaries are basically the same as MINE from when i was the same age. however, i'm not an amazing writer who has created the perfect anti-heroine. maybe someday.

and fyi, juliet is doing well. she is sucking down oatmeal and scrambled eggs, but can't fall asleep (the thumb). every time she hurts her self (she just tripped and fell almost on her face this very second) and i overreact (*gaaaaaaaaaasp!*) she gives me her dirtiest look and says "i'm fiiiiiiiiiiiine."

i love my life

2008-06-28T01:57:00.002-04:00

i didn't think i'd ever have a better night than last night. but i was wrong. because tonight was fucking amazing.

last night, roger talked to me on MORE THAN ONE OCCASION. it was like a dream. at one point, he told me that he liked my necklace. then he asked me if i liked to be choked during sex (!!!) then he tried to get me on stage but no one was around to help me get up onto the stage and paulie and andy fucking hit me in the head for not levatating up but alas...ummmmmm...and then i got in my car, and drove to boston. i got here at 4am. i am so exhausted i cannot even begin to tell u. but i just saw the toadies. for the 3rd time in 13 years. AND I MET TODD LEWIS....IT WAS FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKING INSAAAAAAAAAAAANE. i told him straight out that i have been going to toadies shows and being in absolute love with him since i was 17 and he took a picture with me. i sobbed the entire show, because they are the FUCKING GREATEST. i am so so so at a loss for words right now and i've been up for about 48 hours and the fucking air mattress is NOT blowing up right so i'm going to try to go now...but i looooooooooooooooooooooved this night!!!!!!!! much as i assumed when i was a young child of 17, todd is in fact a vampire. he is so handsome and wonderful. seeing the toadies after so long, and after being such a huge obsessed fan, was ridiculous. ridiculoussssssssss!!!!

this is me being nuts with amie at the middle east. where we ate moroccan food and drank blue moon. and saw the toadies. HEAVEN.

i married the only person in the world that could possibly imagine how much i fucking love this man...

did you ever wonder why people flock to myspace and facebook?

2008-06-18T13:00:00.003-04:00

i am addicted to chuck palahniuk now. i eat him up. for christmas, i bought book themed gifts for everyone, and his book "haunted" kept popping up on amazon. (mostly when i was purchasing an ellis-but-in-a-foreign-language book for keeley, but that's neither here no there).
this is what the cover to "haunted" looks like:

i was getting kind of freaked out that it kept popping up, so i bought it for my godson, terrence j. he likes a good, fucked up read, and this looked indeed like a good, fucked up book.
at the same time, random people then kept urging me to read palahniuk due to the fact that i love bret easton ellis. seriously, every time i bought an ellis book at a bookstore, the angsty cash-register guy would say, "have you ever read palahniuk? you totally SHOULD!"
then for my 30th bday, my sister's boyfriend (who also reads ellis but never has read palahniuk) bought me "haunted," much to my delight. i was all "did you KNOW? i have been DYING to read this! how did you KNOW?" like a giggling book worm that i am.
i devoured "haunted" (despite the fact that the first chapter made me nearly keel over and die from absolute horror and disgust!)* and i am on my 4th chuckie p. novel since then...

but i digress...

as usual...

the title of this blog is "did you ever wonder why people flock to myspace and facebook?" because there is an excerpt from "diary:a novel" that i'd like to share with you:

when they were in school, peter used to say that everything you do is a self-portrait. it might look like "saint george and the dragon" or "the rape of the sabine women," but the angle you use, the lighting, the composition, the technique, they're all you. even the reason why you chose this scene, it's you. you are every color and brushstroke.
peter used to say, "the only thing an artist can do is describe his own face."
you're doomed to being you.
this, he says, leaves us free to drwa anything, since we're only drawing ourselves.
your handwriting. the way you walk. which china pattern you choose. it's all giving you away. everything you do shows your hand.
everything is a self-portrait.

i fucking LOVE that! it is so absolutely true. this is why i believe people go to myspace or facebook (ahem, or blogger.com) and decorate "their page" with wallpaper and backgrounds and post up videos and music and pictures of themselves. this is why we describe ourselves with lyrics and movie quotes. we want to scream out to you THIS IS ME, PEOPLE. THIS IS HOW I DESCRIBE MYSELF. THIS IS WHAT I LOVE. THIS IS MY SELF-PORTRAIT. in real life society, it's not so easy to show who we are. how we feel about ourselves. we have to be normal. professional. uncrazy. civilized.

am i too analytical about this?

*as an aside, i would like it to be known that during his book tour for "haunted," old chuckie p. would read excerpts from this first chapter, entitled "guts." as it states on wikipedia: While on his 2003 tour to promote his novel Diary, Palahniuk read "Guts" to his audiences. It was reported that over 35 people fainted while listening to the readings. On his tour to promote Stranger Than Fiction: True Stories in the summer of 2004, he read the story to audiences again, bringing the total amount of fainters up to 53, and later up to 60, while on tour to promote the softcover edition of Diary. The last fainting occurred on May 28, 2007, in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada, where 5 people fainted, one of which occurred when a man was trying to leave the auditorium, which resulting in him falling and hitting his head on the door. Palahniuk is apparently not bothered by these incidents, which have not stopped fans from reading "Guts" or his other works.
i also want to assure you that even tho this has led people to call him a "shock" writer, i seriously adore him and do not think he is a shock writer despite this fucking gruesome tale, and you should read read read his books!!!

wasted hours and writer's block

2008-06-11T18:21:00.002-04:00

another night sitting in front of this mind-numbing machine. don't know what i'd do without it yet simutaneously hating it for being so tempting. because i spend hours just wasting my life away. watching youtube videos (lately toad the wet sprocket and soul asylum), checking my email, myspace or facebook, or just generally fucking around.

i should be reading my book which i am really into.

i should be writing another short story.

i should be editing the hell out of the ones i've already written. because i've decided that they suck. or most of them do. well, some of them do.

i kind of want to paint.

but here i am. sitting here. eyes glued heavily to the screen.

at least i'm writing.

something?

juliet got her first library card today. she was so excited! libraries are the greatest invention in the world. i don't know why i never knew about this. i mean, i used to love the library bc we couldn't afford to buy all the books i would tear through, but nowadays, damn! they have the coolest children's sections at both the pc and new ro libraries, where juliet can do puzzles, play computer games, read books, listen to music...you know, the same things she can do at home but for some reason is just cooler in the library.

and the coolest part is that i got 3 Chuck Palahniuk books to read FOR FREE!!!! (ahem. i'm aware that that was a "dur" moment, but if you've ever seen my house you know that i basically buy every book i read because i'll eventually reread it...so i spend most of my $$ at amazon.com) i'm on the 2nd one and it's great.

oh, maybe i should go read it?

without a doubt the greatest thing i've ever seen in my life...

2008-06-11T17:22:00.003-04:00

...i could just die!

http://www.monstermania.net/Convention11Guests.htm

we r so obsessed w/the nightmare on elm street movies that andy has a freddy calendar right in our bedroom, ax from our bed...it was one of our first topics of conversation as a couple...and here we can go meet not only robert england, but nancy! joey! kinkaid! alice! that evil fucking boy who was freddy's son! and brooke theiss, who was wendy lubbok (and the girl who died working out in a nightmare on elm street 4) who was my hero growing up. how i wanted to live in an attic with my sisters (and i ended up doing so w/one them after all!). i am just so looking forward to it.

andy asked if he could wear a jason mask.

absolutely not.

the craziest day by far...

2008-06-08T19:12:00.004-04:00

so we got up nice and early today and went to the autism walk...it was 100 degrees out and insane but it was a great, great walk...my mom & sister becky, friend ann marie, and sis ilyssa joined andy, jules and i as we went to manhattanville (and walked over 3 miles from the parking lot to the walk) and then walked for 2.5 miles. becky & my mom were the first to cross the finish line. it was a really awesome day, and we raised a ton of $$ for research! there were so many people there, and so much money was raised!

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then we went on the boat. it was so hot we actually went swimming, which is crazy to do in the long island sound out by shell island until after the 4th of july. we had a nice, leisurely afternoon... and then it started to thunder.

and then all hell broke loose! the skies opened and we were flying on the boat thru hell. grandma, re and juliet were underneath, safe unless we flipped over, and my dad, becky, paulie and mom were on the top in the captain's whatever you call it. andy and i were standing in the back enjoying the rain, when suddenly it started hailing. it hurt so much we went up w/everyone, and then i saw in front of us. we were in serious death danger. the waves were so huge and at one point the boat tipped dangerously low...re said all the draws underneath flew opened! at that point, i saw the stone wall that means we're about to enter the yacht club harbor... and my dad lost control of the wheel! as he furiously tried to get us on course, i couldn't help saying "dad, can you see? can you SEE? do you see the wall?? the WALL is there!" he didn't answer, he seemed to be enjoying himself, and until that moment (because he CANNOT see! in ANY weather!) i was too. when i realized for sure we would be crashing into the wall, i had to go down under and be with juliet. from the inside, you could barely tell that we were in danger. my dad couldn't even tie up at the mooring, so we had to go down the byram river til it calmed down...which it did. it was wholly exhilarating...becky, however, most likely will NOT ever go on the boat again!

(this is basically us)

Autism Speaks! LaBella Bambini Rocks!

2008-06-06T18:11:00.004-04:00

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i am in utter shock as i sit here, because i didn't even think that hitting the $1,000 goal that i set for our team was POSSIBLE. i was FURIOUS at myself during the hullabaloo of my birthday party because i put the walk and all thoughts of it on the backburner.
but now, with 2 days left til the walk, we have officially raised over $2,500!!!! that is more than DOUBLE what i had hoped for! my dear friend, ilyssa, who is like a sister to me, has raised over $1,000 HERSELF!!! how amazing is that? and storage deluxe, andy's company, has donated $1,000! friend's of juliet from school have donated over $100!! john hancock, my sister amie's company, even matched her donation. for the record, the agency i work for, theracare, has a team, so no matching donations for us! however, my good friend, samira, is a mother of 2 boys with autism...they are 2 of my favorite kids in this world, and i love them. she donated an amazing $200 to our team, which was words beyond generous. my family has gone above and beyond, joining the team, emailing everyone in the world that they know, and giving, giving, giving! it has been a really enlightening experience for me. i am pleased as punch to have the support of family and friends so that i can make such an impact in this cause.

and now i laugh, because while having a $2500 donation is amazing, the number one ranked westchester/fairfield team has raised $66,575. oh wait, no. the top walker raised that much. the team she is on, scarsdale c.h.i.l.d, raised $153, 511.00.

i am not kidding.

WE DID IT! LaBella Bambini raises goal of $1, 000 for Walk Now For Autism...and donations continue to come in!

2008-06-04T20:20:00.002-04:00

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There is still time to donate on-line! Thank you so much for your support!

keep the spirit burning...

2008-05-31T14:03:00.003-04:00

so last night my brother paulie aka the squee aka psqhah had his first ever rock show. about 3-4 years ago the kid decides he wants an electric guitar for christmas or his birthday or something, and here, almost 16 years old, he is phenomenal. he is a natural musician, and for someone who loves music and metal as much as me, i couldn't be a prouder older sister.
so he formed a little band called Vengeance with his best friend, eric aka bubba aka bubba ray doug, as lead singer (i first found out that he was a singer when they babysat for j. and we were playing rock band together...he sang "run to the hills" like a madman), and a cool drummer and bassist they are friends with, for the port chester hs battle of the bands (which of course kevin started).
they were soooo good! they went on first, which was stupid, because people weren't really warmed up and ready to stand in front of them and dance. also, the show was in the gym, which was also pretty weird. my entire family came out to support paulie, but even w/o us, they got a huge reaction from the crowd.

paulie is a fucking sick little guitar player...when he did his first solo (which again was for "run to the hills" ironically)i seriously cried with tears. he is amazing, and again, i couldn't be prouder. check them out on myspace at www.myspace.com/savethemetal.

little paulie getting his shit ready...

bubba, singing

the band, from l->r...danny, eric, amanda & paulie. perfect metal faces.

biggest fan ever.

my daughter, the rock star....

2008-05-31T08:05:00.001-04:00

we are really quite proud~

Juliet's 4th bday party @ school

2008-05-30T22:41:00.001-04:00

30Rocks--- madness at port chester yacht club

2008-05-18T22:45:00.003-04:00

i am utterly exhausted so i am in no way going to be able to express the outrageous amount of fun that i had last night. but until i can, i want to say that i DID have a great time. i got some insane gifts. i feel the love of my girls and my family, and it makes me feel great! really not going to be up to working tomorrow. it's my 6 year wedding anniversary. we have 4 years left til hawaii. i have so much to say, but my fingers are typing retardedly. so i'm not going to say much now but I LOVE YOU ALL!!

more TO COME I PROMISE.

partaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

2008-05-16T22:27:00.004-04:00

allllriiiiight!

in less than 24 hours i will be dancing the night away in my awesome new red dress, with 75 of my nearest and dearest, celebrating the debacle that is my 30th birthday! i am psyched, but at the same time exceedingly anxious that i am FORGETTING SOMETHING! of course, since i am doing this all by myself (with the help of a very helpful few...)it is up to me (us) to make sure i don't forget something vital-- like the coffee, 1/2 and 1/2 and sugar! the important bases are covered...mark's got 30 bottles of wine in his car, and we pick up the keg sometime tomorrow...but i need to make sure i've got for instance juliet's dress, socks, underwear and shoes! or else disaster! plus her curling iron and my makeup bag and my dress!! it's maddening...but i love every minute of it. however, i do not love that i seem to have lost my steamer. my dress may end up being quite wrinkled tomorrow! luckily i have packed my lucky dracula underpants. just in case.

but i am so excited!! and for some of you who will be there, we are in for a great night full of dancing our asses off! beer pong on the back porch is in the works, and i already have the cards for kings in my purse. we are going to have a blizzzzast!!!

blaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

2008-05-13T21:32:00.002-04:00

i wanted to write something but i am in such an aggrevated, disgusted place that i don't even have anything to write.

but happy mother's day if you're a mom.

and thank you to everyone who came out to arrowwood on saturday night. despite the fact that we got kicked out 30 minutes prior to closing time and i hated that rodrigo or domingo character so much that i could spit.

my 30th birthday is in 2.5 hours. ugh.

oh also my hair is blonde. mostly blonde. like, there are chunks of red in it still, just because, not on purpose. but whatever.

god this is just awful. did i ever claim to be a writer?

12 days...

2008-05-02T12:16:00.002-04:00

i am starting to have anxiety dreams about my 30th birthday party which can only mean one unfortunate thing: i am looking far too forward to it and planning far too much for it and expending far too much energy on it and i'm most certainly due for a big fat dissapointment because of this.

like my sister's wedding.

i hate that "the best laid plans of mice and men oft' go awry..."

my dream was that the linens didn't get to the party til AFTER it started, and that they were not tablecloths at all, but RAGS, and they were NOT red and black, but blue and yellow! and that my waitresses were mean to me, and told my aunt that they hated me, so i fired them. and there was a lot of screaming involved.

but at least i have a wicked (10 hour) playlist prepared that i cannot wait to dance to! like, right now, i'm listening to it, and vanilla ice is on! whaaaaat? blast from the past.

american idol bitchings and musings.

2008-04-29T22:17:00.003-04:00

are we still constipated? brook white is merely 24 yet the lines on her face (wrinkles) belie her age to be a more matured 47...

"can we start over?"

jason castro, while once loved by this dreadlock-adoring gal, really kind of needs to go. every song is the same. but i still love him. if only for the dreads.

"i am so adorable! i have dreadlocks! vote for me!

david cook IS the american idol. he is BEYOND the american idol. don't let the naysayers fool you. i do not listen to the crap that american idols put out but i swear i would buy david cook's album. and listen to it.

"i am sultry and sassy"

however, david archuletta needs to basically die and fall off the face of this earth. his voice is most like kermit the frog's, which we all know makes it comperable to alanah myles. yikeroos. i don't get the love that america has for this monchichi. he is so douchey, so sickly sweet. and i just don't get the voice. is it supposed to be good?

"bananas"

perhaps i should say something about syesha? no. not worth my clicking fingers. however let's touch upon the ever so stoned out her gord paula abdul.

"wasted"

this is my 401st blog post...

2008-04-29T11:13:00.002-04:00

...and i'm going to do some babbling!

*my 30th birthday is in 2 weeks... it is specifically in 15 days. YIKES!

*victoria beckham, who has the most ridiculous boobs in the history of boobage, just turned 34. that makes her only 4 years older than me. yet she seems to be so much older. why are her boobs so awful?

*america ferrera, aka ugly betty, who i love, just turned 24. which makes her 6 years younger than me. yet she seems to be so much older.

**someone PLEASE buy me this shirt for my birthday!**

*kate hudson, who also fits the pattern of seeming so much older than me, is only
29. which makes her a year younger than me.

WHY DO I FEEL SO YOUNG WHEN I AM IN FACT SO OLD??

also, angelina jolie, who is pregnant, is rumored to have gestational diabetes. JUST LIKE ME!! well, rather, just like i DID.

politickin

2008-04-22T22:01:00.002-04:00

andy is watching wrestling in the other room, and he's all, "jess come in here! barack obama just made the best speech ever!" and i'm all "obama is on wrestling?" and andy replies "they ALL are." it amazes me that we are pulling out all the stops with this here election...going to teen and gossip magazines, debating on morning shows, and now, coming down to wwe and using ye olde wrasslin language, trying to become one with the simple folk. it kind of brings a tear to my eyes. but i am very sick and on a lot of medication.

and indeed they are. i just watched john mccain saying "finally, the mac has come back..." and "can you smell what the mac is cookin?" and makin a bunch of sense for the republican politician...sense that is to the 18-30 year olds that still watch the show.

obama was prob. the best:

but i give props to the usually uptite lady in this all:

NoFX

2008-04-17T09:16:00.002-04:00

as i was writing that blog a few down, about reality tv rockstars, i almost wrote "what am i cursed? will roger be appearing on a vH1 show in the next couple of years? maynard? greg?"

no it's fat mike.

on fuse.

a nofx reality tv show. i feel nuts. again.

also, because of this show, i dreamt that i went to the prom with fat mike. he was wearing a green t shirt. i was so happy to be going to the prom with him. wtf?

PLEASE TELL ME THE TRUTHHHHHHHHHHHHH

2008-04-16T22:22:00.001-04:00

i can't think of a title at the moment

2008-04-16T22:04:00.004-04:00

so a few days ago when young d and i were searching thru youtube to find songs for her to dance to (her faves at the moment are holla back girl and wind it up) i came across this old ass clip of sebastian bach back in the day when he kicked that fan in the face during "piece of me" because the fan had thrown a bottle his head. this was back in the pre-asshole kid rock/limp bizkit concert days when you weren't ENCOURGED to throw bottles at the stage. as did happen at woodstock 99. anyway, that whole scandal was a HUGE part of my life. seriously. when we'd jump into the pool or the water at Red Wing, we would pretend we were sebasian doing that infamous jump, boot first, right into a face. we actually did. a lot. we SWORE we would never go to springfield mass. we were upset that bart simpson LIVED in springfield, because he wouldn't be able to see skid row ever again. (i realize now that that was completely retarded of me. especially since i'm pretty sure that the simpsons didn't live in mass. but ill. or something. but i really loved bart simpson and it broke my heart that he was a woman).

anyway, so i watched the clip. and i realized just WHY i was so obsessed with skid row. because sebastian bach was GODLIKE. i still have posters of him in my closet. but it made me really fucking depressed. because despite watching this old video, and old skid row videos, and thinking "daaaaaaaamn he's HOT" the truth of the matter is that SEBASTIAN BACH WAS ON A REALITY TV SHOW AND BASICALLY WAS AN ASSHOLE THE ENTIRE TIME.

so was jani lane (he looked like a fat bloated red duck who was going bald).

so was vince neil (he had a facelift on cable television).

so was gunnar nelson (even tho he was actually quite lovable on celebrity fit club).

and of course, so were bret michaels and my absolute A#1 love, c.c. deville (who i adored on surreal life because he is such a sweet lover boy).

the list can go on and on about the men who were fucking ROCK GODS in my youth having quite successful but totally lame reality tv shows (ozzy)(do you remember what ozzy WAS and REPRESENTED when he was out in the 70s 80s and even early 90s??? a bumbling retard tv dad???? NO FUCKING WAY!!!) but these specific dudes were my LOVES. my BANDS. how is it that they end up as has beens on these shows? it makes me crazy. all crazy like in the head.

is it friday yet???????????????

why is it that the only concerts we seem to go to anymore are our favorite bands from the 90s?

2008-04-06T11:42:00.002-04:00

Toadies

June, 26 2008 at Bowery Ballroom
6 Delancy St., New York, New York 10002
Cost : $15 advance, $17 @ the door

Tickets on sale 4/4

Rock of Chlamydia

2008-03-31T22:11:00.002-04:00

(i had to google how to spell "Chlamydia"...i am just imagining andy seeing that in my internet history and being very, very concerned...)

so we were watching rock of love with old 46 year-old bret michaels tonight, and it got me thinking.

yes, watching a bullshit, godawful, melodramatic vh1 celebreality show had me seriously thinking about who i truly am inside and what my life's philosophy is...

this tends to happen with flavor or love too.

hear me out.

you watch these lame-ass girls who, mind you, are on national television. you watch how they interact, backstab, fight, lie, throw drinks at one another (if only this was something that only happened on tv...)and you, in your mind, pick favorites. don't lie, you know you do. whatever reality show you watch, and unless you are my cousin stephen i bet you watch SOME reality show, you decide who you like and who you hate. the shows we watch tend to be centered around an ex-musical legend and therefore there tends to be a lot of screaching girl-drama. especially on flavor of love.
oh, and on rock of love.

girls fake looking for love=a lot of screaming and insanity.

what am i saying???

oh yes. you watch the girls talk about each other and become fake friends to gain valuable gossip to sneak into the rocker's suite to rat them out and personally it makes me nervous...i have trust issues as it is, so imagining myself watching these shows back and hearing awful things that people said about me makes me feel actually sick in my stomach. and it makes you wonder if you are a good reality show star, or an evil reality show star.

just me?

so i was watching RoL tonite and there was a now-expected-las vegas meltdown (which was actually quite tame compared to the flavor of love girls but that's besides the point) because duck-faced daisy and her whiny-ass voice still lives in a one bedroom apartment with her supposedly ex boyfriend who looks like tommy lee and is named charles. and destiny, who may or may not be a groupie, thought they were friends and when she found out that daisy didn't think she was prettier then her, she freaked out and started screaming and throwing a tantrum on the pool table and there were a couple of drinks thrown but despite the rewinding of dVr about 7 times we're not really sure who threw what when but...uh. then bret got angry and his body guard actually said "why are you disrespecting bret like this?" which was just so silly to me...and there were 2 other girls sitting there, nice and quiet, taking the highroad, not being psychotic on television, not being bitchy backstabbers...seriously taking it all in and making bret notice that they can chill and be good people (this is a stupid show, i realize).

and it gets me thinking. if I was on a reality show like this, would i be the psycho screaming and tearing out her hair? or would i sit there calmly and say to the duck, "did you just say your uncle is oscar de la hoya? WHY?" but i have the feeling that i might be screaming at the top of my lungs and making a total fool out of myself. because i tend to do that. thank god i'm not on tv.

i like it when the world fades away.

2008-03-27T15:16:00.002-04:00

i am in total loser mode right now. too much is going on, too much is swimming thru my head, making me anxious and feeling both drained and insane. therefore, i get migraines. henceforth, i cannot go to work. and then, i feel like shit.

the vicious cycle.

i did accomplish one thing today: the establishment of LaBella Bambini! thank god. it is not really all good in that department yet(don't ask), but at least i'm making headway. i spend a good part of my day driving around white plains and paying parking meters on offical court house type places only to walk in to find i was in the unemployment or welfare house. it was always awkward. then when i did find the right place (where i was to declare my business to the state of NY) there was a scary man who was muttering "boobies. small boobies. boobies. small boobies." over and over. what the EFFFFFFFFFF?

if you don't get "what the EFFFFFF?" as a refrence, you should absolutley watch this here youtube clip:

stress

2008-03-26T18:31:00.001-04:00

hahaha

2008-03-26T14:25:00.001-04:00

it got worse.

not to sound like a big fat baby but

2008-03-26T14:14:00.002-04:00

i seriously don't think my day could get any fucking worse. today alone. one thing after another. one BAD thing after another. since 8am.

do you remember...

2008-03-20T10:35:00.003-04:00

that game "don't spill the beans" from when you were a kid? where you stack up beans into a red pot of some sort but if you put too much KERPLUNK! well, that's how i feel...i feel like if one more thing gets added to my brain, one more stressful, awful, evil thing, my brain is going to just explode...yet it seems like daily there is another bean added...i'm wondering what it is going to take to make me freak. do you know that my last paycheck was in december? do you know what it's been like struggling to pay our bills like were were poor, jobless souls all the while working your ass off and having bruises and scratches all over your body to prove it not to mention coming home at 9pm utterly exhausted, both physically and emotionally? it's really really bad. do you have any idea how STRESSFUL buying a house is? ( i know some of you do, and kudos because it's the most stress i've ever dealt with...)

but it's spring! that's awesome...and i have 5 hours of intense, challenging work ahead of me, what where kids that are as big as me might beat the living crap out of me, but then i'm offffffffffffffffffff for 5 days in a rooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwww!!!!

Rockband...

2008-03-17T22:45:00.001-04:00

is seriously the most fun game EVER. if i owned it, i wouldn't leave my house. i wouldn't read. i wouldn't cook. i wouldn't clean. (hahaha, i don't clean ANYWAY!) seriously, as soon as i get paid, this is what i'm getting. i totally get why if you were in a band you'd be like, this is laaaaaaaaame. but since i can't sing and i aspire to be a rockstar anyway, this game is the BEE'S KNEES!!!

i am utterly exhausted

2008-02-26T00:29:00.001-05:00

but we're home! i'm dreading the return to normalcy. can't really make coherent thoughts right now. and some dumb shit is on the cartoon network now. bummer.

stuck but in a good way

2008-02-24T17:27:00.000-05:00

So we have been in disney for 8 days now. We were supposed to be on a flight early yesterday morning but alas they cancelled it! They got us on a flight for Monday which means we all miss work, don't have an extra weekend day to relax when we get home, and had to scramble to find a place to live for 3 extra days. On the absolute bright side, I am sitting in the Magic Kingdom waiting to have dinner with Winnie the Pooh wearing shorts and a tank top (and Mickey crocs) instead of freezing in NY.

let me whisper in your ear...

2008-02-14T20:01:00.003-05:00

so people keep talking about "the secret." my aunt said something to me about it, my friend said something about it, both in passing, both as tho i had any idea whatsoever what they were talking about. so i just decided to look it up, and i have found a vast amount of information...from the website thesecret.tv. i don't really understand exactly what's going on, it this is a book or a movie or what, but what i've read so far has enticed me. and since i'm on this new "positive thinking" kick, i'm seriously trying to buy into it. i have been trying to take everything in my life that i would look at negatively (i.e. EVERYTHING.)(not that there is actually anything negative in my life. i just happen to be the real life poster girl of teen--ahem, adult--angst. it is a chemical imbalance that i'm pretty sure is genetic.) and spin in positively. like, for instance, i was thinking about something dumb...i don't even remember what...maybe that teacher who doesn't like me... and said to myself "what doesn't suck about this situation...no! what is awesome about this situation!" really. i'm trying.

a specific example: i was about to write about something that really bothered me today about that teacher that doesn't like me but i erased it and said, let's not waste time! let's not waste energy! (it's still in the back of my head. get OUT!) i am a really good therapist. my kids LOVE me. i REALLY help them! i ROCK! (it may become annoying and all "gosh darn it people like me" on this here blog for awhile...)

tomorrow is my last day of work before...Disney!!! we actually got reservations for 3 character meals...princess lunch @ norway, where we will eat weird food; playhouse disney breakfast starring little einsteins and jojo, where we will eat mickey waffles; and cinderella dinner @ the grand floridian...where i will drink a glowing blue martini! yes, i am so excited!

oh yes. it is valentine's day. i seem to have forgotten this because my valentine is in class. boo!

valentine's day always me nervous. when i was a youngster that is. when i was in 8th grade, i went to a small catholic school. there were maybe 40 people in the entire grade, 20 in each class. one of the boys in my class supposedly "liked" me and asked my friend what i would do if he asked me out or give me roses or something such as that on valentine's day...i am totally hazy on the details, seeing as though it was about 16 years ago...anywho, needless to say (well, needless if you were there suffering thru that year with me) that i was like, "ewwwwwwwww. gruesome!" i'm pretty sure that this particular boy wore foundation to cover his zits. and he was really a dork. and he listened to rap. (seriously, you THINK i've changed in the past few years? i haven't). so of course i was TERRIFIED like, what the hell am i going to do or say? i didn't want to be mean. but i did NOT like this kid. and so the horrid day comes...and he indeed HAS a rose...and he GIVES it to ANOTHER GIRL! the most "popular" and "beautiful" girl in class (according to the yearbook. but in real life she looked like my ass. seriously. i have people who can vouch for me). so i was like "phew!" because there was NO way i liked this kid...but then again...fuuuuuuuuuck you! then every year in high school i was terrified that this event would replay itself. like some awful dork would come up with roses and be like, "i love you!"

i know what you're thinking.

but can i please just state that while this never happened to me on valentine's day, it happened to me a LOT. once in 5th grade (ahem, it scarred me)where this kid called me up out of the blue (i was 11. i had never actually spoken to him) and said "i like you. do you like me?" i was like, "what?" he never spoke to me again. THEN it happened my freshman year in high school, with this crazyass senior metal dude with long hair and very feathered bangs...he was so perfectly 80s. and while he didn't listen to rap (hehehe) he was terrifying. i was 14 and he was 18. that is just wrong. he had a dear friend who was basically "where's waldo." the only person that can imagine how extremely hard i am laughing right now is christina. so yea. he kept calling me up and it was very very scary. and it happened a bunch of other times that i won't mention because while i was pretty scared of boys for a time i'd rather not get into just how lame i am. or was.

so yes.

valentine's day. now it's magical because i got engaged on valentine's day and so did jen & steve so it's all good.

these are the most romantic lyrics i've ever heard since "the perfect drug":

Just too unreal, all this/Watching the words fall from my lips/Baiting some girl with hypotheses/Haven’t you heard the word of your body?/Don’t feel a thing, you wish/Grasping at pearls with my fingertips/Holding her hand like some little tease/Haven’t you heard the word of my wanting?/O, I’m gonna be wounded/O, I’m gonna be your wound/O, I’m gonna bruise you/O, you’re gonna be my bruise/Just too unreal, all this…

sexy time I LIKE!

my soup is getting cold.

guess whaaaaaaat?

2008-02-12T18:37:00.000-05:00

it's snowing!

or at least it was.

and i cancelled work.
and i am really feeling quite guilty about it.

because i've been sick for 10 days now. and i did not work last week due to a furious sinus/ear infection. and woke up today worse than ever. unable to speak. and the d is even sicker than me.

and we're going to disney world in 4 days.

maybe school will be cancelled tomorrow.
yay!

so i've been working on my online norwalk public schools application for the past 2 hours * just in case * and it's making me nuts filling out page after page after page. i got bored and thought i'd bore you all.

to tears!

seriously, i have nothing to say.

WALK NOW FOR AUTISM

2008-02-08T13:41:00.000-05:00

i registered a team! please do me a favor and go to the website and either donate $$$ (tax deductable) or **join my team** we will have the most fun walking on June 8th...even Juliet is participating!

Hello Out There in WWW Land:

I am participating in Walk Now for Autism to help find a cure for autism. Autism is the second most common developmental disorder in the United States affecting one in every 150 children born today. Despite some promising discoveries, the cause of autism is unknown and a cure does not exist. Research is crucial. Every 20 minutes another child is diagnosed with autism. Not only must we find ways to improve the quality of life for children and adults with autism, but we also must find a cure, and soon.

Walk Now for Autism is our chance to make a difference in the fight against autism by raising money for autism research and heightening public awareness. Please join me in my fight as I raise $1000 to help fund essential research. I will be walking on Sunday June 8th @ Manhattanville College and would like you to support those affected by autism. You can donate to Walk Now for Autism and join my team online through my webpage at Team La Bella Bambini. Donations can also be mailed to Autism Speaks using the donation form located on my page or send me a check made out to Autism Speaks. My team name is La Bella Bambini; please note this on your check and the donation form.

Please join me in my fight against autism. Thank you for making a difference in the lives of the more than 1 million Americans living with autism today.

slightly more productive?

2008-02-05T16:19:00.000-05:00

so i basically spent today in bed with an ear infection/sinus infection/throat-killing-me type deal going on, yet i somehow ended up being more productive than yesterday. i rearranged my entire schedule (uh, one kid) and ended up with more hours and thus am one step closer to buying that townhouse! (and one step closer to totally burning myself out! goooo, me!)

i also finally called my lawyer to see where my business was, offically. yeppers, i am starting my own business. but since they apparently have not officiated it yet, i'm not going to talk too much about it.

well, why not?

it's called "La Bella Bambini." that means "the beautiful children." as far as why i did it, it has to do with taxes and other really painful and awful stuff like that but still, i'm excited because you know me...i'll end up doing private kids within the year! especially if we get that townhouse...there is a PERFECT spot for an office! so i'm putting this out there...on june 8th there is a "walk for autism" at manhattanville college and i'm going to put together a team...Team La Bella Bambini! i'll be more specific in the future, but go me again for being so constructive despite being in my pj's at 4:30pm!!!

so today is fat tuesday. it is also mardi gras. but we call it fat tuesday. it has to do with the italian not french version of it. my mom hosts fat tuesday every year since we've moved to port chester. this will be the 13th fat tuesday. man, that is nuts! i remember amanda being at one of the first ones. i keep dreaming about amanda, which is weird. anyway, we eat "meats" that we will be "deprived" of on lent. i just want to say that i do not deprive myself of meat during lent ever since 1)i got out of catholic school and 2)the pope (who is not the nazi pope we have now, but are you aware that our pope is a nazi?) said it was "okee dokee" to eat meat on st. patrick's day, which was a friday in lent. ohhhhhh, for st. patrick's day it's okay...i get it! no! that would have been a REAL sacrifice, you stupid people! anyway.
i don't remember what i was saying.
oh yea, meats, antipastas, pasta's with meat, etc. we get to eat like fat cows and then (ahem.) diet til my 30th birthday! (this is not what the world will be doing. it is what WE will be doing!)

oh, and there is an election tonight. i am not saying a word right now. but check this site out...
http://www.wqad.com/Global/link.asp?L=259460

lookie here!

2008-02-04T19:30:00.001-05:00

i spent the day being highly unmotivated and unconstructive as my little boy was sick so i didn't have work. juliet officially cancelled school, and so i stayed home in my jams watching my little pony and polar express over and over. don't fret, i attempted to have her do some worthwhile things, such as sign her valentine cards all by herself (yes she can do it! but she makes me so nuts because they are pixar cards with little circles for TO: and FROM: and her name won't fit in once circle normally, so she writes it j l t u i e...basically wherever she can fit a letter! ahhhhh!) and she colored some fat tuesday cards (which my mother won't like because she only likes the italian version, with the meats. don't ask.)so i wanted to write a little something before i either a) start watching the freaks and geeks dvds or b) watch hairspray!
basically, all i can think of to write is "i think i have an ear infection."
not really good enough?

...and her voice is a backwards record, it's like a whirlpool and it never ends...

2008-02-03T12:58:00.000-05:00

last night we went to see they might be giants at the beacon theater and everytime we see they might be giants i just feel the urge to blog because it freaks me out that i first saw them when i was 15 years old which was almost 15 years ago. ew. we were the worst tmbg fans there because we didn't listen to the new album yet. and they played two sets but they were really obscure songs. and while they played ana ng and purple toupee, they didn't play any of my other favorite songs. and we were up high high in a balcony seat where we couldn't really see and i didn't really feel like bopping and dancing around because diagnally to us were these absolutely awful girls dancing with no rhythm whatsoever. and i'm going to be honest. they totally ruined the show for me. because they were just kind of bopping up and down awkwardly, and once in awhile pretending to play the trumpet or something. so fucking awkward. i had to look away. but it was like a car crash. i thought for sure that they would fall off the balcony, as they were in the front balcony row. but they didn't.
anyway.
they played "the alphabet of nations" for some reason which is off their ...here come the abcs dvd/cd, which is juliet's jam. so i call her, and she listens. then i call her during intermission, she goes "are you at they might be giants? why didn't you take me? that's rude!" i nearly pissed my pants. because she went to see tmbg when she was younger (5th row, much freaking better!) she also said "you better buy me a t-shirt!" i love it!!!
so yea. that's that.
tonight is the superbowl. as i hate football, i am trying to convince my sister to watch "american psycho" with me in my room. but she wants to watch the commercials.
superbowl will forever remind me of the weekend that echo station was recording and jen, keeley, kristen and i went out the night before to that crazy place "the beechmont" where jen did karaeoke to "patience" and then i puked in her car (still so sorry about the grossness of that!) and then the 4 of us met them in the studio and recorded back up vocals for that song! you know, "hey! hey!"

so so many years have past and it makes me so very sad.

there's blood in my mouth cuz i've been biting my tongue all day...

2008-01-28T09:34:00.000-05:00

last night i got so enthralled with youtube that i spent a good hour searching for rilo kiley videos because jenny lewis is so adorable and pinsky from salute your shorts plays guitar for the band. then somehow i got into a kids incorporated search, which of course made me so depressed. this is what happens when i'm too tired to read but too listless to go to sleep.

the simpsons last night was about the greatest thing i've ever seen. it was about the 90s. which made me hate the 00s. (is that what you'd say? i'm not really sure? the 2ks? stupid decade). the simpsons episode reminded me of singles and reality bites and of course, had a throwback to our favorite back to the future line ever! but really, i miss the days of yore. i hate feeling so old. and i really do hate the age of brittney spears, tomkat the crazy, and the death of heath ledger. it is a sucky time we are living in folks. a sucky time indeed.

quickie for book nerds everywhere

2008-01-03T21:53:00.000-05:00

did you know that there was a netflix and gamefly-esque site for book rentals? you can borrow up to 5 books at a time, free shipping both ways, no late fees...that is just nuts. http://www.bookswim.com
i'm not sure how i feel about this, since we all know that i reread books so often, and don't think i could live without my books in my possession. also, it's like $25/month, wheras your local library is free...

the return of lady jaded

2007-12-30T23:24:00.000-05:00

New Year 2008 Glitter Graphics

so i just finished the new douglas coupland novel entitled "the gum thief" and it inspired me to get my ass back on here. i don't know if i'll have the time to keep it up, but i guess we'll play that by ear. there are 2 reasons that i stopped my blog. wanna know them? yes, you do. they were 1)my dear friend came over one night for one of our literary nerd rant/christian bale movie marathon sleepovers. and we were discussing something about her new job. she is working in publishing, and some blurb that she had written up was published. she said "it's not a huge deal, but i'm a published writer!" also, something about ugly betty. how she wanted to be a writer but instead became assistant numero uno at mode magazine. so i decided that i was putting all of my creative writer's energy into this blog. which was just pathetic. so i've been working on my stories. when i get a chance. which isn't too often since now i work so fucking late. 2)let's be balls out honest: my sister's wedding sent me into a spiraling depression. i blabbed and blogged about it so much, and the shit that transpired left me mortified and humbled and just not wanting to deal with anyone or anything that had anything to do w/it. including a fucking electronic diary. ask christina, or jen, or amy. it took me like a month to talk to them about it. anyway.

so here i am.

other than coupland, i guess i can thank my genetically cheesy love of new years for me trying to have a "fresh start." because every new year's i'm all over the "let's make new year's resolutions!" hype. i even found an old diary that listed me and andy's new year resolutions (they included recording an album together. what the FUCK is that??) i am so retarded.

the holidays are coming to an abrupt halt. i worked myself into a brutal sinus infection by staying up til 3 am every night the week prior to christmas, baking cookies and wrapping gifts like i was martha fucking stewart or some shit. i found this wonderful recipe for some cookie entitled "almond kisses" that required i "whip egg whites until they were stiff" until i read that, i was unaware that you could whip egg whites until they were stiff. but i did. i whipped the heck out of those egg whites. (right now, starla is on my iPod and i'm thinking of and missing therese!) anyway, so i whip the whites, add the ingredients all proud of myself for being so awesome. then something catches my eye as i add the 2nd of 2 cups of flour to the bowl. it said 2 fucking TEASPOONS of flour. obviously this was a big disaster. i threw the batch away. and andy felt bad for me bc it was 11 at night, and went out and bought me more almonds. and then i fucked them up again (too little flour. ended up as flat and wide as pancakes). and threw them again. i made them one last time, and they were like rocks (um. too much flour? i give up!). so much for new recipes and being paula deen.

ranting, ranting. where was i?

oh so yea, i baked my ass off. i made some edible cookies (these hazelnut crescents that are my favorite christmas cookies ever, home-made red and green peppermint patties, peanut balls that were too big and ugly but tasted good none-the-less, peppermint bark, mutant gingerbread men that juliet decorated to look like evil mutant gingerbread men, and sugar cookies with really nice juicy dressing). i had my in-laws over friday before, and even after they left, i continued to cook and bake! saturday we had a nice, christmassy dinner with mark and becky, but alas, here is where the tale turns dark...becky kept pouring me red wine, and it was really good chianti, so even tho i protested, she said "now you know how it feels...frat boy!" 3 bottles later (between mark and i) andy said my teeth were red, and all i know is that i spent sunday alternately puking my bile up, and cooking for the party i was having with my sisters, their husbands, my brother and parents...party comes and goes, all is nicey nicey. of course i couldn't even drink down one beer, and have a fridge full of christmassy sam adams.
then bam!
it's christmas eve!
blink.
then it's christmas day!
blink.
the day is gone in a blur of madness...my parents to open gifts, andy's parent's to open gifts, grandma bella's to open gifts, finally time to breath at grandmere's but then it's eating and drinking and opening MORE gifts and then it's santa time and omg, my uncle rick took over the tradition this year bc my grandfather "didn't feel like it" (Yes, i was a little ticked) and he was fucking HILARIOUS. juliet had a blast w/him. (then at the end he's like, "santa's gotta get back to brooklyn now!") we were DYING! then i pussed out and we bailed (it was early, like 7, but we had such a looooooong day). everyone was like, "why are you leaving?" i was exhausted. i was drained.
i didn't wake up the next day. i mean, i did. i got up, made juliet "grilled cheese with syrup" (a.k.a. french toast) and crashed for the rest of the day. soooo sick. i thought i was dying! sore throat, fever, sinuses like hammering nails in my face. i was supposed to hang out w/amanda, who was in for 3 minutes from los angeles, and had to bail, which SUCKED. but i just couldn't bear leave my bed.
and that was basically my vacation. sleeping, resting, taking medicine and vitamins and hoping that juliet's cough doesn't end up being pneumonia.

oh.
altho friday night i did manage to scrape myself off the couch and wash my face and throw on some clean clothes and go see my favorite band echo station play mercury lounge. lorene made this all the more worth it when she showed up with real, hardcore sudafed (the stuff from behind the counter!)and that really made me feel better. hanging out with lorene is always a fun treat, and it sucks that we really don't do it often (last time was november at studio b. echo station is basically my social life). jen came out to her first post-stephen j junior show so the echo wives were reunited, hurrah. there were a thousand people there to support and show love and celebrate the end of 2007 and so on so forth, and it was good times.

since then, i've been sleeping. cuz i'm still sick. now it's in my chest. and i cannot speak too well. and tomorrow is new year's eve. which means i'm not going to bed before midnight.

yes, i am concerned about this despite that it is nearly midnight right now. asshole.

so what are my new year's resolutions?
i don't know what to say. to keep my closet clean? (maybe to hire a maid to keep it so?) save $$? loose weight? buy a house? all these things i want despite it being a new year. but there is just something so fresh, so grade school, about it being a new year. (like the first cut into a fresh piece of construction paper...ahhhh).

so happy new year to whoever reads this blog. may it be filled with happiness, and may all your new year's resolutions come true. and drink a lot of champagne tomorrow night and think of me...

rescue me. no.

2007-09-25T20:54:00.000-04:00

i just had a dreadful encounter w/the new rochelle fire department because i live in an asshole building. andy was of course at school in rockland and i was home, in my boxershorts and tank top and juliet is in bed and the fucking fire alarm goes blaring off and the firemen were really quite mean to me. i'm like, seriously, i am standing here in my gd pajamas and a 3 year old is peering around the corner, give me a break. but they yelled at me. stupid.

procrastination and boo to the end of summer

2007-09-04T10:04:00.000-04:00

i cannot even type right now cuz i'm on andy's laptop because of course our computer is broken and roger broke right thru the gate that keeps him trapped in the kitchen so now he's spilling beer bottles out of the recycle can and i dropped juliet off at school today and she is so tall and looks so old and i miss her even tho i'm so damn tired and need to get organized.

create

2007-08-28T13:27:00.000-04:00

i'm pretty sure that i'm wasting all of my creative energy on the wrong things.

c'mon it's a monster test it's important okay?

2007-08-22T22:56:00.000-04:00

we just watched the "extra bonus footage dvd" for the monster squad's 20th anniversary dvd release.
holy cow am i old.
it was so great to see tho! sean is so damn old and so damn short! pheobe is so not cute at all, which is sad. however, dracula is as hot as ever, and who knew! so is frankenstein. also, rudy. um, i'm not really sure how to describe how he looks. but his hair looks like fallout boy and he was wearing yellow glasses. still love him tho, as a friend that i once, at age 9, wrote a fan letter to, signing off: "see you later, band aid breath (not you, the movie!)." (i'm so gay).
also, we found that in february of this year, they did a monster squad signing and screening in cherry hill new joisey, which is a mere 100 miles from here. and i cannot believe that all this time i've been wearing my lucky dracula underpants to the laughter of andy ("you're never going to meet dracula!") AND I COULD HAVE MET HIM!!! my underpants would NOT have been worn in vein. crimney.
but anyway, the monster squad. the movie that in the summer of 1987, we would watch; it would end; we'd press rewind; we'd watch it again; the circle would continue on and on and on and i'm telling you, quite simply, that the monster squad is the one movie that i know word for word, intonation for intonation, musical note by musical note...and i still love it. i cannot belive 20 years have really gone by (hey that's a less than jake lyric, isn't it?)

i've had a rough day

2007-08-22T16:27:00.000-04:00

seriously, if you have 2 autistic sons--scratch that, 2 sons PERIOD-- who are 4 and 6 years old, don't get a fucking mercedes suv. cuz they're going to get mud on the leather upholstry. seriously, the woman whipped out the leather wipes about 10 times.

and speaking of people who shouldn't be mothers, when you take your kids to the park on a day like today, DON'T WEAR A FUCKING RED MINI SKIRT. wear jeans like a normal person. and don't make them leave after 2 minutes cuz you're cold. cuz you're in a FUCKING MINI SKIRT.

seriously.

this is my welcome back from a week of bliss.

curse you, bertie bott!

2007-08-17T15:31:00.000-04:00

i went to dylan's candy bar in the hamptons and excitedly purchased a bunch of harry potter candy, such as a chocolate frog (which came with a highly tradeable and collectable famous wizard card) and bertie bott's every flavor bean.
so juliet finds them and is like, "jelly bean time!" i give her one and take one for myself, and say, jokingly, "one at a time! they may be booger flavored!" we eat.
juliet gets this weird look on her face.
mine tastes like dirt. really.
so i grab the little baggie they came in and open the flavor guide.
oh
my
god.
booger.
vomit.
dirt.
soap.
pickle.
sardine.
rotten egg.
AND THEY REALLY TASTE LIKE THESE THINGS.
because i'm an idiot, i try again. i give juliet a soap flavored one and take one for myself. she spits it across the room. i spit mine out too (into the garbage, mind you).
and since 3rd times a charm, i try the pickle one.
gag.
seriously, worth the bad taste.

oh felissa rose

2007-08-07T22:26:00.000-04:00

so we watched this movie entitled "horror" which is on felissa rose's myspace (felissa rose is angela from sleepaway camp if you didn't know. and she's married to deron miller. of cKy fame) and it was so "HORROR"able that i cannot even tell you. hahhaha. but the trailer to halloween rob zombie fame looks awesome.

in case you wondered if the infatuation had continued...

2007-08-07T20:08:00.001-04:00

i dreamt i kissed harry last night. wtf is wrong w/me?

call me mrs. potter

2007-08-06T20:50:00.000-04:00

i'm totally obsessed with harry potter. i dreamt that i was him last night. i am rereading the books. watching the movies. purchasing ridiculous jewelry items from the harry potter fansite such as a golden snitch necklace. my god.

thank god for my nomadic journey of my life

2007-08-05T21:17:00.000-04:00

last night i went to my husband's 10 year high school reunion. i didn't have the "honor" of going to my own because my best friend was turning 30 that night, so i went to her party. with the people i'm actually friends with. (makes sense). and after last night, i'm just so glad. about a couple of things. first, that i didn't get to mine. the only people i would have wanted to see (amanda and jill, for instance) wouldn't have even been there. so why go, look at people that 1)i see around anyway and 2) i only knew for a year. and after last night, i'm just so grateful that high school hasn't affected me in a way that it has obviously affected a great deal of these people. i went to 2 high schools. john jay i can barely remember, let alone remember those who affected me in a negative way. i remember my friends worth staying in touch with, and while i really only talk to them on myspace or email, i'm still at least in touch with them on a semi-regular basis. plus, sometimes i have the privledge of meeting them in slinkster brooklyn clubs. as for port chester, i think the meat of my journey there began after high school. i would love to have a castle reunion, see how all of the people i used to do plays are doing. i'd like to have a "friends in general" reunion, since my friends were scattered around into many different aspects of my life. and are now scattered around the country. i'd like to have an echo station crew reunion, which i'm going to assume will happen in the near future anyway. the last place i felt like i really was a part of something, of a class, in a school, was st. columba. and i wasn't even THERE the whole time, i went in in 3rd grade. but at least i clocked in a good 5 years with those people. i have been moving around my whole life. i didn't feel like i belonged in john jay because i didn't. i came in after 8 years of these public school kids knowing each other, so it never really clicked. p.c. we all know it was only senior year which was spent basically having sexy time with my future husband in the dark room (dude, we have reunions every day haha).

so last night, i just couldn't fathom being at a reunion like this, and being so weirded out by it. i mean, i don't go out, and i feel like these are the same old people we see every time we do go out. plus, its only been 10 years, so no one has changed. nothing has changed. i mean, don't get me wrong, a lot of shit has changed since high school, but since we've only been out of school for 5 or 6 years, no one has really moved on to this amazing, bragworthy life. and on that note, i canNOT get into the giving my stats bragatory bullshit. "i went to this college. i live here now. i have x amount of kids. did you get your master's?" and it is amazing to me how many people have NOT gotten over high school. and the "popular" girls. and talking catty nasty bullshit. (in front of someone's friend who they are well aware they drove to this here reunion with). WHY THE FUCK DID YOU COME TO THIS REUNION TO SIT IN A CORNER OF A BAR AND TALK THE SMACK? and the most staggering to me was that it wasn't like, "look how fat she got." it was "she's so skinny she's a coke head now." WHAT? i guess people just cannot win. people in general suck. and i'm so happy i don't have these issues. (hahaha, i have other issues so don't mistake that for bragging. i went to this school...)

on a totally different note, i'm so done with the cnr summer program. it was the most wonderful expreience, being a supervising teacher, having my old professors as collegues, teaching not only awesome kids but awesome grad students...but i'm so happy that i'm going to have my life back. i get to spend some time with my baby, take a week off and spend it in the hamptons, clean my goddamn house (thank you lord!). my dear old friend is currently in the throes of labor! how crazy is that? i think roger pooped, so i have to go check on that. what a jerk he is!

soooo totally 1987

2007-07-24T17:02:00.000-04:00

i'm getting ready to see poison as we speak, and as i root thru my jewelry to find some circa 80s metal girl wear, i realize that a great deal of my jewelry IS indeed quite 80s. why didn't any one tell me? i am so not skinny enough to wear my old school "look what the cat dragged in" tshirt, so i'm just wearing the same outfit i wore to see less than jake last thursday. but with flip flops instead of the neon green sneakers. (at least they weren't heels). have fun!

weekEND

2007-07-15T19:07:00.000-04:00

friday was a rough day at work. while the graduate student i'm working with and i get along rather splendidly in our classroom, there is a reason that the term TGIF is used (maybe a bit too much). i left the cnr program exhausted, only to go work with my little autistic boy. now, i was also making up hours missed due to the wedding and the training i had to attend, so it was not only my 2 hours of aba, but 4. and i must say that the little boy was burning up with a fever. despite the fact that his mom didn't think so. so it was a suckfest day if there ever was one. but then, after work, we went to the yacht club, met my parents there, had pizza, and went on the boat. my dad took juliet and i to long island, and what a beautiful and amazing ride it was. it centered me in a way that i wouldn't have even been able to expect. it was so peaceful and calm and stunningly beautiful. as we drove in, the sun was setting, and the clouds were breaking. it was like a moody blues song. we went out again today, but due to the rough and supposedly stormy conditions, i merely felt like i was going to puke. i am quite tired now. but i'm going to go watch "rock of love" (starring, you know, bret michaels. why are my boys in reality tv shows? we're going to see them ever so soon, by the way) and then of course "scott baio gave me pinkeye". perhaps i will purchase some jani's.
3 cool blogs you should add to your must read list, by the way:
http://underblade.blogspot.com/
http://116andbroadway.blogspot.com/
http://overyyoung.blogspot.com/

swing kids

2007-07-10T23:20:00.000-04:00

is seriously my fave movie of the moment. it's just delectable.

and i am also obsessed with the world series of pop culture. and kick it's allmighty ass.

should i give you my excuse?

2007-07-10T22:56:00.000-04:00

i cannot believe i haven't posted a blog since june 21st. that is madness. in all seriousness (fyi this must be my most overused catch phrase cuz juliet has started saying it. "mommy, in all seriousness...") i have been hella busy. i started my new job as a cnr mentor teacher (which is stressful and has its downsides, but in all i love, mostly because of the kiddies). i've continued with my best boy doing aba therapy, and he's kind of had a rough couple of weeks so far. i did NOT get the job as a lead teacher, which i am secretly thanking my lucky stars since it would have been so much work for less $$ (it makes no sense)(and it's not really a secret since i told the girl who didn't give me the job today i'm so freaking happy i didn't get it). and last week was THE WEDDING. i am so sad it's over.

starting thursday, i began preperations. i was obsessed with being tan, since i think i look much better in weddings or at weddings when tan (case in point: amanda's wedding, jen's wedding, lindsey's wedding VS. THE QUEEN MOTHER at her own pale ((yet skinny)) wedding). so i paid $22 for a fucking tan at some shithole in pelham. (you can judge for yourself if it was worth it. cuz i was indeed tan at the wedding). i also got a suckfest mani/pedi from some suckfest salon. the girl was so wishy washy i nearly kicked her as she like, caressed my legs. dude, fucking rub them if you're going to rub them. don't just touch. shudder.
rehersal dinner that night. very emotional. mike and amy gave such beautiful and sentimental speeches as they gave out thank you gifts to their bridal party. i love weddings! i love the love that just gushes forth! i also love the necklace i got, as well as the photo and keychain...
next day.
amy beets nearly dotcom moody calls me, ready to go, at 6:15. A.M. i meet her and bethann at juliannos (after strategically placing a sign on my car that says "do not tow me. i'm merely here for the moody-beadle wedding) and we head off to the bronx.
oh, the bronx.
we go to this old world italian hair salon that is so the opposite of carlo and company that i fall madly in love. it's 7am on a friday morning, and the joint is jumping ("joint is jumping=lively, which this place is not"~swing kids)with crazy motherfuckers. we gain instant noteriaty due to the fact that AMY IS GETTING MARRIED. every one in the place wants a piece of us. some special things to remember:
"even educated fleas do it" "they were HUMPING" "i always wondered how they consumated their love..." "who cares if i have a heartattack having sex?" "ladies, ladies" "it's an old blouse..." (about an aerosmith t-shirt) "october? that was right before november, wasn't it?" "jess says things like that sometimes. that's why i like her."
seriously, it was the funniest shit ever. and it was awesome spending so many hours together as a bridal party...we really bonded (us girls who aren't allergic to the morning, that is).
amy looked amazing in her dress and sketcher sneakers, as did us ladies...we hung out at barb's, got hoistened into our dresses (is hoistened a word? i don't think it is...but pretend), took some clever pix (special thanks to jennica and chrissy and their imaginations), i myself took some more clever pix (candid shot...pretend you're talking to each other!), we got into the limo, and 2 seconds later, we're at st. gregory's church. andy and i once again walk down the aisle. mike and amy get married. we clap, there are tears. we go outside. balloons are released. back into the limos. the boys are 12 and want to be alone...no girls allowed. 2 bottles of champagne are drunk. we take more pictures, this time with the males. luckily emily does NOT fall into the brook. we take off our shoes. shari nearly throws hers into the water. flip flops are put on. more champage. girl limo now includes el gato as bartender, so there is dancing and singing and that ed lover song comes on. we have a blast (and boy limo nearly falls asleep, haha). we get to the reception. cocktail hour has not yet begun, so we buy drinks. cocktail hour, delish stuffed mushrooms, a few more cap'n and diets, then it's time for the introduction. i do not dance as we are walking in, despite andy wanting to do his little change move (we'll teach juliet for becky's wedding). mike and amy dance, i cry. i see jen for the first time in a million years. i attempt to be a frat boy for her, but only a mild one. maybe a freshman. we have fun, we dance. we eat. a lot of dancing, a great deal of the rum in consumed. a young beadle boy rivals every person ever to dance. i tell him so. (i hope i did not scare him). i dance with the dj from my wedding, and book him for my 30th birthday party. after we go to davey burns and i assault chrissy and make her come out in her pjs, and then talk to her for hours about spring awakening. then we go home, and sadly, its all over.
i miss it.
i cannot wait to see honeymoon pix...

it's been so long

2007-06-21T23:07:00.001-04:00

i haven't had time at all to write a new blog that was meaningful (this is assuming that any of my rantings and ravings are meaningful to anyone other than myself...) but i am so happy to say that tomorrow is my last day for the summer. of certain kids. like, most of them but not one. actually, to be more precise, i finished thus far this week with 3 of my 5 kids. one i'm keeping all summer cuz i love him, and one i'm done with at 11 o'clock tomorrow morning. and i cannot wait. then of course i have my fantastic week off, which is so needed i cannot even begin to express it to you. and then i start work at cnr. for 2 days. then it's the 4th of july! then i work for one day. then it's the wedding! (it's coming so fast!) so maybe perhaps i'll be able to write more in the near future. i'm also not so obsesed with the prestige anymore. it's graduated to an obsession w/swing kids. seriously.

happy father's day!

2007-06-17T22:57:00.000-04:00

wasn't it a steamy one?

also, did anyone watch celebrity fit club? will someone please kick screeches' ass for me?

baby stephen has made me philosophical about life

2007-06-12T23:35:00.000-04:00

don't gag on the sacchryn SENTIMENTS here, i'm just having a good night. my week has been so stressful and busy and i really feel like a corprate working mommy and i hate it. i miss my little guy. she noticed that i was wearing different earings this morning ("mommy, youa wearin new earrings? they're cuuuuuute.")(how awesome is it that i have a miniature best friend who sits on my shoulders like a parrot chirping these words of wisdom and delight) anyway my interview went very well today. my meeting went well tonight (with me leading it by the way) i am doing great on my diet. i love my life (its one of those days) and of course, we have been given a gift in the form of the 2nd echobaby. the first echobabyboy. his name is stephen robert junior. in other words, stephen j junior! he is stunningly beautiful. perfect face. i love him. i cannot stop thinking about him. and the wedding is coming so soon!!! seriously it is in mere seconds from now. (not really. but actual days). (and i am so looking forward to it!) but summer is almost here, jobs are winding down, i'm starting on a whole new part of my life and career at cnr. and possibly theracare but i'm not saying anything about that. i am just content and happy an not stressing anything. so here is the cheese:

George Carlin's Views on Aging
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. "How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!! But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would! So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!" May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay "them." 2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's. 4. Enjoy the simple things. 5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive. 7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help. 9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is. 10.Tell the people you love that you love them , at every opportunity. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER :Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.And if you don't send this to at least 8 people - who cares? But do share this with someone. We all need to live life to its fullest each day!!

START EVERY DAY OFF WITH A SMILE, AND GET IT OVER WITH !

capital g

2007-06-11T21:38:00.001-04:00

i just heard the new nine inch nails single and i'm wondering if anyone knows what the fuck happened to trent reznor?

THE MAN

2007-06-09T21:43:00.000-04:00

ladies and gentlemen, may i introduce to you...THE MAN HIMSELF. his name is roger, and he is indeed a berserker. he is 4 months old and juliet's 3rd bday present from becky and marky. he is named after roger. obviously. he is the greatest man who has ever lived.

birthday time

2007-06-03T09:54:00.001-04:00

juliet turned THREE on friday, can you believe it? she is currently standing next to me writing with a pen all over every paper on the desktop, pretending to write her abcs. these 3 years have been so amazing, and have flown by so fast. i cannot even fathom right now the right words. maybe after her birthday party. which reminds me, i need to go to the storage room and get her annual bday crown from our first time in disney with her.

last night was stephen j's bday. we had a tasty ice cream cake and even more tasty mojitos. as an old woman, i felt bad leaving so early, but we had a lot to do today, and alas, a three year old who no matter what climbs out of bed at 7am. of course once we got home i couldn't sleep. oh well. i'm drinking coffee. i should be okay.

ahhhhhhhhhhh. i am sitting here writing a blog. she is not dressed. she is not showered. it goes without saying that neither am i. let me goooooooooo.

p.s. without giving too much away i want to prepare ye for the arrival of our man, roger. he is so handsome.

memorial day. memories. the future. good times.

2007-05-28T22:24:00.000-04:00

so it's memorial day 2007. i was supposed to do some make up hours today, not realizing that andy had work, so of course i had to call in "babysitterless." which was fine with me. juliet started sleeping in a "big girl bed" and it actually was a lot less painful than i had assumed it would be. but i was nonetheless seriously babysitterless. cuz i couldn't even put old jellyfishlegs down for a nap and go to work. but whatever.

this weekend was great!
on friday night we met my mom at the yacht club for some beers and pizza, and took the little boat out to the island. which was just spectacular and beautiful. andy, paulie, lyzz, ryan and i walked the perimeter of the island which was awesome and insane and luckily we didn't catch poison ivy (but we did find several caterpillars) and as we rounded the bend to where our boat was, lo and behold there were about 20 campers set up for the night. tents and all. and they had a really adorable king charles cavalier puppy. so of course we're like, "uh...camping? on the island? total horror movie in the making..." (you see, there is this evil and haunted tower on the island, which is locked up and without a doubt in my mind houses the creeper. you know. the creeper.) as our boat pulls away, who floats up on this dumb little raft-with-a-motor, but the dumb blonde girl with a cooler full of beer and a strapless pink top. i said, "OH NO! now they're seriously in for it...i can picture it now...the dog will wander into the woods first, and then the dumb blonde will go looking for it..."here scrappy, here scrappy...scrappy? scrappy, where are you? scrappy? there you are you bad...SCRAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPYYYYYYYYYYY!" (scream as she realizes scrappy has been sliced open and his liver has been taken out. by the creeper. a la "cabin fever" dog.)

on saturday my mother and i went to see rent (for the 7th time since november)(seriously). we had a great time. afterwards we met all the cast (for the 1st time) and after that craziness (where i told mark cohen that i've seen him 7 times since november and he was awesome and i didn't know what he was up to in the future since anthony rapp is coming back in july but good luck! and roger told me he liked my sunglasses and i discovered that he was in fact british! and where i totally ignored mimi cuz she sucked) we ran ax the street to meet the cast of mary poppins! (and we ignored mary cuz she's a little sucky and too american to be mary poppins, and where we met the awesome gavin lee who plays bert and my mother had him sign her rent playbill and told him "i expect great things from you next week at the tony's!")
(i swear i will post pictures as soon as i remember my photobucket password...)

then on sunday we went out on the boat to the island again which was great of course. the mangled bodies were nowhere to be found, but no one would venture into the woods with me to check it out. my dad suggested that the creeper took them all off the beach to keep it clean (i assure you that this is a conversation that took place). juliet was an angel all day (and pooped in the sand like a puppy). it got quite chilly around fiveish, and my dad took us in. andy juliet and i went home, and i fell asleep while andy worked on his paper.

today andy worked then we went to a memorial day bbq at my house. juliet was so tired she ran into a chair and gave herself a black eye and then ran into the corner of the counter. and has a huge black forehead. dico remains bald as a (uh....bat? cucumber? i don't know. bald thing) and johnny cash kept biting his poor balls (did i not mention that dico got shaved cuz his balls were matted and shaved. i know, too much information. but it was kind of funny). i just finished the works cited page on andy's paper (which he did write a lot of but of course i had to figure out the technical, refrencey types of situation). and now i'm just tired. and it's fucking 11 pm. ahhhh. where does the time go???

things which are pressing on my mind: the need for tickets!!!!!!! cKy is playing a bunch of shows in pennsylvania...one on june 23rd at chad's favorite bar. which is small. and he writes "good luck getting tickets." why haven't we bought them yet?? and did i mention that anthony rapp and adam pascal are coming back to rent for the summer? my mom claims to be on that but....WHY HAVEN'T WE BOUGHT THEM YET??? other things on my mind include "is jen having the baby 3 weeks early?" and "amy's secret gift" and "where is my paycheck?" and finally, "why is flava flav of cat fame staring up the wall?"

oh, and then i forgot about the "memories" part. andy had his freshman yearbook out the other day cuz this kid he went to school with died. and so i started looking thru it (christina will recall that i'm obsessed w/yearbooks. or was. okay, sometimes the obession hits me again...). and it was senior year for most of my friends (jen was pretty much on every page of the book. as was a 12 year old looking steve. and mike moody who apparently likes motely crue and i never even knew.) so of course i had to start going thru yearbooks and it just hit me as so odd because high school pretty much meant NOTHING in the grand scheme of things. it took up EVERYTHING and was ALL ENCOMPASSING while i was rotting thru the hell of it. and now it's a total laugh and a joke and barely a memory. andy's parents wrote "well you did it, and you did it well. you drove us crazy but it was worth it." why? why was it worth it? it was high school. it meant NOTHING. the people i'm friends with now, who mean the world to me, i didn't even know they existed in high school. my high school friends, in all seriousness...i'm still friends with 3 of them. 4 including andy. it's just insanity. "high school was such a blur..."

yay

2007-05-23T12:15:00.001-04:00

i got a second interview for the lead teacher position! i am one of 3. and there are 3 interviews. i'm so proud to have gotten thru, yet so terrified of my next step. dear lord!

oh THAT's what echo station has to do to get played...

2007-05-21T14:42:00.000-04:00

duh. follow the footsteps of lindsey and ashlee...
http://www.mediaweek.com/mw/news/tvstations/article_display.jsp?vnu_content_id=1002501367

curse you pollen!

2007-05-21T13:36:00.000-04:00

my allergies are so bad i am running from both my nose and my eyesockets. it is just dreadful. i took claratin. what the heck else am i to do?

just resting up for a full weekend

2007-05-18T11:00:00.001-04:00

so i'm home "sick" and due to the fact that last night i lapsed into a coma and had a fever of over 100 i feel fully justified. seriously, andy went to the office around 6:45 to do something and by the time he returned five seconds later, i was out. and while i could hear him playing halo 3, and was screaming at him from inside, i couldn't move. it was horrifying. and when i awoke i was so drained that i could barely watch grey's anatomy. which disturbed me so much that i felt nauseous. did you watch it? holy shit. we couldn't watch supernatural despite the fact that sam died, and then of course, i couldn't fall asleep. first off, i was scared i'd go back into the coma (where i assure you i was in a way conscious enough to really be aware of my surroundings) and then just so upset about christina yang and lexy fucking grey. christ!

today i keep obsessivly taking my temperature. it's not getting over 99 which is good. cuz i'm going out tonight! i booked our young paulie last week (well, apparently kevin did which was just too funny). so yay, maybe i'll get to have a fun bday night. PLUS my anniversary is tomorrow. 5 years!!! that is huuuuuuuge. and jen's baby shower is at 1, then perhaps we'll have anniversary tidings (not sure what yet? spamalot, perhaps...)then sunday we're going to christina's husband's graduation party. i hope it's a beautiful day. and that juliet is good.

juliet was NOT good this morning. she was kind of evil. granted, she wanted to put her OWN SHOES/PANTS/SHIRT ON!!! but she wouldn't do it. and i was running late. and it was just so frustrating. cuz being a working mother sucks so bad. i didn't even LOOK in the mirror this morning (and i got up a half hour earlier than usual) and i'm frantically looking in the mirror at myself at her school hoping i don't have eye boogers or something. crap.

maybe the prestige is a bad friend.

2007-05-16T23:34:00.000-04:00

i was so overcome w/feeling sorry for myself that i forgot to mention that before i had to pick juliet up, i was at a fabulous dinner for my dear friend, amy. (yes, i said "dear friend." like it's jane austen or something). we went out to celebrate her bachelorette, but due to a painfully dreadful disk in her back bothering her, we just did dinner (for now...) but it was great. she was glowing, her mother is a doll, and her cousins and friends are all sweethearts...i am so glad to be a part of the wedding. i'm having a blast thus far, and because i couldn't continue my good time, i was so upset! but i will make up for it, i assure you...

yay for jordin sparks!

2007-05-16T23:28:00.000-04:00

despite the fact that i would never even listen to the crap music american idols put out (even old beau who i adored), i am so happy that jordin sparks is in the top 2!!! and that melinda doohickey is OUT. you are OUTTA HERE! wooooooo!

mi cabeza

2007-05-15T12:17:00.001-04:00

my head hurts. i think it's the spring. i'm allergic. even tho it's beautiful.

and now my day in photos...

2007-05-14T00:46:00.000-04:00

paulie the douchebag aka kelly goosecock aka gandalf the...brown?

happy mommy's day from my cozy jam.

i'm currently getting sunburned. and i love it.

posing like a total toolshed.

yea, here is me. the total american psycho.

she sat down and said, "this is just perfect." and flipped out of it.

coziest girl in america. her sweater was j crew cashmere that becky shrunk in the dryer. pretty good deal she got out of it.

going "superfast!"

this is victoria's doggy, huey (juliet calls him "kuey")

this is old boy johnny cash.

i'm not naked in this photo. i do look a bit like a horse.

what time are we upon and where do i belong?

2007-05-14T00:03:00.000-04:00

and much like my birthday 9 years ago, i'm celebrating the dawn of a new year with tears and sobs. going from 19 to 20 was really hard for me for some unknown illogical reason, and i cried my balls off. and becky and i got drunk and walked around the dark streets of port chester, drinking beer and smoking ciggarettes. i got over it, you know, moved on with my life (looking back, that 20 was a weird year after all. but i digress). so i'm on like, searching high and low for cheap tickets to see spring awakening cuz i fucked up and didn't buy them yet and the last day they'd be cheap was today, going to all of my discount broadway sites, when the phone rings. it's old andy. "happy birthday babe" he says...and i burst into tears. i didn't realize what time it was. or how old i was. and 29 is a sucky year. it is old and dreadful, but not as famous as say, 30. for 30 you can have a party (or 2) (maybe involving certain sacred theme parks)(or a dj-rich danceathon). it's just that year long wait, anticipation, of turning that new corner in your life. but i was rewarded with my presents. which are TICKETS TO GO SEE POISON AT JONES BEACH. yay. for those of you who are not aware of this (i.e. didn't know my in 5th grade up into at least 9th grade...)poison was my all time favorite group (talk dirty to me being my all time favorite song)(and c.c. is my all time favorite guitar player) and you'll know (at least now)that i am so dressing like 1987 white trash groupie all the way for this show! the seats are decent, section d, row w (i'll have to do more research)but i'm sooooooo stoked. i love my cc! i love my boys! plus they're opening acts are none other than RATT and Whiie Lion! (we've seen ratt before several times i think. so no biggie, but remember white lion! hahaha.okay i'm totally babbling now and i'm exhausted and i'm so motherfucking old that i cringe. i need to check on juliet jamesowitch, put on something tasty to fall asleep to (swing kids or batman begins)(i'm sure if i see an iota of adult swim i'll burst into even further tears).
on the opposite side of this rambling, i had a great mother's day! my father in law cooked me breakfast. i got excellent gifts. i spend the most relaxing and beautiful day on the island with my family. it was heaven. i'll try and get some pix up here soon.
countdown to VIVA NEW YORK is officialy on.

oh and did i mention

2007-05-12T23:10:00.000-04:00

that the boy are in vegas and so is criss angel mindfreak and bam? and that they SAW criss angel mindfreak and joey said "hi criss angel!" just like he said "hi julian" to julian from the strokes that time we saw him walking down the street. and i feel like seriously the most important thing to do at this point is find bam and bring him home with them as a present for me.

my stomach hurts from laughing so hard.

2007-05-12T23:07:00.000-04:00

so paulie just calls me and is like, "go to youtube and type this in" and it's this silly cat slideshow with funny words so i'm watching and chuckling, and he's like, "guess which one is you..." and i'm like, "whaaat?" and then alas, there is the cat with the fist up in the air saying "curse you villan!" and if you know me you know that sometimes my catch phrase is "curses!" (with fist raised high in the sky). i laughed with tears rolling down my face. alas, it is saturday night and i'm watching cat videos on youtube. sad. but funny at the same time.

suckfest

2007-05-12T00:30:00.000-04:00

unfortunately tonite was NOT what i was hoping. juliet didn't go to sleep at my grandparent's so i had to pick her up and come HOME. ballsacks. all dressed up, looking forward to some fun, my birthday right around the corner, and i'm home. on fucking myspace. checking askcky. with a bloody mouth. writing a blog.

yes, i feel sorry for myself. boo!

heavy hearts

2007-05-10T08:08:00.000-04:00

i haven't felt this deeply weirdly sad since i was in college. it sucks to take for granted your husband lying in bed next to you every night, and when the daunting fact that tonight he will be sharing a bed with some men and my too big for us anyway king size bed will seem 4x as big hits home, i admit it, i cry a little. but i'm not ashamed. cuz i cried when lakisha got voted off american idol last night. off to work. maybe my mind will be too busy...

Viva La Bam.

2007-05-10T00:21:00.000-04:00

oops. i meant to say Viva Las Vegas to my favorite boys in the world who are all flying their buns down tomorrow for a weekend of debauchery and irresponsibility before mikey gets married and steve has a young julian or isabelle to tend to. for andy it's a break from his already exhausted life as a daddy to juliet, and a wonderful husband to yours truly. even tho i'm jealous as a motherfucker that you guys get to go and have fun and vacation on MY birthday weekend, well, i hope you have the time of your life. you all deserve it. stay safe. don't go to the bunny ranch or whatever. and that means you joebags. i cannot even say anything to gato...just have stories for us when you come home!! drink a mojito for me! i'll miss you all and cannot wait for you to be home safe if your wives arms...don't SHOOT each other. and that's about it. HAVE FUCKING FUN BOYS!!! LOVE YOU ALL!!!
sincerely, Lady Jaded the Prestige who has a very painful yet sexy night guard cutting the shit out of her gums right now. crap.

sexy time.

2007-04-30T23:23:00.000-04:00

while i usually post the mindless drivel of the silly quizzes i take on my myspace blog, this one compares me to dracula so...

You scored as Dracula. You are the smooth sexy cool Dracula. Patient and lustful. If you were any cooler youd be ice. Great style with a way of seducing those around you. And three brides who wouldn't want to be him.

Akasha

100%

Dracula

100%

Marius

92%

Armand

83%

Spike

67%

Lestat

67%

Deacon Frost

58%

Angel

50%

Blade

50%

Louis

33%

Whose your Vampire personality? (images)
created with QuizFarm.com

because i love the name piearre

2007-04-30T09:40:00.000-04:00

these guys are all grads of lasalle (like therese!) and if you click here and watch their funny video, you can then click on vote! and then vote for them to win. just do it. even if you don't like it. because you're nice. http://projectbreakout.com/video/284-pellman-s-syndrome

BITCH.

2007-04-29T13:51:00.000-04:00

i am sick of people who are famous for no fucking reason. this includes famous in a cult-following-nyc-hipster way too. like, do you want someone to tell you what to listen to? i'll fucking tell you what to listen to. listen to the fucking music that you like. who gives a shit what some twerpy, geeky girl thinks? what makes her better than everyone else? and furthermore, didn't it bother anakin skywalker when he turned into lord vader that he STILL had to call someone "master"??? isn't that a sign that you aren't as evil and all powerful as you might think?

god i hate people.

prom

2007-04-29T10:07:00.000-04:00

last night was my cousin krystie's junior prom. to me, krystie is a chubby, boombalati of a 3 year old, so the fact that she was at her junior prom makes me want to vomit. especially since...didn't WE just go to our junior prom? oh, no, we're nearly THIRTY. (in 16 days i'll be only 365 days away from that fateful number)(um. which is 16+365=381)(ew.)(what??)

anyway. yes. i remember my junior prom. like it was a second ago. i didn't have a date, but i went with my good friends. lorene and andrea. and some other girls. like corinne. who always stole my fries at lunch. and i think that girl melissa that lorene doesn't remember. and christine and her foreign exchange student who's name i believe was sebastian. (afs sleepover. oh the memories). we had a limo. we went to see barbara (andrea's mom) who was selling flowers near the highway and took pictures there. i was wearing a maroon crushed velvet slip dress that was so awesome, and my wicked black platform maryjanes. i had blown out my hair, but it looked like shit since this was the dark ages (before flat irons). i remember gina lupino was prom queen, which surprised me and made me happy since she was a nice girl who listened to cool music. (john jay, despite how much it sucked and how much freshman year might have scarred me, was always pretty cool in that the cool people were always actually pretty cool. unlike some places i can mention. like the "cool" girls (the molly ringwalds if you will) were the girls who played field hockey. and the "cool" guys (the emilos? was he the cool one?) were the ones with the shoulder length hair who were always stoned.(all the lover boys). or at least this is my recollection. like in the grade ahead of me was this group of lesbian girls. they had really short hair and really skinny eyebrows and they were so beautiful and so cool and everyone loved them. or at least that's how i remember it. and then this freshman girl when i was a junior who was the most popular girl in the school shaved her hair and it was considered so awesome. and she looked good! i cannot imagine things like this happening down here. without everyone taking smack and starting drama. i need to ask lorene if this stuff is all true or if i just refurbished my memories.

anyway.

the prom.

then was andy's junior prom. where he was the president of the junior class (like the toolshed that he is). we had to go bring balloons to decorate the knights of columbus. (another shocking difference. the KOC??? the jjhs jr. prom was at some beautiful banquet hall. with chandaliers and a fountain outside. so different). i wore a gold dress. my mom did my hair. when we took pictures, tommy came rollerblading up in the background and jumped in. i drove my green plymouth sundance (pre-stickers)and we left early because we wanted to go to playland, but it was closed so we picked up tommy and amanda and drove to the new rochelle taco bell.

my senior prom was that same year (that andy was a mere, baby junior) and i remember shopping for a dress (krystie's mom bought it for me and i think i got the first one i tried on). i remember going with robyn to carlo and company to get my hair done (irony!) i remember andy showing up late to my house because he spent the day rollerblading. i remember going to robyn's house and kenny being there and all the moms and that billy had on tails. i remember that the prom itself was shitty because WE ARE NOT PROM-Y PEOPLE. they played the same shitty music that they always play. the food was weird. another coincidence?? the prom was at beckwith pointe (where becky's wedding is). oh and our table SUCKED cuz our friends pretty much sat together and we sat with the most random of people. and the anal avenger was there. ew. afterwards, everyone went to action park for the night (amanda organized it all and i'm pretty sure she was so exhausted from being in charge of everything that she fell aslep once they got to the cabins). as for us, we were too concerned about sleeping in a hotel room together. we got mickey dees at the drive thru (in the limo) ate it and went to sleep. we proceeded to feel like we were on acid. i think we were terrified. it was the first time we were actually spending the night together (the 11/9 incident prevented me from being allowed to do a damn thing my entire senior year) and no one knew where we were. we were BABIES.

but in all? my summary of all this reminiscing? proms are always so hyped up and they NEVER live up to the expectations. and i didn't even HAVE expectations.

the thursday afternoon "all music in today's world absolutely sucks" rant

2007-04-26T16:29:00.000-04:00

holy shit.

seriously.

my iPod keeps crapping out due to the doomsday device that has been implanted in each one, and by the time i'm coming home in the afternoon it is usually frozen. and my cd player in my car is omniously blinking on and off and therefore won't play any cds. so i'm stuck with the choice of driving in absolute silence (yikes!) or scanning through the radio stations that come into westchester. well. what the fuck happened?? there used to be so many awesome rock stations that we listened to. x107. krock. 104.3. and even classic rock stations. now the only music that seems to come through is either spanish dance music, reggeton, hot 97, or ridiculous lite music stations. for the past week, i've had to settle on (more than once) margaritaville (which luckily reminds me of cancun)(and club dread!) and various and sucky alanis morrisette songs. it makes me very disgruntled with the state of the world today.

speaking of which, did you see american idol last night? we fast forwarded through all the bullshit (which was 99.9% of it, forgive me for being cruel. i feel sad for the children of the world, but i don't want to see josh grobin's ugly and earnest face singing some dreadful bullshit)but i must say that i love jack black and his wonderful and sharp eyebrows. he is wonderous!

i am so tired i literally feel my eyeballs freezedrying in my sockets. however, i am going to the city to see some play with my mother, "inherit the wind" which i ever so thoughtfully (thougtlessly?for me)got her tickets for her birthday. i may not make it. i'm so hungry.